a post on the community page about my 2 year old.

[youngandbroken]

Namechanged because this is outing. I saw a Facebook post on the local community page about a woman mistreating a toddler and something about it just screamed at me that it was my toddler. I don't know exactly what made me ask because some details in the post were wrong but I messaged the poster for more information and I was right. She had pictures of the person (family member) who looking after my child. I've spoken to the person who wrote it and I just feel sick. I knew my child cried alot and didn't really like this person but my child is very shy in general and hasn't had alot of chance to socialise over the last couple of years for obvious reasons so I did just assume it was something they would grow out of but now my head is spinning and everything feels very surreal. I know it can be very frustrating having a baby crying and not being able to do much about it but they are only 2 and surely if you can't cope you just say you can't cope, not take them and then treat them so awfully that people want to report them! I feel so angry and guilty for my child. I don't think my child is an angel, just a normal 2 year old.

Sounds like your mil couldn't cope. Don't ever leave your child with them alone again. And don't let your dp minimise it. Terrible behaviour.

@NanaPorsche you sound lovely and I am glad you perservered with your granddaughter.
This case is different though. You didn't scream at your GD or leave her in direct sun screaming, or grab at her and wrench her.
Parents observing would have been able to tell that you were just managing a toddler. Not abusing her like this one seems to have been.

I would never let the kids near her and would have NO issue telling her exactly why. It must have been serious enough for someone to take the time to make a post about this. Your mil should be horrified and know that people have evidence of what she's done. And your dp should be thoroughly ashamed of himself wanting to allow this.

You don’t need to say anything other than the arrangement is cancelled. It’s not important to go over it because the situation can never arise again in the future.

I don't agree. This is more than just cancelling the arrangement, this is not ever leaving the children alone with their grandparent. That has to be discussed and reasons given why.

I know 😔. @DoYouWantDecking

Just made me very sad to read - was just maybe trying to think up some kind of reasoning behind why dad in the OP is minimising. He may be trying to justify his mum's behaviour which could, in his opinion, have been misrepresented. The child may not be used to MIL's company.

Really hurts to think about anyone being disrespected/hurt/abused - especially an infant who is not able to communicate their needs and understand an explanation of what's happening. Children just instinctively react to their immediate experiences.

Children can be very frightened by unexpected events beyond their comprehension.

@NanaPorsche yes and it has been a terrible couple of years for new mums and babies. It is such a hard time anyway.

Honestly I would be tempted to give the fb woman enough accurate details to report to social services if she thinks its warranted, and go to them yourself so your DP can see the view of outsiders. You really do need to ensure she's never left in sole charge again. And I think you need to go crazy at her, so she understands how serious this is. It sounds like you're worried you'll be in the wrong if you raise it. You need to make it very clear that unless many things change, you'll be removing access to your child. agree with posts to contact NSPCC for advise, and get your DP as involved as you can: he will want to minimise this, let it blow over, because its his mum. If you don't get outsiders involved at this point, in a few weeks he'll be trying to convince you to go back tot he status quo.

She can't ever be alone with your child again I'm so sorry x

Exactly! @DoYouWantDecking

Three of my grandchildren have been born in 2020.

I feel I hardly know them and that we were the only ones rigorously following the rules. It was heartbreaking watching my daughters struggle and all we could do was drop shopping off and leave.

It's been very hard for mums returning to work when their little ones have had very little contact with others. Very few mum's groups happening and very little HV support. In our experience.

Would your husband feel better putting it factually to her: someone who saw you with my child was concerned enough that they were going to report you. For everyone's sake, you can no longer provide childcare.

If you are confident there has been mistreatment, I would discuss this with her.

However, I'd be wary that since you have no evidence to show her she will just deny it, minimise what happened and try and get your partner on her side...which he already seems inclined to be anyway so he's unlikely to back you up.

It might be that the best thing you can do is to get your partner to tell her you'll no longer need her to watch your child anymore as it's no longer necessary. And she no longer gets to babysit either of your children - though she doesn't need to be told that.

This will be difficult to manage without your partner on side, and the most important thing is that she's no longer alone with your children.

To be honest I'd be hugely tempted to confront her about what you've been told myself, but with no partner on side, no evidence to show her, and not having witnessed it yourself, it would only go one way....basically her denying it and getting in her son's ear that you're paranoid, believing some random stranger over her, your child was being difficult and that's all the person saw, etc etc.

The best thing you can do is just stop her having your children alone from now.

@NanaPorsche you sound exactly like the kind of nana I want to be.

