a post on the community page about my 2 year old.

[youngandbroken]

Namechanged because this is outing. I saw a Facebook post on the local community page about a woman mistreating a toddler and something about it just screamed at me that it was my toddler. I don't know exactly what made me ask because some details in the post were wrong but I messaged the poster for more information and I was right. She had pictures of the person (family member) who looking after my child. I've spoken to the person who wrote it and I just feel sick. I knew my child cried alot and didn't really like this person but my child is very shy in general and hasn't had alot of chance to socialise over the last couple of years for obvious reasons so I did just assume it was something they would grow out of but now my head is spinning and everything feels very surreal. I know it can be very frustrating having a baby crying and not being able to do much about it but they are only 2 and surely if you can't cope you just say you can't cope, not take them and then treat them so awfully that people want to report them! I feel so angry and guilty for my child. I don't think my child is an angel, just a normal 2 year old.

Poor you and poor little DD. Don’t be too hard on yourself, you couldn’t have foreseen this. All you can do is react to the information you have now.

I would caution you not to rely too much on your DP to be able to handle his mother. I am assuming he received the same poor parenting she’s been metering out to her grandchild, so it may take time and encouragement for him to see exactly how unacceptable her actions are as he’ll have been ‘programmed’ to make excuses for her and appease her. For that reason I’d be inclined to take the lead on closing that particular arrangement down.

I would be question your relationship with your partner if he can’t see that this is very wrong.

I would also be thanking the person who posted on Facebook. Without them you might never know.

You might want to ask MN to edit the name out of your recent post OP

That’s awful OP. I’m so sorry this has happened to you.

As others have said, the first thing to do is to find alternative childcare. Can you afford nursery/childminder? If so go and enquire right now. A lot of them won’t take a child for one day a week and lots are booked up months in advance, but because it’s September and kids are leaving to start school you might get lucky. In the interim can you/your partner take annual leave or shift days around so you don’t need her for a few weeks?

The other thing I’d say is that you mustn’t allow your partner to minimise your feelings - this is likely to be really difficult for him but don’t allow yourself to be talked into thinking it probably wasn’t that bad etc etc.

My stepfather smacked my son, I've never allowed contact between them again. It caused a lot of upset especially with my DM who couldn't see anything wrong as my son was being'naughty' but it enraged me. Not sure if it's worth going to the police about, a friend did when her DF smacked her son and the police didn't care and her entire family disowned her. The only thing is that as it's so public there is a chance children's services may be involved.

What was it that made you think that post was about your kid in the first place op?

@girlmom21

I'd have lost my shit! Screenshot the messages and send them to her.

Pooping yourself wouldn't help the situation. Or, did you mean become very angry. Again, not a helpful grown up response.

Rational, adult conversations tend to work best.

Oh you poor thing, you must feel awful!

First of all, as other pp have said, absolutely no unsupervised contact. To be honest I wouldn't want my child near her and I would be clear to explain why. Difficult with your older dc.

Secondly, does your child have any marks from the grabbing? If so get your child the the gp to have the marks noted. It is entirely possible that the gp will then raise this with children services as per protocol but as long as you can evidence that you have put steps in place to protect your child then you have nothing to worry about.

Your dp needs to step up and be the one to discuss this with his mother. He cannot minimise it. If this is what the public saw then it is likely this happens when she has your dc at her home too.

Pooping ????

Again, not a helpful grown up response. indeed!

There are some decent childcare providers @youngandbroken or is there another family member/friend that you trust to take over the 1 day a week?

My exMIL once mistreated my son. He was 10 months old and I had left her with him for the first time during the evening. He was in a clingy stage (would get very stressed if he couldn’t see me) so I asked if he woke up that she go to see him.
Got back, she said everything was fine, he didn’t wake and my ex drove her home. I went upstairs to check on him to find he was covered in sick, all around his cot, in his hair, smeared all over the cot bars. He must’ve woken, cried and cried and she didn’t go to him, and he was sick with upset. Found out she had been on the phone to her friend for two hours and had turned the baby monitor off and ignored him. She hadn’t even checked on him when he stopped crying.
Neighbour had heard him crying and crying.
I bollocked her for it and she never had him on his own again.
I would’ve loved a nice MIL to be able to provide childcare, and hope when I am a grandparent I can help out with the childcare as a MIL too.
What an appalling experience for your child and so lucky there was a witness to it. It is brave to post on social media and risk a backlash, so they must’ve been horrified.

@CuriousaboutSamphire

Pooping ????

Again, not a helpful grown up response. indeed!

Well since I was dealing with someone who 'loses their shit' easily I thought I used toddler language. Would 'soiling' work better for you?

My apologies for derailing your thread (a bit) @youngandbroken. It's the constant over the top, ridiculous use of 'losing my shit', 'boiling my piss' and other such nonsense. I should ignore and scroll by.

@difficultpifcultlemondifficult I honestly don't know what it was about the post exactly, the place was right, as well as the number of children/genders and the ages of the children were guessed fairly correctly but I just felt like I knew and I had to ask the woman.
@meow1989 there are no marks as far as I can tell, her arms do look a little bit red but I could be imagining things trying to see things that aren't there.

What did the pictures show, op?

[quote youngandbroken]@difficultpifcultlemondifficult I honestly don't know what it was about the post exactly, the place was right, as well as the number of children/genders and the ages of the children were guessed fairly correctly but I just felt like I knew and I had to ask the woman.
@meow1989 there are no marks as far as I can tell, her arms do look a little bit red but I could be imagining things trying to see things that aren't there.[/quote]
I was just wondering if she had done anything previously to make you suspect it could be her?

Was your older child there too?

@Namechangedforthreadbackafter

My apologies for derailing your thread (a bit) *@youngandbroken*. It's the constant over the top, ridiculous use of 'losing my shit', 'boiling my piss' and other such nonsense. I should ignore and scroll by.

I’m not sure it’s over the top in this situation.

OP I’m sorry you’re in this situation but it’s good that you found out. You’re doing the right thing. I hope your partner can support that.

It was filmed?
I think I would send it to her and ask for an explanation.
In the meantime I would make alternative arrangements for childcare.

Anger is an entirely acceptable response to this situation.

I think you’ve got to start ringing round nurseries and childminders pretty urgently, OP. For a stranger to notice, worry enough to take photos and post on a local forum, things must have been pretty bad :(

Don't send it to her, you need to see her reaction and DP needs to be onboard.

Does your mil not get to say her side of the story? I'm in the garden right now listening to a toddler tantrum right now.
, haven't a clue whats ita about but I could make a guess and post about it on Facebook. Doesn't mean it will be true though. You must get a vibe about how your child is with MIL and what kind of person she is?

It wasn't filmed sorry there were some photographs taken only of the person who did it, the person who witness it didn't want to take pictures with the children in the frame so the photos don't show anything.

Does your mil not get to say her side of the story? Yes, when her son talks to her about the specific incident... but that doesn't mean OP has to change her mind... espcially given the information she included about her DD saying she doesn't like GM before this incident and her eldest confirming that GM has been like this before.