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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Going to lose my nut. How do you deal with this?

198 replies

Coffeetree · 08/09/2021 10:59

Happens all the time. Is it a woman thing? Where am I going wrong?

Family member/colleague/client: "Zomg stop what you're doing right now need to ask you something. Zomg now"

Me, gracefully setting a boundary: Just finishing something now but we could speak later today if you wish.

Them: Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

Me, graciously giving them the benefit of the doubt: okay go ahead.

Them: Question

Me: Okay, that is a quick one. The answer is X

Them: The answer is X?

Me: The answer is X.

Them: yeah but I thought and are you sure and Facebook and my dad but yeah but what and yeah

Me, not at all graciously: That's my answer, bye.

Them: Why you gotta be so impatient and stuck-up like you have no time to talk to anyone.

Me: exploding

OP posts:
Flickeringgreenlight · 08/09/2021 15:42

Never mind ZOMG and all the other nonsense, why are you wasting your precious time replying on Mumsnet when you could be working??? Do you not have a supervisor? 😅

BronwenFrideswide · 08/09/2021 15:47

Honestly, your answers sound insanely rude. I think you need counselling in how to speak to people.

I think the people pestering OP need counselling in how to hear the answer to their question and accept it.

Mincingfuckdragon · 08/09/2021 15:49

I used to have this problem OP. I dealt with it largely by, as a PP suggests, using the word "No" and giving a specific time when we could speak eg "No, I'm finishing an advice. I can speak with you at 11 am though. Send me a meeting request if that suits you so we're not interrupted.".

They almost inevitably fucked off and found out the answer themselves. And if they still needed help they tended to respect my time a bit more at least after a few interactions like the one above.

Also I couldn't have cared less if people like that thought I was unapproachable. Being thought of as approachable by time wasting idiots is not one of my goals.

billy1966 · 08/09/2021 15:56

Is it your job to answer all these questions from colleagues alone?
If not, redirect them.

Make a note of how often you are being interrupted compared with colleagues and redirect them.

When you get the dramatic ZOMG, cease to respond.

Assert yourself by NOT responding.

If they say YOU are rude, respond with your constant interruptions ARE rude.

billy1966 · 08/09/2021 15:58

Oh and start answering some questions with, I have no idea to move them along.

Constant interruptions when trying to do detail driven work is not on.

IveGotASongThatllGetOnYNerves · 08/09/2021 16:11

When they question your answer, say, it is X but if you'd like to double check you should ask Mr important penis owner next door or check Y book/manual.

Bobsyer · 08/09/2021 16:22

This thread almost feels like I everyone is in on a joke response? Why are so many of you getting your arse tangled up in the language OP has used? It’s clear that when she’s concentrating she would rather not be disturbed but she is still being disturbed by people who then don’t accept her answer and harangue her till she snaps.

Those of you going on about irrelevances are doing exactly the annoying thing.

Unfortunately this is the hazard of open-plan working.

AccidentallyOnPurpose · 08/09/2021 16:30

I'm a dick. So if it's a bad day/I'm really busy I put my hand up and keep talking/working until I'm done.They can loiter around or come back later. If I'm in a good mood I say "sorry,just give me a sec" and continue what I'm doing until I am done. I refuse to acknowledge anyone that thinks my job is not as important as theirs unless the building is on fire or similar.

esloquehay · 08/09/2021 17:10

Your post makes no sense. Zomg is NOT. A 'thing'. Most banal aibu of 2021...

myotherusernameistaken · 08/09/2021 17:14

@esloquehay

Your post makes no sense. Zomg is NOT. A 'thing'. Most banal aibu of 2021...
Apparently it is a thing it isn't and we are all idiots for not knowing it we aren't
MasterBeth · 08/09/2021 17:17

@BronwenFrideswide

Honestly, your answers sound insanely rude. I think you need counselling in how to speak to people.

I think the people pestering OP need counselling in how to hear the answer to their question and accept it.

“Pestering” = talking to.
ChargingBuck · 08/09/2021 17:22

Exactly! Sometimes I'll get a text saying "Can I talk to you super urgently" and I respond with a white lie, like I'm on the train or on a group call, and I'll ask them to just text what info they need from me. They'll come back with "Zomg nooo must speak!" and so I ring and the above exchange takes place.

And this is your problem.
All your immediate response shows them is that they are entitled to expect an immediate response.

