Going to lose my nut. How do you deal with this?

[Coffeetree]

Happens all the time. Is it a woman thing? Where am I going wrong?

Family member/colleague/client: "Zomg stop what you're doing right now need to ask you something. Zomg now"

Me, gracefully setting a boundary: Just finishing something now but we could speak later today if you wish.

Them: Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

Me, graciously giving them the benefit of the doubt: okay go ahead.

Them: Question

Me: Okay, that is a quick one. The answer is X

Them: The answer is X?

Me: The answer is X.

Them: yeah but I thought and are you sure and Facebook and my dad but yeah but what and yeah

Me, not at all graciously: That's my answer, bye.

Them: Why you gotta be so impatient and stuck-up like you have no time to talk to anyone.

Me: exploding

OP I get it, when I worked in the office full time (pre Covid) I spent more of my day answering random questions than doing my real job. Why? Because I am cross-trained and have knowledge across the whole company. To work on a project I had to stay at home, but that was frowned upon by the senior management team as they liked me to be in the office (to answer the endless questions).

Even colleagues at my level would interrupt me to ask questions, usually ones they should know the answer to or at least how to find the answer. I used to be quite abrupt and didn't answer my internal phone, so they started calling others in the same office, so they could ask me. Tried to tell the Senior Management how disruptive it was and how they needed to do some training, they didn't see a need to change and I had pushed this to my Director to resolve as we were not hitting our deadlines as I was too busy helping others when COVID happened.

At this point I like many others started to work from home, and now even though the core business are back in the office, my part of the business aren't and never will be I get so much done I can spend time on MNet in my lunch break. All questions (far fewer than before) get sent by Teams and dealt with when I can get to them.

Now I just have to deal with my 2 colleagues who are at my level and who still panic at the slightest problem and call me for help.

@Coffeetree I'm sure there is sexism at play here. Assertiveness training taught me that you actually have to use the word NO in your reply. As in 'No, I can't answer this now but send me a meeting request to discuss for when I'm not up against it' (change words for family of course).
Use the broken record technique to repeat it and if you can, walk away after repeating. That stops you going from assertiveness to aggressive. I'd recommend reading up on assertiveness as the techniques are incredibly effective and allows you to have clear boundaries while still acknowledging the other person's needs.

@PinkFootstool My DH used to do this and has recently diagnosed ADHD. The way I (mostly) stopped it was to either walk away after my first answer or just stop answering. This was after being quite blunt and saying 'Did you want my opinion or not? I've told you what it is'.

@dreamingbohemian

Have people really never heard ZOMG before??? It's been around for years!

First time today for me. I thought it must be OP's name to start with.

How's the job hunt going?

@myotherusernameistaken

Sorry "Zomg" is a sort of purposefully messy text-speak for "Oh my god"

Why could you not just use OMG then. Most people know what that means. Nobody has a clue what Zomg means. Do you use deliberately confusing acronyms when you speak to people? Maybe that's why they aren't understanding your responses.

You have had to spend time explaining what your "made-up" acronym means. If you had just used OMG then you wouldn't have had to do this.

Can you see a pattern?

Are you okay

@Tippexy

How's the job hunt going?

Lol busted

For those questioning zomg

From Urban dictionary:

“ zOMG is a varient of the all-too-popular acronym "OMG", meaning "Oh My God".

The "z" was originally a mistake while attempting to hit the shift key with the left hand, and type "OMG"

Also used in all-caps, 'ZOMG' is generally used in a sarcastic manner, more often than not a humiliating fasion. It is also used as a device for stating the obvious.
"zOMG! you r teh winz!!one!!eleven!". “

Doesnt happen to me

@Marcee

Doesnt happen to me

Well that's a ground breaking post.

No Im interested in hearing from people to whom this doesn't happen actually.

Are you just really flexible with your time and somehow meet all your deadlines?

Are you really good with boundaries?

You have had to spend time explaining what your "made-up" acronym means. If you had just used OMG then you wouldn't have had to do this

It isn't something OP has just made up, it's used quite often. I don't even use acronyms but I do know that much. Google it if it bothers you that much.

@Coffeetree

No Im interested in hearing from people to whom this doesn't happen actually.

Are you just really flexible with your time and somehow meet all your deadlines?

Are you really good with boundaries?

Fair dos, just sounded a bit smug to me.

@Coffeetree

Sorry "Zomg" is a sort of purposefully messy text-speak for "Oh my god". I just mean to convey that the other party is approaching with urgency and insisting I stop what I'm doing.

Well just ignore! Lock your mobile in a cupboard or another room!

@BronwenFrideswide yes, phew, we can all stand down now.

My bugbear is the following (always with DH)

Me: Here is a problem. We should try X solution.
DH: No, X will not work because

Me: OK, do you have any better ideas?
DH: No.
Me: JUST. DO. X.

Well just ignore! Lock your mobile in a cupboard or another room!

