Going to lose my nut. How do you deal with this?

[Coffeetree]

Happens all the time. Is it a woman thing? Where am I going wrong?

Family member/colleague/client: "Zomg stop what you're doing right now need to ask you something. Zomg now"

Me, gracefully setting a boundary: Just finishing something now but we could speak later today if you wish.

Them: Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

Me, graciously giving them the benefit of the doubt: okay go ahead.

Them: Question

Me: Okay, that is a quick one. The answer is X

Them: The answer is X?

Me: The answer is X.

Them: yeah but I thought and are you sure and Facebook and my dad but yeah but what and yeah

Me, not at all graciously: That's my answer, bye.

Them: Why you gotta be so impatient and stuck-up like you have no time to talk to anyone.

Me: exploding

I'd have saved time by answering the question?

I literally just described how I answer the question and that's still not enough.

There is a certain arrogance in assuming that the person you want to speak to will drop everything they're doing to facilitate that..

@Coffeetree

I'd have saved time by answering the question?

I literally just described how I answer the question and that's still not enough.

Looks like MN is the same 😂

“If I am unapproachable, please explain why you repeatedly approach me to ask the same question three times”

Im with you OP.

If your teapot example is an accurate representation I see why people get upset. You could just explain why you use a certain paintbrush rather than being rude and shutting them down.

Are you really too busy to answer peoples questions so often that this is a genuine issue for you?

5zeds is 9ne of my colleagues.

Long story short, if I've graciously stopped what I'm doing to answer a question for someone, I expect them to listen to the answer and then go away. Or just go away. Not stay in the moment repeated their question.

Of course you’d have saved time just answering the question, literally this part wouldn’t happen

“Family member/colleague/client: "Zomg stop what you're doing right now need to ask you something. Zomg now"

Me, gracefully setting a boundary: Just finishing something now but we could speak later today if you wish.

Them: Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

Me, graciously giving them the benefit of the doubt: okay go ahead.

Them: Question

Me: Okay, that is a quick one. The answer is X

Them: The answer is X?

Me: The answer is X.

Them: yeah but I thought and are you sure and Facebook and my dad but yeah but what and yeah

Me, not at all graciously: That's my answer, bye.

Them: Why you gotta be so impatient and stuck-up like you have no time to talk to anyone.

Me: exploding”

At least the bits in italics but possibly no “stuck up” bit and no explosion. Work on your people skills, it will save you time.

I'm confused as to why everyone is assuming it's texts when OP makes no mention of this? I assumed in person, she gave the impression she's actually being interrupted

Give an actual example

The script in the beginning wasn't example enough?

"I've got a quick urgent question! Stop what you're doing and tell me which paintbrush to use!"

Is very different to:

"Let's have a very long conversation in which you justify to me all of the practical regulatory requirements making it necessary to use that paintbrush in this particular sitation with reference to all guidelines and also could you make me a sandwich."

"Me: For those, we use the XYZ paintbrush.

Colleague : Are you sure?

Me: We use the XYZ paintbrush.

Colleague: I thought we used the ABC paintbrush. Does it matter which we use?

Me: Yes. We use the XYZ paintbrush

Colleague: Why are you so impatient and unapproachable? "

In this exchange I would imagine the colleague needs more information on paintbrushes and which paintbrush to use in what situation. "ABC is only used for red teapots. This teapot is blue, so we only use XYZ paintbrushes. I need to finish this now."

@5zeds is most definitely not one of your colleagues because she knows where all the paintbrushes are and so do all her colleagues because our lines of communication flow sweetly.

It sounds like your model doesn’t work for you or your colleagues, have a rethink.

Yes it’s annoying but sometimes as an employee you have answer things with gritted teeth and concede to demands, paying clients in particular.

Yes 5zeds,good plan, I must always be interruptable and never meet deadlines, because God forbid someone save a non-urgent question for later. Women are here to serve.

@girlmom21

If your teapot example is an accurate representation I see why people get upset. You could just explain why you use a certain paintbrush rather than being rude and shutting them down.

Are you really too busy to answer peoples questions so often that this is a genuine issue for you?

Really? You need a whole conversation about why a paintbrush is used? Is this primary school? Unless OP's job is to train new starters, it's perfectly fine to answer them in this way. They asked the question, they got the answer. No need for her to stop what she's doing to take the time to explain why

But @Coffeetree the second interaction in your example leaves your colleagues with the tools to be independent and with a sandwich….seems much more likely to lead to a peaceful working day/week/month going forward.

If it's worth anything, OP, I understood your post, gathered that "ZOMG" was shorthand for people approaching you flapping about and with urgency, and felt your telling of the situation brought it to life perfectly!

I do tell stories like that as well though.

@TheDistortion

If it's worth anything, OP, I understood your post, gathered that "ZOMG" was shorthand for people approaching you flapping about and with urgency, and felt your telling of the situation brought it to life perfectly!

I do tell stories like that as well though.

Seems a few on this thread need more of an in depth explanation 😩

@MolyHolyGuacamole well if they're asking presumably it's because they don't understand so where's the harm in taking 5 to explain?

I vote higher and more strict boundaries. My current co-workers are fine. But historically family have been super keen to speak me ASAP when lm busy, about very very minor things. My mum probably thinks lm “selfish” but l just interpret that as her saying jump and then being annoyed by me not saying how high!

With your family it's easy - make your boundaries firmer. You are annoyed that they don't respect the fact you are working but by responding to their 'urgent' messages you are demonstrating that you can take breaks when they want to talk to you.

It's harder with colleagues and clients but again you need to be assertive ' If you would like a meeting to discuss why we use that paintbrush and not the other one I'd be happy to schedule one but now isn't a good time for me. I'll email you and sort something out.' Then when you can spare the time email 'Just to confirm our conversation earlier we use X paintbrush for that job. If you would like to meet and discuss the reasons behind this please schedule a meeting'. I bet you will never hear from them.

And not incidentally my male colleague sitting next door never gets interrupted because He's Busy.

I don't get the 'Zomg'.

It’s unusual that you can’t see any solution to this problem that involves a change in your behaviour. Since that’s the only part you can control I would guess that’s why the scenario keeps repeating. Being seen as stuck up, unapproachable or so busy you don’t have time to interact pleasantly with others is not in your interest and would make progression harder for you in most companies.

I suspect you aren't good at concealing your irritation when interrupted OP.

Could your office do that thing where you can have a "do not disturb" sign for highly focused activities?

The nature of open plan office work is that you will get interrupted frequently. Whether it's Jane saying she's just making a brew and would you like one or Toby asking you again where the manila envelopes are stored. I suspect you aren't good at task interruption and give off irritated vibes, whilst also being the only person to reliably hold certain info.