Going to lose my nut. How do you deal with this?

[Coffeetree]

Happens all the time. Is it a woman thing? Where am I going wrong?

Family member/colleague/client: "Zomg stop what you're doing right now need to ask you something. Zomg now"

Me, gracefully setting a boundary: Just finishing something now but we could speak later today if you wish.

Them: Zomg no now now I'm just going to start asking anyway blah blah blah it'll take a sec.

Me, graciously giving them the benefit of the doubt: okay go ahead.

Them: Question

Me: Okay, that is a quick one. The answer is X

Them: The answer is X?

Me: The answer is X.

Them: yeah but I thought and are you sure and Facebook and my dad but yeah but what and yeah

Me, not at all graciously: That's my answer, bye.

Them: Why you gotta be so impatient and stuck-up like you have no time to talk to anyone.

Me: exploding

I just ignore them. If they've called me and its not a work matter I say "can't talk, at work" really tersely and hang up. Friends and family know not to bother me at work unless it's genuinely urgent.

If its a client I just put up with it.

I make the time to speak to clients and colleagues unless I'm against am urgent deadline or about to go on a call etc. Then I am terse apologetic and its clear I'm genuinely busy.

YABU for repeatedly using Zomg 😂

I have NEVER heard of Zomg before until just now. That's all I have to contribute here.

Nothing about your communication sounds either gracious or graceful op. You probably just sound Curt and rude. If that's your style, that's your style but being impatient with people every time they speak to you will get you the response that they find you rude and impatient.

I get that you don't like being interrupted, but sadly that's a part of life and work, so to make sure you keep interruptions to a minimum, you need to work out a system whereby people know when you're available or not.

But yeah you do sound rude, impatient and unapproachable!

Do people say it, like ZOh Em Gee?

I like you Coffeetree. You can be my colleague. No nonsense is good. But I get accused of being intimidating and I often don't understand why, so I may not be the best person to listen to.

I hadn't come across "ZOMG" before but thought it brilliantly conveyed a certain, annoying faux-urgent blather. Some people have no imagination!

put this on your desk, job done

I get interrupted at work all the time. It can be annoying. If it likely to be particularly annoying, I work somewhere else in the building, from home or wear headphones (which doesn’t stop it but helps).

I don’t consider talking to other people to be particularly ‘gracious’ of me. It’s part of my job.

Write it all down.

Is it the same people?
Is it the same info?
Is it “easier” to bother you than others/behave independently?
Could it be predicted?
Does it help you in any way or could it?

I used to hate being in an open plan office precisely because people thought they could wander up to my desk and interrupt me any time they liked. I even tried putting up signs saying, with varying degrees of politeness, that I was doing something urgent so please don't interrupt, but invariably there was always someone who thought it couldn't possibly apply to them.

@Plumtree391

I don't get the 'Zomg'.

I was hoping someone else would say this!

OMG has always had the desired effect to express surprise, urgency or whatever - what's the Z for??

They'll come back with "Zomg nooo must speak!" and so I ring and the above exchange takes place

Why ring? If you aren’t happy with “graciously” giving up your time to do your job, why ring? When it comes to clients, if they want to speak to me, they can, it’s what they pay me for. If it is family or colleagues and I genuinely don’t feel what I’m doing is less important than speaking to them, I tell them I’ll speak when I’m done and repeat that politely if necessary.

If someone queries my response, I’ll explain why we do that e.g we use that brush because it give a better finish. I never assume people are asking a follow up just to piss me off, I assume they need more information. If you are simply repeating your answer, no wonder they call you rude and impatient.

OMG has always had the desired effect to express surprise, urgency or whatever - what's the Z for??

I presume for OP to show she is “down with the kidz”

Ignore the idiots who don't know what zomg means.

At work: is your role to do stuff like e.g. writing a long report? If so perhaps you could go in a private room to do it or wfh sometimes? Or are you e.g. the team admin person? If you have to sit in open plan all the time and you are responsible for managing a team or process you'll just have to suck it up and work in a more interruptable way.