I’d show your MiL the post and pictures and hear her side and then take it from
There.

[quote Seesawmummadaw]@NanaPorsche you sound exactly like the kind of nana I want to be.[/quote]

I gave up teaching because I wanted to look after my older granddaughter when mum had to go back to work.

I had her full time. She still stays one night a week. She is very close to my DH and me. We have the same sense of fun and her chuckles are music to my ears.

I now have three further GC to 'mind'. Possibly another on the way (daughter turned down drinks at a weekend wedding - which is 'out of character').

I will treasure this time as I know that the day will come when they prefer their friend's company to ours.

I feel honoured to be able to build relationships with them all.

I'm having the time of my life.

I'm hoping that the OP's post is a huge miscommunication by well meaning others.

@WolfFleeceSpotter

My exMIL once mistreated my son. He was 10 months old and I had left her with him for the first time during the evening. He was in a clingy stage (would get very stressed if he couldn’t see me) so I asked if he woke up that she go to see him. Got back, she said everything was fine, he didn’t wake and my ex drove her home. I went upstairs to check on him to find he was covered in sick, all around his cot, in his hair, smeared all over the cot bars. He must’ve woken, cried and cried and she didn’t go to him, and he was sick with upset. Found out she had been on the phone to her friend for two hours and had turned the baby monitor off and ignored him. She hadn’t even checked on him when he stopped crying. Neighbour had heard him crying and crying. I bollocked her for it and she never had him on his own again. I would’ve loved a nice MIL to be able to provide childcare, and hope when I am a grandparent I can help out with the childcare as a MIL too. What an appalling experience for your child and so lucky there was a witness to it. It is brave to post on social media and risk a backlash, so they must’ve been horrified.

He could have choked!

What a vile cow

That's horrendous!
I would never leave my child with her again.
That's very serious and not to be minimised

@leakymcleakleak

Honestly I would be tempted to give the fb woman enough accurate details to report to social services if she thinks its warranted, and go to them yourself so your DP can see the view of outsiders. You really do need to ensure she's never left in sole charge again. And I think you need to go crazy at her, so she understands how serious this is. It sounds like you're worried you'll be in the wrong if you raise it. You need to make it very clear that unless many things change, you'll be removing access to your child. agree with posts to contact NSPCC for advise, and get your DP as involved as you can: he will want to minimise this, let it blow over, because its his mum. If you don't get outsiders involved at this point, in a few weeks he'll be trying to convince you to go back tot he status quo.

Actually I would be tempted to do this.

because if you tell her, she will minimise it.
Your DP is going to minimise it (he already is)
And yu will end up the one 'who is wrong and creating problems'.

But if you dont tell her and let that go .... :(

And if you go half way not 'needing her anymore' you might well also have to filed many questions as to why.

Im wondering how on board your DP is about stopping all childcare arrangement with his mum. And how he feels boaut her never babysitting again... This will decide how you can react really.

Well she would never be seeing my child unsupervised ever again and that’s pretty generous tbh.

Your DH needs to address this. Sort out alternative childcare and be clear that there is an independent witness. Never leave her alone again.

If you've seen this post on the Community Page OP, and identified your MIL, I'm sure others in the community will have seen it too.
Members of the community may be have been in touch with the Police/ Social Services... It must have been bad for somebody to film the episode and upload it. If the Police or Social Services become involved it's likely you'll have to be part of the investigation, your partner too.

Your partner minimising it is a concern, does he not realise that his mother is on a community page for abusing a child?

I'd making alternative child care arrangements, so you can show you're taking the matter seriously and won't be sending your child to her anymore.

I hope you get things sorted, don't let anyone downplay this situation. There's no justification for treating a child in such a way. As others have said, if she's been as brazen in public with her abuse, what's she like behind closed doors when she knows nobody is watching?

I think I saw the Facebook post you're talking about.... the lady who took pictures thought the women was the NAnny... as in childcarer? Not grandmother.

I don't blame you for being worried. I think most people wouldn't post on a group that big had they not been truly concerned.

You need to stop the childcare arrangement. Only supervised visits. The grandmother obviously cannot cope.

This must be very hard and a great shock to have seen it on Facebook like that. X

Your MIL must never see your child again.

Call the police and report her for what she did.

Get your DH to approach her about it first but make sure he won't minimise. There may be something else going on but I think her babysitting days are done.

@Brollypackedforscottishholiday

I would tell mil a friend saw her and dc out. Watch for her reaction..

I like this one! It seems less confrontational than a random member of the public taking a photo and posting on a public board