Going to lose my nut. How do you deal with this?

[Coffeetree]

Happens all the time. Is it a woman thing? Where am I going wrong?

Family member/colleague/client: "Zomg stop what you're doing right now need to ask you something. Zomg now"

Me, gracefully setting a boundary: Just finishing something now but we could speak later today if you wish.

Them: Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

Me, graciously giving them the benefit of the doubt: okay go ahead.

Them: Question

Me: Okay, that is a quick one. The answer is X

Them: The answer is X?

Me: The answer is X.

Them: yeah but I thought and are you sure and Facebook and my dad but yeah but what and yeah

Me, not at all graciously: That's my answer, bye.

Them: Why you gotta be so impatient and stuck-up like you have no time to talk to anyone.

Me: exploding

[quote girlmom21]@MolyHolyGuacamole well if they're asking presumably it's because they don't understand so where's the harm in taking 5 to explain? [/quote]
Not if the questions are similar to OP's example. It's not like they're asking 'what method do we use to paint the tea pots/can you please break down the steps involved in the process?'

They're asking the equivalent of
-Which way are the toilets please?
OP: down the hallway and on the left
-you're sure? They're not on the right? When I came for my induction I swore they said on the right

Would you need an in depth analysis on why the toilets are laid out that way and the explanation that perhaps they were given the wrong info or misremembered? 🙄

What the fuck is zomg?

You sound pretty stroppy and unapproachable by the way.

@5zeds

It’s unusual that you can’t see any solution to this problem that involves a change in your behaviour. Since that’s the only part you can control I would guess that’s why the scenario keeps repeating. Being seen as stuck up, unapproachable or so busy you don’t have time to interact pleasantly with others is not in your interest and would make progression harder for you in most companies.

I agree

You want people to accept a curt answer with no explanation and then go away. That doesn't always happen.

If you took 30 seconds to explain WHY it's XYZ then they will go away faster without insulting you.

If you don't have time to explain why at that moment, you can say: It's definitely XYZ for certain reasons, I can't explain right now but I'll email you later today.

What's with Zomg? You tried to explain it above. I still have no idea what you mean.

Is the issue here with your communication style? Is it the way in which you are answering questions, possibly using language which no one else understands?

And what exactly is your role at work? Surely part of the job is communicating with colleagues and being able to answer questions from clients?
Surely if you've got someone working with you painting teapots who thought they were supposed to use ABC paintbrush instead of XYZ it would make sense to quickly explain why. Otherwise they'll be back again when painting a different kind of teapot to ask whether it's ABC or XYZ.
Eg. You could have just said, "We use the XYZ for the teapots made from Material A and ABC for teapots made from material B"

What are you talking about I am a fucking delight!

Okay you might have a point.

@5zeds

It’s unusual that you can’t see any solution to this problem that involves a change in your behaviour. Since that’s the only part you can control I would guess that’s why the scenario keeps repeating. Being seen as stuck up, unapproachable or so busy you don’t have time to interact pleasantly with others is not in your interest and would make progression harder for you in most companies.

and yet they keep approaching the OP and not the other person in the office who just so happens to be a man, now why would that be?

The man is seen to be busy and they are reluctant to interrupt him, why?

The OP is seen to be busy, has said they are busy and yet full steam ahead on interrupting her, why?

Fairly obvious that the man is seen to be far more unapproachable and busy and is given the courtesy not to be interrupted. Let's all have a think why him being busy and unapproachable is accepted and doesn't have an impact on his progression in the company nor is it a requirement for him to interact pleasantly with others.

You’re right @BronwenFrideswide it could be rampant sexism, or bad breath, or his grumping could be more vicious than OPs. He may not progress further though. Certainly most people like to work with others who support them and help them achieve.

Oh dear god don't start I have regular one on one's with the people I supervise and they've all increased their qualifications and pay grade since I've become their supervisor.

My clients are all fine.

I'm talking about having my focus interrupted for an urgent query, the person getting their answer, and then the person continuing to disrespect my time. And I'm blamed for being "impatient".

Plus I'm an absolute delight.

@5zeds

You’re right *@BronwenFrideswide* it could be rampant sexism, or bad breath, or his grumping could be more vicious than OPs. He may not progress further though. Certainly most people like to work with others who support them and help them achieve.

