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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just sack off this weekend

232 replies

TomAllenWife · 07/09/2021 06:46

Don't want to post too much as outing, but if you were due to go on a weekend away on Friday and still no arrangements had been made regarding leaving time, travel, food or sleeping arrangements would you bother?

Despite asking repeatedly I'm just getting nowhere.

I do suffer with anxiety and need a plan to work to, I need to be organised.

Would you just stay home?

OP posts:
Jangle33 · 07/09/2021 13:26

Have you been away with this group before? You generally need to go with the flow… there’s accommodation all sorted so I think all details will get ironed out Thursday/Friday..

myotherusernameistaken · 07/09/2021 13:27

@NerrSnerr

You and two others have been invited - that makes 3. Who is the 4th person?

I assume the owner of the holiday property is the 4th person.

Well yes, so why on earth did OP say "I don't know where I'm going and it's not their house RTFT"
FfrothiCoffi · 07/09/2021 13:30

Well yes, so why on earth did OP say "I don't know where I'm going and it's not their house RTFT"

I assume she meant it’s not their home. As in they don’t live there. They own it though.

Dillydollydingdong · 07/09/2021 13:32

Yes, I wouldn't go if no firm arrangements have been made. It sounds as though it's been called off.

FfrothiCoffi · 07/09/2021 13:38

Why does it?? That’s madness. They’ve been discussing it over WhatsApp, just haven’t made firm plans because they’re not going until Friday!

MadeOfStarStuff · 07/09/2021 13:55

You need to use your words and ask for details, if it bothers you. Ask where you’re going to be staying then make a plan based on the answers. You’re an adult, you need to take responsibility for helping yourself here.

myotherusernameistaken · 07/09/2021 14:07

@FfrothiCoffi

Well yes, so why on earth did OP say "I don't know where I'm going and it's not their house RTFT"

I assume she meant it’s not their home. As in they don’t live there. They own it though.

Ah, OK, it's all in code then.

So when she says that she has asked for the address, should we infer that she means that she hasn't asked for the address?

"It's not their house" suggests that it is...well...not their house.
But it is.

Confusedandshaken · 07/09/2021 14:35

The fact that you are being hosted by one of the group does change things slightly. It’s still up to you to decide the timings of your journey but you need to wait for her to take the lead about food/ meal arrangements. If it’s her property she will probably have a set way of doing things.

mildlymiffed · 07/09/2021 14:37

@TomAllenWife

I have asked! Lots of times This morning I said hi can I have the postcode & check in times, no reply but seen by all group 🤷🏼‍♀️
Maybe call someone? Less easy to avoid than a message. Good old fashioned 1-1 phone call!!!

People are busy. I've just moved house and ds started a new school. My friends probably think I'm really rude as I've ignored most messages for the last week or so...

blueskytoday06 · 07/09/2021 14:39

Yeah I'm with you OP. I like a plan.

pussycatlickinglollyices · 07/09/2021 15:25

They've had their chance. I'd sack it off now.

as for "people are busy"...yes, well spotted...maybe OP is busy too?! 🤷🏻‍♀️

RampantIvy · 07/09/2021 15:37

They're all busy

Sorry, I don't buy this. No-one is too busy to post a postcode on a WhatsApp group chat.

If I was supposed to be driving someone to a weekend away I would like to know where I am going a few days beforehand so I can do a bit of research.

FfrothiCoffi · 07/09/2021 15:48

How much research do you need about a 2 hour drive?! Surely you won’t be researching for a couple of days??

CaptSkippy · 07/09/2021 16:01

This would piss me off too, I would want to know the enough details a week in advance if preparations are required from my side so that I can plan these preparations during the week when they suit me best. These evasive answers and non replies would annoy me.

OP, in your stead I would become passive about it. I would ask no more questions and make no more preparations. If further details come along I would see if I can accomodate them and if not I would cancel the trip from side and whish them a lovely time.

At this point I be looking forward to a leisurely weekend at home.

NatashaRf · 07/09/2021 16:36

@FfrothiCoffi

How much research do you need about a 2 hour drive?! Surely you won’t be researching for a couple of days??
Won't spend days researching - but I would want to check/plan a few days out.

I have a long drive Friday for work. Have already checked my route and timings so I know when to leave by etc.

Booknooks · 07/09/2021 16:38

@FfrothiCoffi

How much research do you need about a 2 hour drive?! Surely you won’t be researching for a couple of days??
I would have before getting my anxiety under control. I'd have checked it on maps at different times of day to try and find the best time to travel, I'd know all potential stops, alternative routes- it was exhausting. Now I have to try very hard to not obsessed and to just look at a map once for a general idea and then roll with it but it's hard.
JudgeRindersMinder · 07/09/2021 16:40

All this angst which could be sorted with a PHONE CALL. Not a WhatsApp, not a text, not an email nor a carrier pigeon, a good old fashioned phone call!! No wonder people “suffer from anxiety”, you’re making ME anxious with your inability to take some responsibility 😂

PoppenhuisStories · 07/09/2021 16:44
  • @PoppenhuisStories I don't know where I'm going and it's not their house RTFL*

You said you know the general area, that it is two hours away and the owner invited you to their cottage. A cottage is a house no? I think you need to work on your communication skills frankly, you sound uptight and rude.

rookiemere · 07/09/2021 16:47

I'd find it weird if someone phoned me up to confirm something they'd already asked on WhatsApp.
If you want to chase text or send an individual message.

boogiewithasuitcase · 07/09/2021 16:48

YANBU. It is now nearly Tuesday evening. You're off on Friday so why hasn't anyone given you the sodding postcode yet?

RampantIvy · 07/09/2021 16:50

@FfrothiCoffi

How much research do you need about a 2 hour drive?! Surely you won’t be researching for a couple of days??
No, but I still would like to know where I am going for the weekend a few days beforehand. Most people would.

I don't suffer from anxiety, and am a confident driver. I would just want to know today rather than Friday morning.

Mostly, it is the fact that no-one is answering the OP's question that seems a bit off.

Brefugee · 07/09/2021 18:06

I'd call one of them and say that if you don't get the address by the end of today you're not coming.
Then if the address isn't forthcoming write in the group first thing that you're not going and that the secrecy is childish.

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 07/09/2021 18:47

So still no postcode or idea of check in time

I said I was happy to eat out Friday and be flexible Saturday
1 person said 'I'm happy whatever'

I've really had enough now, I don't mind driving anywhere and that's not the anxiety.
I like to know what I'm doing and when and where I'm doing it. I don't think that's to much to ask

I can make plans with DP and then have a nite in on Saturday

On the other hand I feel a bit flouncy saying 'we'll no one has given me any information so I won't be coming'

I'll give it until the morning then I'm out

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/09/2021 18:53

Surely you know whereabouts it is if not specific address. More than The Coast anyway.

WallaceinAnderland · 07/09/2021 18:54

I'd sack it off OP purely because they sound so rude just ignoring your messages.