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Original poster

a post on the community page about my 2 year old.

149 replies

youngandbroken · 08/09/2021 10:58

Namechanged because this is outing. I saw a Facebook post on the local community page about a woman mistreating a toddler and something about it just screamed at me that it was my toddler. I don't know exactly what made me ask because some details in the post were wrong but I messaged the poster for more information and I was right. She had pictures of the person (family member) who looking after my child. I've spoken to the person who wrote it and I just feel sick. I knew my child cried alot and didn't really like this person but my child is very shy in general and hasn't had alot of chance to socialise over the last couple of years for obvious reasons so I did just assume it was something they would grow out of but now my head is spinning and everything feels very surreal. I know it can be very frustrating having a baby crying and not being able to do much about it but they are only 2 and surely if you can't cope you just say you can't cope, not take them and then treat them so awfully that people want to report them! I feel so angry and guilty for my child. I don't think my child is an angel, just a normal 2 year old.

OP posts:
Original poster
youngandbroken · 08/09/2021 12:29

RedHelenB but the post wasn't about a child tantruming, it was about a child being grabbed at screamed at to shut up. Those are two very different things. But for the record yes, she will be able tell her side but I don't see anything that could excuse that nor do I think someone would go to the effort of making up something like this and taking photos? For what purpose.

OP posts:
Yummymummy2020 · 08/09/2021 12:30

Yeah the fact it was up in a group it must have been bad! I feel so sorry for you how upsetting. I would say to her exactly what has happened and your husband should be the one to do it and say you won’t be leaving the child with her unsupervised anymore.

PrincessNutella · 08/09/2021 12:33

Here's the good news: You found out and you can do something about it. Your child will be okay. But yes, you must do something now.

thefourgp · 08/09/2021 12:33

No matter what she or your husband say, you cannot risk your child by leaving them with her again. What are you going to do about alternative child care?

Dazedandconfused170 · 08/09/2021 12:34

It’s easier said than done to just cut all contact with them as they’re part of the family

I would show them the post and ask them about it, say that it seems to be too much for her so let’s have a break from childcare for the moment

No point in going off the handle saying they’ll never look after them again as that’s obviously going to cause more problems

Have a proper conversation with her and ask her to explain the post

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/09/2021 12:34

I don't know if I want to talk to her

Fuck that, get on the phone NOW go round to her house NOW and tell her that her behaviour is abusive and unacceptable. Protect your child!

Beautiful3 · 08/09/2021 12:34

For a stranger to witness that and post it on fb, it must have been really serious. No-one would do that unless it was bad, because of the repricussions. Also its easy to track down the people who posted it, so it's easy to harass the poster. I would 100 percent NOT leave your child with this person, ever again.

PuzzledObserver · 08/09/2021 12:36

@RedHelenB

Does your mil not get to say her side of the story? I'm in the garden right now listening to a toddler tantrum right now. , haven't a clue whats ita about but I could make a guess and post about it on Facebook. Doesn't mean it will be true though. You must get a vibe about how your child is with MIL and what kind of person she is?
Toddler tantrums are one thing.

Toddler being left in hot sun, being shouted at and grabbed by the arm are another thing entirely.

You can hear a tantrum, and have no reason to think it’s anything more than that. But if you could hear an adult shouting at the toddler, would you not be concerned?

justasking111 · 08/09/2021 12:37

Show her the post the poster could still escalate this to social services because you have been in contact with them revealing yourself. Get your ducks in a row there maybe a knock on the door I would report it if I had found out who you were.

Notimeforaname · 08/09/2021 12:37

Wow..you have to bring this up immediately with her. Dont sit on this. What are you waiting for?

I'm sorry thay happened. Your poor toddler Flowers

Thehop · 08/09/2021 12:37

If she treats your child like that in our lives what the hell does she do behind closed doors?

Notimeforaname · 08/09/2021 12:37

That*

Catchthepigeons · 08/09/2021 12:38

I don't think there's any coming back from that. For a member of the public to be that concerned is awful.

If that was me I'd tell dp he can maintain an independent relationship with his mother but she sure as hell wouldn't be coming anywhere near the kids.

