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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

a post on the community page about my 2 year old.

149 replies

youngandbroken · 08/09/2021 10:58

Namechanged because this is outing. I saw a Facebook post on the local community page about a woman mistreating a toddler and something about it just screamed at me that it was my toddler. I don't know exactly what made me ask because some details in the post were wrong but I messaged the poster for more information and I was right. She had pictures of the person (family member) who looking after my child. I've spoken to the person who wrote it and I just feel sick. I knew my child cried alot and didn't really like this person but my child is very shy in general and hasn't had alot of chance to socialise over the last couple of years for obvious reasons so I did just assume it was something they would grow out of but now my head is spinning and everything feels very surreal. I know it can be very frustrating having a baby crying and not being able to do much about it but they are only 2 and surely if you can't cope you just say you can't cope, not take them and then treat them so awfully that people want to report them! I feel so angry and guilty for my child. I don't think my child is an angel, just a normal 2 year old.

OP posts:
BrisbaneandGone · 08/09/2021 10:59

Mistreating how?

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 08/09/2021 11:01

What an awful way to find out.

What are you going to do about it? Is it worth involving the police?

SafeMove · 08/09/2021 11:03

Did the woman put it on FB community page as she was trying to establish who they were and wants to escalate it? That is a lot of effort for a member of public to go to (and putting yourself in a potential position of experiencing kickback)...it would concernme that my child was the subject of such high concern tbh.

youngandbroken · 08/09/2021 11:06

From the posters account there was lots of shouting, being left alone in a buggy in the sun while crying, being grabbed by the arms and shouted at to shut up for crying and not drinking their juice. I don't know what to do about it, my partner does seem to be minimising it (although he is still angry and taking it seriously, just not as much I am).

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 08/09/2021 11:07

OK. So what have you done / do you want to do about it?

Whatever you decide you will get support and advice here

I am sure from your OP that this will have been the last time that person has your child and that you will be looking for alternative care arrangements.

But have you decided how to talk to the woman concerned? I can't imagine how angry, sad, bewildered you must be feeling. Flowers

MrsRobbieHart · 08/09/2021 11:07

Well your child can’t ever be with that person again. That’s not negotiable.

I’d be telling them exactly why.

Wellonlyifihaveto · 08/09/2021 11:08

Is it your partners mum? I’d be fucking raging 😡

youngandbroken · 08/09/2021 11:08

@safemove yes that is what worries me. It is alot of effort to go to and so I feel like it must have been awful to witness - let alone for my child to experience. It feels like a living nightmare.

OP posts:
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 08/09/2021 11:09

If the person was happy enough treating your child like that in public then your partner really shouldn't be minimising it.

Have you talked to the person who was babysitting yet?

You must feel sick op Flowers

youngandbroken · 08/09/2021 11:09

It is my partners mum and I don't know if I want to talk to her, I don't know what I would even say I am so angry and upset right now.

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 08/09/2021 11:10

OP, you haven’t told us who it is, why they were looking after your DC or whether they are expected to look after DC in the future.

PersonaNonGarter · 08/09/2021 11:10

Cross post.

She should never be left alone with her again

Mamette · 08/09/2021 11:10

Thank goodness you have found out though. Even if it is awful and an awful way to find out. You can protect your child now.

HangingChads · 08/09/2021 11:11

Christ, never let that person look after your child unsupervised again.

youngandbroken · 08/09/2021 11:11

It was a weekly arrangement for 1 day a week so I could go to work. That's obviously got to change now.

OP posts:
RazorSharp · 08/09/2021 11:11

@youngandbroken

It is my partners mum and I don't know if I want to talk to her, I don't know what I would even say I am so angry and upset right now.
You just never ever leave your child with her again, what an evil woman.
MolyHolyGuacamole · 08/09/2021 11:12

@SafeMove

Did the woman put it on FB community page as she was trying to establish who they were and wants to escalate it? That is a lot of effort for a member of public to go to (and putting yourself in a potential position of experiencing kickback)...it would concernme that my child was the subject of such high concern tbh.
I've seen a few posts like this on Facebook community groups. It's usually done to alert the parent of the child that the person they are potentially paying to care for their child is not treating them well. A lot of the times it's assumed to be a childminder or nanny, and parents always comment on the posts saying 'I'd want to know is it was me'.

So I don't know if you're questioning this particular scenario, but things like this do happen.

romdowa · 08/09/2021 11:13

I'd go absolutely nuclear and she definitely would not be seeing my child unsupervised ever again. Wouldn't give a shit who it upset.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 08/09/2021 11:13

When was this person supposed to be looking after your child again?
Why send your child to this person when you've said they don't like this person? I'd not be leaving them alone with them as I'd be worried what is happening when you're not there.

DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 08/09/2021 11:14

Has your child got any marks from the grabbing?

Maybe you could call the non emergency police line and have a chat/pass on the person's details so they can get a first hand statement from them.

They likely won't press charges, but it would give you a good case for stopping access should it become an issue between you and your partner.

girlmom21 · 08/09/2021 11:14

I'd have lost my shit! Screenshot the messages and send them to her.

EmmaGrundyForPM · 08/09/2021 11:15

If they are doing that in public then God only knows how they are treating your daughter in private.

You and your partner need to address this. Yes, 2 year old can be demanding and tiring, but if that's the case then your MiL needs to recognise she's not coping and tell you she can't look after your daughter again. As she's not doing that, you need to do it and tell her she is not to have unsupervised access to her granddaughter again.

Noshowwithoutpunch · 08/09/2021 11:15

Just seen your update.

No never again would I send my child.
I'd be going myself though to show her the post and how you found out she'd been mistreating your child.

BathMatToe · 08/09/2021 11:16

@youngandbroken

It is my partners mum and I don't know if I want to talk to her, I don't know what I would even say I am so angry and upset right now.
I knew it would be his mum when you said he was minimising. She'd not ever have him again. Even if the person was being slightly ott, the very fact they've written in a public space complaining about the incident and worried would say to me that neither are having a good time at best, and abusive at worst.

You need to establish what they saw and ask mil how she found the day, if there was anything challenging.

I had a very similar incident and they'll never see my child again alone.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/09/2021 11:16

@youngandbroken

From the posters account there was lots of shouting, being left alone in a buggy in the sun while crying, being grabbed by the arms and shouted at to shut up for crying and not drinking their juice. I don't know what to do about it, my partner does seem to be minimising it (although he is still angry and taking it seriously, just not as much I am).
Is it a relative of his, is that why he's minimising? He should be livid. I would be
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