For clients - "sorry, am doing XYZ, but can talk to you at 5pm today or 9am tomorrow, let me know which suits"

For 'friends' - if you are too busy to respond, do not respond to tell them you are too busy to respond!
You know you don;t owe anybody immediate access to your time, right?
Stop leaving yourself open for CF's to continually invade your space & trample your boundaries.

5zeds · 08/09/2021 17:24

I think you sound unnecessarily rude and abrasive. It will work to get you space in some ways but ultimately isn’t a good strategy.

Plumtree391 · 08/09/2021 17:27

@esloquehay

Your post makes no sense. Zomg is NOT. A 'thing'. Most banal aibu of 2021...
I agree, it certainly is not.

It may have been a 'thing' at one time, used in a particular type of environent, but it isn't generally known. I hope it never is.

ChargingBuck · 08/09/2021 17:28

Me, gracefully setting a boundary: Just finishing something now but we could speak later today if you wish.

Them: Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

Me, graciously giving them the benefit of the doubt: okay go ahead.

You need a better understanding of how boundaries work.

You believe you have "graciously set a boundary".
Your annoying colleague pushes it - & you immediately "graciously" remove it.
No wonder none of your colleagues respect your boundaries - they can't see them because you keep removing them.

When you tell someone "I can't speak now but can speak later today", but then show them that you don't actually respect that 'boundary' yourself & will break it in your very next sentence - why on earth are you expecting them to even see a boundary, let alone respect it?

Original poster
Coffeetree · 08/09/2021 17:29

@esloquehay

Your post makes no sense. Zomg is NOT. A 'thing'. Most banal aibu of 2021...
Zomg! Is there a a cash prize?
OP posts:
me4real · 08/09/2021 17:29

Zomg is designed to mock people who say OMG or imply too much, as OP's post expressed I think, that these people appear with a supposed urgent request which isn't as urgent as they're implying.

BlueFairiesinthesky · 08/09/2021 19:41

I think you might need to do some more training for your staff, including a resilience programme. I’m a manager and this would drive me bonkers!

It sounds like you’re in a really Technical role and are seen as the expert, something like planning or legal practice

BronwenFrideswide · 08/09/2021 19:46

Pestering = talking to.

OP has already told the person asking that she is busy, has agreed to answer their 'quick' question, answered it and the person then queries the answer, not once but several times yes that's pestering.

It's almost as if:

They don't believe the OP knows what she is talking about and is wrong, if that's the case why ask her?

They only want the answer they think is the right one not the actual right answer and don't want to be proved wrong, so again why ask?

Think if they pester enough the OP will change her answer to their preferred option.

If I ask a member of staff in a supermarket where something is and they say "Third aisle, half way down on the left hand side" why would I respond with "Are you sure? Might it not be fifth aisle three quarters of the way down on the right?" Correct response is "Thank you" and off you go.

MolyHolyGuacamole · 09/09/2021 11:42

Fuck off! I'm not an idiot for not knowing what zomg means.

It's not the not knowing what it means that makes someone an idiot. It's the snarky responses to OP (YABU for using ZOMG etc) that does, HTH. You are not superior for not knowing what something means.

Anonymous48 · 09/09/2021 14:33

@MolyHolyGuacamole

Fuck off! I'm not an idiot for not knowing what zomg means.

It's not the not knowing what it means that makes someone an idiot. It's the snarky responses to OP (YABU for using ZOMG etc) that does, HTH. You are not superior for not knowing what something means.

I never said I was superior for not knowing what it meant. I was furious that someone called me an idiot for not knowing.
Plumtree391 · 09/09/2021 17:15

I doubt many people know, Antony, regardless of IQ level, so you're not alone.

MrsBumm · 09/09/2021 20:59

@Anonymous48 let me clear it up for you, you're an idiot for not knowing AND not googling briefly AND/OR being snarky with OP & derailing the thread, as expressed by @MolyHolyGuacamole in her excellent post.

also possibly being furious is a bit of an overreaction. I was at best mildly exasperated by the idiocy.

MrsBumm · 09/09/2021 21:01

and if you didn't do those things in response to your completely reasonable lack of knowledge, then you're not an idiot. all better.

myotherusernameistaken · 10/09/2021 14:21

let me clear it up for you, you're an idiot for not knowing AND not googling briefly AND/OR being snarky with OP & derailing the thread

@MrsBumm

Excellent - so when someone posts to ask a question that is easily solved by a quick google, (which is a pretty high proportion of posts every day) we are OK to call them idiots?

Don't think so.

Maybe we should all give it a go and just refer @MNHQ to you when they delete our posts.