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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To just sack off this weekend

232 replies

TomAllenWife · 07/09/2021 06:46

Don't want to post too much as outing, but if you were due to go on a weekend away on Friday and still no arrangements had been made regarding leaving time, travel, food or sleeping arrangements would you bother?

Despite asking repeatedly I'm just getting nowhere.

I do suffer with anxiety and need a plan to work to, I need to be organised.

Would you just stay home?

OP posts:
BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 07/09/2021 07:22

Just make your own plan

"Hey, we are leaving ours at 9am on Friday- feel free to come over and drive in convoy or we can meet you there. I've bought enough dinner to feed us all Friday night. Can you bring something for us all to eat Saturday night? I've shoved a few breakfast bits in, and maybe we can just buy lunches out and about. Cant wait!"

HeddaGarbled · 07/09/2021 07:23

I have asked what is best time to leave but it's like random replies 'shall we stop', 'shall we shop on the way' etc etc

Those aren’t random replies. They are part of the planning process. They require answers like “That’s a good idea, we could stop at ……..” and then you will move forwards towards a plan that everyone feels they have been consulted on, rather than one person deciding.

gunnersgold · 07/09/2021 07:23

Just organise yourself and tell them you are going at such and such time and are taking such and such . It will give you the control back . They can go with or join your later ! I presume it's a mini break so you don't have to go together .. if they want a lift they will have to go with you ! ( or get thr train later )

MiddleClassProblem · 07/09/2021 07:23

I have anxiety but I’m your situation, especially as the driver, I would have figured out the route and drive time already so have an idea I’m my head of what time to leave. Now knowing they may want to stop at a supermarket, I’d look for ones near the final destination and either book a click and collect or plan to stop there en route or pop there after dropping stuff off at accommodation depending on where it was and the option best for me.

I’d then put that to the group.

Original poster
TomAllenWife · 07/09/2021 07:24

Only one person knows where the accommodation is.
All I know is we can't get in until late afternoon.
I have no idea what supermarkets are en route
I only have a rough idea that it's about a 2 hour drive

OP posts:
Jemand · 07/09/2021 07:26

If you're driving, I'd have thought you're in a position to lay down the law. You can say, e.g., "The journey is two hours, I will need a short break, we need to be there by noon so we're leaving at 9.30." You'd probably find the others are quite glad that you've made the decision.

Pinklioness · 07/09/2021 07:28

Say what time you want to leave. Ask the person who's organising it for the location and say, I'm happy to cater for x meal, could everyone else organise for other mealtimes. Job done.

toomuchlaundry · 07/09/2021 07:28

Ask the person to send a link to the accommodation

JudgeRindersMinder · 07/09/2021 07:28

@TomAllenWife

Only one person knows where the accommodation is. All I know is we can't get in until late afternoon. I have no idea what supermarkets are en route I only have a rough idea that it's about a 2 hour drive
Is there something stopping you from saying “friend who knows, can you please tell me where we’re going so I can plan my route”?

I also need to know plans in advance, but because I’m a control freak, so just address that person specifically and ASK

ghostyslovesheets · 07/09/2021 07:29

Blimey maybe ask then? I am driving I’d like to know where so I can ensure I have enough petrol? Not sure why you can just ask and as the driver decide the timing etc

IfIHadAHeart · 07/09/2021 07:30

@TomAllenWife

Only one person knows where the accommodation is. All I know is we can't get in until late afternoon. I have no idea what supermarkets are en route I only have a rough idea that it's about a 2 hour drive
So basically you are no more organised than them? These are all things you could find out for yourself but instead of just doing it, you are whinging that no one else has!!!
trumpisagit · 07/09/2021 07:31

Ask for the postcode of the accommodation. Look it up this evening and suggest a leaving time.
Then your group needs to discuss meal planning and shopping.
Shopping on the way might work well as you can buy fresh food and if everyone is working all week it will be more convenient.

rookiemere · 07/09/2021 07:33

So the questions about the route are to decide if you want to leave in the morning, visit somewhere and have lunch before going to your accommodation, or go straight there.
Presumably you know roughly where the accommodation is.
It's natural to have discussion about these things, it's also natural to have an organiser who tells everyone what to do ( that would be me Grin).
Your issue is you want someone else to be Mum but you need the comfort of knowing what's happening when. Like others have said ask for the address and then from there come back with a plan.

Booknooks · 07/09/2021 07:33

I also have anxiety and empathise that not knowing is stressful, but you can be more proactive. Instead of asking vague questions as I'd have already looked at the route a million times and looked into what was on route and what the many options were re food and balanced them, I'd say I've looked and think if we leave at x, we could do y- everyone okay with with or any other ideas?

MiddleClassProblem · 07/09/2021 07:35

You need to be a bit more proactive and I’m surprised as an anxiety suffer you don’t already do this. Genuinely a much needed skill to help you cope. Just ask:

“Hi, please can I have the postcode so I can figure out a route for Friday?”

MadeOfStarStuff · 07/09/2021 07:36

As others have said, take the lead and suggest a plan. People will most likely agree or if not they’re suggest a different option.

I sympathise as I’m the same, i need to have a plan. But as you’re the one stressing out you need to take responsibility for that.

PeanuttyButter · 07/09/2021 07:37

I think you are way overthinking this. Plus it's only Tuesday.
Once you know where the place is just say I'm doing xyz..

Monty27 · 07/09/2021 07:38

I'm totally with you OP.
In an ideal world you get ready and if they're not ready leave without them.
I did say ideal world. Take control. You're driving your rules 😃

PersonaNonGarter · 07/09/2021 07:40

OP, try to relax into it and challenge yourself a bit on what you worried about.

Are you concerned that you will be left without food and shelter? I mean, that’s not the worst thing that could happen anyway. Ginsters and sleep in the car. And so on.

nellyburt · 07/09/2021 07:41

In the nicest possible way you are going to spoil the trip. Set a time you are going to set off and if it changes is it really the end of the world?

YellowandGreenToBeSeen · 07/09/2021 07:41

@TomAllenWife

Only one person knows where the accommodation is. All I know is we can't get in until late afternoon. I have no idea what supermarkets are en route I only have a rough idea that it's about a 2 hour drive
Do you have an idea of the town / actual location? If so, route plan it and Google supermarkets on that route. Do a click and collect or shop en route.

Tell people what time you are setting off and you’ll collect at x time / to be at yours by y time.

sandgrown · 07/09/2021 07:41

Well accommodation not usually available until at least 3pm. Are people going after work or as soon as they can as that will affect the time you leave? Nothing to stop you arriving before the others with your passengers . Could you suggest a meal for the first night and everyone takes a bit . Or maybe one group do breakfasts another do dinner another do snacks and lunches. My group of friends are always last minute! Hope it works itself out . Don’t cancel.

NerrSnerr · 07/09/2021 07:42

Just ask them where the accommodation is. I'd expect the person who is driving to say what time they're picking me up. I would either all do the shopping together or just tell everyone that you're bringing x, y and z and tell them to bring the other stuff.

NotQuiteUsual · 07/09/2021 07:44

I couldn't cope with that uncertainty either! It takes the whole joy away for an anxious lady like me.

Which is why I only go away with other anxious people. So much less stress. A lot more planning and working around what people can't cope with. But that is a lot more fun for me.

hopeishere · 07/09/2021 07:44

Just say "I'm aiming to get there at five so will leave at xx. Can A send us the directions" (surely you've seen the planned accommodation or can you look it up).

I like a plan too but I take the lead and make the plans.