What a horrible woman to treat a defenseless child like that.

MrsWhites · 08/09/2021 12:42

That’s awful OP, must have been a terrible shock for you.

I would definitely be going NC with this person, I’d be very annoyed with your partner for minimising too. Obviously it’s up to him if he has a relationship with his mum going forward but he at the very least needs to have it out with her surely?

You also mention other children, if she’s left in charge of other children, I assume other grandchildren then perhaps your partner needs to have a conversation with his siblings. I would want to know if someone minding my children behaved like this!

Realyorkshiretea · 08/09/2021 12:42

@girlmom21

I'd have lost my shit! Screenshot the messages and send them to her.
This. That way she can’t be all ‘Oh YOU’RE taking it the wrong way because you don’t like me sob sob’ - it’s come from an independent source. Plus a bit of public shaming might put her off mistreating little children again.

And whatever you do do not leave your daughter alone with her again.

Drinkingallthewine · 08/09/2021 12:42

It's not normal disciplining if someone publicly went on FB to ask about it. If you think about it, if you saw something similar, you'd probably go home to and tell your DP about what you saw, and both of you would probably agree that it was wrong. Then for the woman to go on FB to try to track down the parent/ child tells you that she was very concerned for the welfare of your DC.
Your DP and MIL can't just write off you as being OTT here - this could have potentially been reported to SS and your family be subject to their investigation.

I once had an incident where I walked into the room of the creche to find a worker practically screaming at my son, and she went pale when she turned around and saw me so we both knew she was caught in the act of something wrong. OH and I made an appointment with the manager. She was wonderful. She said she drills it into her staff to always speak to children as if their parent is right in the room. The worker got a written warning and the other two in the room at the time who had left their own rooms unaccompanied both got verbal warnings. Ironically the one who got the written warning had the most qualifications in the unit for childcare.

LolaButt · 08/09/2021 12:44

Gosh. Yeah, you need to protect your child.

No one at any age should be treated like that.

BeanyBops · 08/09/2021 12:46

DP might be minimising out of loyalty to his mum, finding it hard to believe, or because he was treated the same way and doesn't fully understand it's wrong.

100% this is abusive behaviour and I wouldn't let my child be around this woman ever again. Even supervised access would be too much, child could still find it very upsetting. Not least because seeing you treat the 'scary woman' like everything is ok could be very confusing for them

RedHelenB · 08/09/2021 12:46

I would think OP should have an idea of how her MIL is given she leaves her children with them. And one person's stern voice can be another person's shouting. Nothing can be resolved though until OP and her partner speak to MIL.

Brollypackedforscottishholiday · 08/09/2021 12:47

One of my older dc witnessed mil threaten to slap ds's face once. She never had them alone again.
You must stay firm. The fall out with her is irrelevant.. She can't be around your dc anymore..

justasking111 · 08/09/2021 12:50

DIL caught a teaching assistant screaming at her four year old in the playground. said hey that's my child through the fence. TA fled teacher came out to minimise. DIL escalated to head. CCTV confirmed the incident. TA vanished my grandson who had been so unhappy because teacher would write a report on him daily saying how bad he was daily was a lazy cow who would agree with anything the TA reported.

Trust has to be earned some family members are not fit to look after children

MzHz · 08/09/2021 12:53

I would send her the screenshots, tell her I’ve spoken to the people who witnessed this, that for the sake of my dp I’d not call the police/report her but that she won’t be seeing the kids unsupervised again.

Cold. ice cold fury is the only way you can get through this

Any push back from anyone, just repeat, it’s my job to protect my dc. And that’s what I’m doing.

MzHz · 08/09/2021 12:54

I made that decision with my own mother when ds was 6, and for less than this.

What’s happened here @youngandbroken is HUGE.

Fernando072020 · 08/09/2021 12:56

Well that would be the last time my mil would have my child if I found that out.

Drinkingallthewine · 08/09/2021 12:59

The thing is, even if you minimise this for now - which I don't think you would - but if you did, you'd always wonder if all was ok on the days MIL had your DC.

For me, I took zero chances when my DC was too young to tell me if he was being mistreated. I erred on the side of caution always.