At home: are you doing work? In which case "not now darling I'm at work". If you're just doing other stuff again you might need to be more interruptable.

People aren't good at brusque in person interactions, they like to chew the fat a bit. Put it down to building your networks or establishing goodwill or stronger relationships.

However many of us had never heard of 'Zomg' before your thread and will probably never hear it again. It actually detracted from the point of your thread.

@Plumtree391 OP was not to know that. I'd say it's a common thing she could assume people would know.

BTW if you don't know something, Google is a thing.

I get accused of being intimidating and I often don't understand why

Yes, this is me too, or was when I worked in an office, and also I've had this from school mums. I think it's because I'm basically straight-talking and not good at all the niceties. Maybe I have some ASD-like traits as some have suggested, or sometimes I think it's a Yorkshire thing (I've never had this reaction when back in Yorkshire - straight talking just seems to make sense to everyone there!).

But, beein seen as a bit intimidating can have its uses and doesn't have to be a disaster. If you are basically a nice, reliable etc person, that will be apparent eventually anyway. It's better than being all nicey-nicey and making promises and not actually giving a shit.

Sometimes when people have said "you're a bit intimidating" my first thought is "well why don't you grow a pair" (though I don't say it) which kind of suggests I am intimidating really. Oh well!

OMG has always had the desired effect to express surprise, urgency or whatever - what's the Z for??

*I presume for OP to show she is “down with the kidz”

I hadn't heard it before but it seems to represent the kind of person who is so "OMG OMG" that they're chaotic and would therefore add a typo to OMG. It's a pisstake of that kind of chaotic drama llama type. I like it.

I only answer texts and emails when I want to. Same with the phone- that's what voicemail and the answering service on the land line are for.

Yes that's right @QueenPeary, it's sort of taking the mick

I'm sure it's been around for at least ten years, catch up people!

Okay I just tried being more direct with my colleague. Exactly the above happened and I said while laughing, "I've just answered your question. If you want a different answer go try someone else".

@Coffeetree

Okay I just tried being more direct with my colleague. Exactly the above happened and I said while laughing, "I've just answered your question. If you want a different answer go try someone else".

@Plumtree391

I don't get the 'Zomg'.

I wonder if Op meant to type OMG but missed the cap key and got Zomg. That happens to me a lot .

I had a job where I was being asked countless questions and found a little explanation went a long way.

Them: Vinyl! What brush do I use on the blue teapot?

Me: You use the XYZ brush

Them: Really? Why can't I use the ABC brush?

Me: Because the XYZ brush has a finer tip for the flourish by the handle. The ABC brush is for the rim on the top.

Them: Ahh! Thanks!

That's pretty much how I handled the questions. It made for less work for me in the long run.

@Coffeetree

The ones who call me stuck-up are the ones with whom I've lost patience and told to go away after I've answered a question twice.

When you're called 'stuck up' tell them Thank you, I work hard to maintain my high standards. Always remember, passive is the very best form of aggression!

Some people haven't said something until they've said it three times. Some people haven't grasped an answer until they've heard it three times. Some people understand that others at work shouldn't be interrupted, but they still think they are the exception!

I feel your pain. I've just had to endure a loooong email exchange with a colleague who is literally following me up as I complete an extended piece of work with many legal complications.
Colleague: Why is this taking so long? We need this finished. The committee is anxious about it. Can you hurry the lawyers? Is everything in place?

Me: I'm frustrated too. We have been told we have to put this extra step in. It takes us to the end of the month. I can't make the month go any faster. The lawyers are all set. I told you and the committee all this in detail in the email I sent two weeks ago that you clearly haven't read. I detailed it again in my report I sent you last week that you also clearly haven't read. What more can I do to make you go away and let me get on feel confident that everything is being competently handled?

Silently screaming.