Yes people do, but they will get nowhere if they cannot temper their own communication and methods of interaction, what your suggesting sounds more like nannying them than supporting them.

Is there a pattern to these urgent queries?

If you improved training/communications in some way, would it reduce the number of queries you get? Is there a handbook that you can refer people to?

(e.g. It's XYZ brush, if you look in the handbook it explains why)

You can't prevent people from coming to you and clearly being curt with them is not deterring them, so maybe try something proactive

I thought your explanation was fine OP.

Me, gracefully setting a boundary: Just finishing something now but we could speak later today if you wish.

Them: Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

Me, graciously giving them the benefit of the doubt: okay go ahead.

I think this is where you're going wrong if you don't want these sorts of interactions to go as far/for as long as they do @Coffeetree .

You said words that might indicate a boundary and then let them do the thing anyway.

'Just finishing something now but we could speak later today if you wish' should be the end of the conversation, I don't know whether even that's quite right though. It implies you're open to a conversation with them, and as it doesn't give a specific time that just gives them a license to carry on nagging until you answer.

So perhaps just say 'I have to finish this job at the moment, you could see if Mr.Y is free.'

Or 'I have to finish this, could you email me the question and I'll reply when I've finished what I've got to do?' Or whatever.

@Coffeetree

Sorry "Zomg" is a sort of purposefully messy text-speak for "Oh my god". I just mean to convey that the other party is approaching with urgency and insisting I stop what I'm doing.

There's no need to apologise.

However many of us had never heard of 'Zomg' before your thread and will probably never hear it again. It actually detracted from the point of your thread.

What's upset me about this whole post is the "word" Zomg. WTAF.

I should have said thread not post . I'm too traumatised by the Z word obviously!!!!

me4real is right at the this point:

Them: Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

You need to reassert your boundary and refuse to hear the question. It's damn insolent and disrespectful of them to do that.

Call a meeting with them and make it clear that no interruptions means just that and point out they need to work on their communication and listening skills.

“I’m busy at the moment. If it can’t wait, you’ll need to ask X”
Preferably where X is your line manager.

Or you could try “ Use you initiative!” but that really would be dismissive!

Agree with PP, you’re going wrong when you give them the benefit of the doubt.

If you’re on a call /zoom you’re not available to them. You’ll get back to them. End of.

Obviously there are some examples where all hell is breaking loose and you have to deal with it but frankly unless it’s the office equivalent of an obvious 999 call, they can wait. It’s rude to whoever made an appointment or called me first to interrupt.

Embrace the saying “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part”. The follow up being, if I know you are (a) usually prepared and (b) always a pleasant colleague then I am much more likely to drop things to help you. If you say I’m stuck up then woah! totally dead to me, no favours.

Have people really never heard ZOMG before??? It's been around for years!

Whenever posters describe theor actions as graceful and gracious I instantly doubt their description of events 😁

Would be interesting to do a time management study for a couple of weeks. Log every interruption and how long it took. Show to line manager with your concerns about being hassled and not able to do your job properly.

I did this once when asked to log my work. The main culprit was the person who had asked for the study to be done. He went very quiet when shown the results.

I suspect you aren't good at task interruption and give off irritated vibes, whilst also being the only person to reliably hold certain info.

Actaully I wondnered if the OP was too patient and not giving off enough irriated vibes.

I find if you do start to radiate irritation or about to blow vibes most people will re-think and pick a better time - even just visibly stopping everything possibly closing eyes and taking a huge breath then delaing with them can convey that and might make them think next time.

Perhaps also try and pull people up on their rudeness having stopped answered their question it's beyond rude to have them complaing about your tone a quiet - I beg your pardon I explained I was very busy and yet I still answered you and that's your reaction - next time do your own research- might work.

Sorry "Zomg" is a sort of purposefully messy text-speak for "Oh my god"

Why could you not just use OMG then. Most people know what that means. Nobody has a clue what Zomg means. Do you use deliberately confusing acronyms when you speak to people? Maybe that's why they aren't understanding your responses.

You have had to spend time explaining what your "made-up" acronym means. If you had just used OMG then you wouldn't have had to do this.

Can you see a pattern?