@lockdownmadnessdotcom, OP has explained this is not just phone calls, it's also people physically coming to her desk and demanding to speak to her.

I can quite believe this happens.

Can you wear noise cancelling headphones at work? And pretend not to hear people

And do log the interruptions to show your manager. Then you could ask for a better office to get some quiet

@Coffeetree

No Im interested in hearing from people to whom this doesn't happen actually.

Are you just really flexible with your time and somehow meet all your deadlines?

Are you really good with boundaries?

It helps not to have "friends". My mum will call me but she understands I have a job so if I say I am busy she will go off the line and know I'll call her back. I don't have friends hassling me with stupid questions. And if a colleague messages me I will either reply there and then if I can, or I ignore until I have time. I don't like instant messaging as they are so intrusive so sometimes I just put "away" so I can get on.

But I don't have moronic acquaintances who ask stupid questions and then refuse to accept my response.

@Jemand

Well just ignore! Lock your mobile in a cupboard or another room!

@lockdownmadnessdotcom, OP has explained this is not just phone calls, it's also people physically coming to her desk and demanding to speak to her.

Then headphones.

And a firm "I am busy". Sorry I thought this was a personal context not a work one.

@EL8888

I vote higher and more strict boundaries. My current co-workers are fine. But historically family have been super keen to speak me ASAP when lm busy, about very very minor things. My mum probably thinks lm “selfish” but l just interpret that as her saying jump and then being annoyed by me not saying how high!

DM will just turn up on the doorstep if I'm in the middle of something and can't answer phone, for instance cooking or trying to get a child with ADHD up the steps out of our flat on a very busy main road. I did go ballistic last time she did that, because I hadn't made time in my day to spend with her, because I didn't know she was coming.

I don't get this at work, because I work from home (and have for years) and my colleagues generally know I don't like phone calls, so they email me and I deal with it when I can (though NB this only works because I do get back to them within a day or two as a rule).

I have kind of shut down stupid and unnecessary requests by being a bit impatient with them. If someone asks me something they can easily find out themselves, I politely answer but then add something like "this website is useful for this kind of thing" or "XXX is the expert on this, I'm sure s/he'll be happy to help" subtext fuck off and don't bother me with this shit. As it's always by email, I can judge it carefully so I don't sound to mean.

HOWEVER I do have a massive problem with my preteen DD being like this at home, and it's interesting that someone mentioned ADHD below as she does seem to match some traits. In fact now I've learned the meaning of "zomg" it really sums up her general approach to life!

Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

This is my DD about 250 times a day :o

I just try to be assertive and keep saying, sorry, I am busy, no, not now, I will be free in 10 minutes if you leave me alone and let me get this done.

Sometimes it descends into NO NO NO NO STOP TALKING I'M BUSY GO AWAY I WILL TALK TO YOU LATER LALALALA I CAN'T HEAR YOU - but usually in a silly/jokey way as she does understand she's like that, while I understand I like my focus and to get on with stuff.

I think it's firm boundaries you need but also the social skills to make people feel listened to and soothe their feelings. Can't help you much there as it was my lack of such abilities that made me more suited to home working!

I'm having trouble getting past the ZOMG too sorry OP.

You'll just have to keep saying, sorry I'm in the middle of something, and if, when you do answer they query it, just suggest they google it?

We're used to having so much info at our fingertips now, we don't seem able to wait for it.

If it was just one or two people, then it would probably be an issue with them but the fact that you have this problem with multiple people suggests that the issue is with you (unless you are going to drip feed that you are a KS1 teacher in which case billions of inane questions probably goes with the job description!).

I suspect that you don't have good boundaries - all this talk about little white lies about being in a zoom meeting and then giving in and answering the question - people have learned that you don't mean it when you say you are busy.

If you aren't busy, just answer with good grace. If you are busy, stick to your guns and get back when you genuinely have time.

Well as I said above, my solution when I had this issue in various jobs was to try to make it so people didn't have to come interrupt me in the first place.

A staff handbook is critical (a good one!) Then even if people don't read it and come bother you, you can say, it's all written down in Chapter 2 of the handbook, and shoo them away.

Better signage? e.g. A sign in the paintbrush storage that says REMINDER use XYZ paintbrush

All sorts of things really. It does make a difference!

I love Zomg! It absolutely sums up a particular thing.

Oh god, this is just like my colleague. We are in open plan, and she sits next to me. It’s constant; 5,6,7 times a day. I’ve asked her not to interrupt me when I’m obviously busy, but since we’ve been working from home, it’s like harassment - she tries Teams, but I’m not available, so she moves to calling my (work) mobile number, then WhatsApp or text. She just keeps going until she wears me down. It’s only been since we work at home, that I’ve realised she seems unable to make a decision herself. I’ve complained to our Manager, as speaking to her directly makes no difference - but our Manager ‘doesn’t feel comfortable’ dealing with it. Argh!!!