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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU about people who say ‘they worked hard to get to where they are’?

970 replies

MessyMissyMe · 07/09/2021 18:06

Generally these are highly paid people who were able to go to University (support from parents/inherited intellect/confidence and self belief built up by secure, happy childhood) or had the resources to start their own business and were lucky enough to get remunerated by employment that they enjoyed and were good at, didn’t have outside influences or stressors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

They basically are just LUCKY and don’t deserve their success anymore than a cleaner or a care worker living hand to mouth in social housing deserves their lack of.

AIBU to get annoyed at people who say this?

OP posts:
Supersimkin2 · 07/09/2021 18:33

If hard work made you rich, every woman in Africa would be a millionaire.

In the UK your house will make more money than you ever could.

Comedycook · 07/09/2021 18:34

@Supersimkin2

If hard work made you rich, every woman in Africa would be a millionaire.

In the UK your house will make more money than you ever could.

Truth!
Trisolaris · 07/09/2021 18:34

@Annoyedanddissapointed

It's because people still keep trotting out work hard, when it's actually work smart🙄

It's a combo of factors, but you can't really be that bitter about someone taking risks someone else refused to take.
Eg. I emigrated. I took massive risk to go and learn language and get experience in another country. Mate chose to stay for a boyfriend. One of us is making more money than the other.
Sometimes it's luck. Some if it is luck. Lots of it isn't.

This too! Absolutely all about working smarter and taking calculated risks.
Payproblems · 07/09/2021 18:35
  • well renumerated by a job they aren't good at and love

Pils are like this and Mil is just awful about it

Annoyedanddissapointed · 07/09/2021 18:35

This too! Absolutely all about working smarter and taking calculated risks.

And make peace with miscalculations! They happen all the time. Can't prevent it

MyBadHabitsLeadToYou · 07/09/2021 18:35

Wow. Do you need some salt and vinegar for that chip?

BrozTito · 07/09/2021 18:36

Nah you're riight and these people allllllways say they have a coal miner in the family for some reason.

ChargingBuck · 07/09/2021 18:36

@RyanReynoldsHusband

Are you saying people who go to university don’t work hard?

You sound extremely bitter.

No - she is saying, very plainly in her initial post - that people who are struggling to get by are also often just as hard working.

It's not bitter to observe that plenty of minimum wage & zero-hours jobs are extremely hard work.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/09/2021 18:37

YABU.
It’s not luck, it usually is hard work, whilst in education and after.

Not everyone had a good childhood or a financial handout to start life etc.

BrozTito · 07/09/2021 18:37

Cue hovis music

Merriwicks · 07/09/2021 18:37

Eh no, I worked hard. I got free school meals, uniform grants, 2 bedroom council house, so definitely not born with a silver spoon. Went to uni, paid my own way through a masters as well. Had no financial help from parents. My friend who I lived with at uni worked 3 jobs to pay her way through uni, although had well off parents. We worked very hard to get where we are!

Fanfix · 07/09/2021 18:39

So I struggle with this.

I've always come at it from an "I've been really lucky" angle until a friend pulled me up and asked about all the extra hours, the travelling, the doing three part time jobs during a full time Uni course etc etc. And to be clear, I did go to Uni and I was lucky enough to get a scholarship BUT I didn't have the stable upbringing, I lived in the poorest constituency in the country and I went to a "Needs Improvement" school.

There is definitely luck involved but there's also an element of work too - both are needed IME.

Cherryade8 · 07/09/2021 18:39

Yabu. Some people work very hard to get to where they are in life. Some people are lazy feckers.

There are other factors, but I often notice, completely anecdotally, that those who moan the most about 'bad luck, rubbish opportunities' etc are the laziest and expect it all handed to them, then are bitter when others do work hard and end up with a better lifestyle. Of course, money isn't everything, but most people in good jobs have worked hard, ime.

grapewine · 07/09/2021 18:39

They basically are just LUCKY and don’t deserve their success anymore than a cleaner or a care worker living hand to mouth in social housing deserves their lack of.

YABU to have such a huge chip on your shoulder about people, whose lives you know fuck all about when it comes to it. Bluntly.

Simonjt · 07/09/2021 18:39

Its a combination of luck (intelligence, right place right time) and a drive.

I have a fairly well paying job, I was made homeless and had to be completely independent at 17, but I was absolutely determined I would get to university and then go on to my chosen career. But that is also cultural, for me not valuing education would be a big taboo.

Namenic · 07/09/2021 18:40

Most people are luckier than some but not as lucky as others. Most people in U.K. are luckier than most people in war zones. I guess it’s just beneficial to count our blessings and do what we can to help ourselves and others

AICM · 07/09/2021 18:40

Sometimes yes. Sometimes no.

Context is everything.

Many people for humble beginnings really have worked hard.
Many people from privileged backgrounds have worked hard too.

Some people get lucky.

Sarahlou63 · 07/09/2021 18:41

Generally these are highly paid people who were able to go to University (support from parents/inherited intellect/confidence and self belief built up by secure, happy childhood) or had the resources to start their own business and were lucky enough to get remunerated by employment that they enjoyed and were good at, didn’t have outside influences or stressors that made things harder/took up time they needed to study or build a career.

What's your source for this conclusion?

TheWayTheLightFalls · 07/09/2021 18:41

These posts are always problematic because we’re expecting each poster to be objective (never mind honest) about their background, skills, determination, dedication etc. And it’s impossible.

I feel like I demonstrated a lot of tenacity, grit etc to get where I am, starting without the safety net of being a British citizen with access to the welfare state. But there was/is a lot of luck in the mix too. Bit of both.

MyBadHabitsLeadToYou · 07/09/2021 18:42

Its a combination of luck (intelligence, right place right time) and a drive

This.

And maybe not wasting energy feeling bitter about the circumstances of others and using them as an excuse for your own perceived shortcomings

Chloemol · 07/09/2021 18:42

Don’t you sound bitter

I got where I am due to hard work, no uni, no family inheritance, had to work long hours, got passed over on a regular basis by those that had been to uni, but expected to sort their mess out after they move on, do my extra qualifications in my own time, unlike others

Lots of people get where they are due to their hard work, going without to get there, especially when setting up their own business

LUCKY has nothing to do with it

gwenneh · 07/09/2021 18:42

You're right, the starting line isn't equal for all. The rest of the argument is pretty flimsy, though, being as it's based on generalisations.

ChateauxNeufDePoop · 07/09/2021 18:43

Unless it's a lottery win or being dropped in at Director level in a family company then YABU. A stroke or two of luck is maybe needed to get to a top paying job in any profession but it can hardly ever happen without hard work.

Chloemol · 07/09/2021 18:43

@MessyMissyMe
I went to University RyanReynolds. Didn’t find it particularly hard tbh!

Just like you are not finding it hard to sound bitter and jealous about others

godmum56 · 07/09/2021 18:43

@MyBadHabitsLeadToYou

Wow. Do you need some salt and vinegar for that chip?
this

When I say I worked hard and my late husband worked hard, its ALL I mean. I am not saying that nobody else does or that people who didn't get where I am didn't work as hard......actually its very rare for me to say anything about my antecedents.....I mean i just don't see the relevance.

I do agree that people who have done well for themselves and like to rub people's noses in it are a bunch of asshats regardless of how they got where they are.