AIBU to hate being called spoilt?

[Magiconthemike]

Disclaimer: I’m aware this post is going to be laden with irony.

So, first up, I’m an only child. Obviously when getting to know new people, the topic of siblings come up. Without fail, whenever people hear I’m an only child they say “so you’re spoilt?” Is it just me that thinks that’s kind of rude to assume that about someone you’ve just met? I don’t meet eldest children and say “so you’re domineering?”

I’m happy to go along with the joke for a bit but people really go on about it at times, to the point where I feel really awkward and put on the spot.

I’m also not your typical definition of spoilt - I hardly know my father as he was never particularly interested in me and when he was interested in me, it was usually to verbally abuse me. But I’m not exactly going to explain that to a stranger while they’re calling me Verucca Salt.

So I guess I have 2 questions:

1. Do other only children get this and find it irritating?

And 2. Do people with siblings find people/virtual strangers make assumptions about them based on their birth order?

I have literally never thought this or said it to anyone who told me they were an only child.

Who asks you that?! How do you not just reply with "So you're rude."

I'm the youngest of 5 and even now at 52 years old, when people find out, they'll say something along the lines of "Ahh so you're the spoilt baby of the family?"

It just makes me smile and nod really, even though we were all far from spoilt.

People just tend to trot out Clichés when making conversation.

Weird.

@TheHouseILiveIn

Weird.

Them, not you!

I'd never say that, my dad was an only child, he is far from being spoilt, he was very much loved and cherished but definitely not spoilt.

@WorraLiberty I figured the babies of the family probably get something similar. For the record, I do smile and nod the first time they say it, and the second time if they add “I bet you hate it when you don’t get your own way”. It’s when we’ve been talking about it for more than 2 minutes that it starts to grate a bit.

@WheelieBinPrincess you are a better person than most, I assure you.

@TimeForTeaAndG I’m glad I’m not the only person that thinks it’s a bit rude!

It's rude and weird, you must find new people to hang around with!

I can't think I've ever had a conversation with someone I've just met about whether they have siblings or not.
Friends I know have siblings it's because the siblings have come in conversations. Like going to visit my sister, or my brothers dc are starting school. Natural conversation.
And I don't know generally if they're the oldest, youngest or middle.

If it's coming up regularly are you bringing the subject up?

@MargaretThursday I guess I bring it up sometimes but not like “what’s your birth order in the family?” More like “oh, so you have a sister. Do you have any other siblings?” I bring it up to make conversation along with other questions like “whereabouts are you from?”

I’m on dating apps so I probably have more of these conversations than most.

I don’t have these conversations all the time but, when I do have them, I feel like people often come back with the spoilt thing.

I will say, I do have what many would call a “big personality”, however, I come from an extended family of big personalities and so that’s not an only child thing, it’s just the way we are.

People assume all sorts of shit based on stereotypes and trot it out as something to say.

On all sorts of stuff from super sensitive to seemingly trivial but I'm not surprised it pisses you off. What the hell is anyone even supposed to answer?

Yes! I am spoilt! Totally!
Erm I don't think I'm spoilt um...
Nope I grew up in abject poverty actually.

I mean it's a thought free stupid thing to say.

I'm sure others can give examples (tall short big boobs accent Asian etc etc etc as long as your arm).

I had long light blonde hair and often got
From men- do your collars match your cuffs? (About 13 first time a random asked me that on the street).
And I know it sounds arsey but all the having a blonde moment stuff when I was standing there pissed me off!

In the end there's nothing you can do unless you want to be sarcy and make a point!

Eg.
No I don't think so. Are you?
No actually we didn't have an indoor toilet until I was 15
Spoilt? Dunno. Can you give me some examples of what you mean?

Or just say nothing unsmilingly with a look.
Or say No. Full stop. With a look.

I've not heard that so much with only children as weren't you lonely/ that's so weird type comments.

I'm not an only child but one of my best friends is and she feels the same way as you.

She thinks it's weird how people assume only children are spoiled when there are often sad circumstances as to why they don't have siblings. In her case, she had a sister who was severely disabled and died a few years ago. Another friend of ours was born to a very young single mother with addiction issues, unplanned, and had quite a difficult life being her mother's carer.

Pretty strange to assume someone has had it easy and are spoiled because they don't have siblings tbh!

I don't think got any brothers/ sisters is a strange thing to come up in certain circs. Usually when running out of convo! Or got onto life when young/ where grew up/ childhood etc.

People just tend to trot out Clichés when making conversation.

Yes - words form in their voice boxes and come out of their mouths without ever troubling their brain along the way.

It's like on the other (marvellous) thread about ridiculous questions, where people feel the need to ask something stupid/pointless/offensive whenever they're introduced to twins - the same (lack of) mindset as the dim character in Notting Hill who meets a disabled woman and feels the sudden need to exclaim "Oh, you're in a wheelchair!"

If it's any consolation, I'd assume it's a sign of their own very limited intelligence (as well as lack of filter) - when they don't have the ability to engage with who you are as an individual and build on that but just look for some exhausted old cliche based on an unimportant, incidental fact to trot out as a kneejerk reaction.

This kind of reminds me of a talkshow I saw ages ago but have never forgotten the ludicrousness of (I think it was Kilroy!), where the 'subject' of the discussion was a man who had been wrongfully and thoroughly disproveably defamed as a paedophile/sex offender, and he was talking about the nightmare that the extended ordeal had caused for his whole family until all charges were eventually thrown out of court and he was entirely exonerated - his accusers were sacked too, I think.

A woman in the audience was asked her opinion and she meekly said "Well, there must have been some truth in it, because there's no smoke without fire." Kilroy pressed her on why she asserted this and all she could say was "Well, that's what they always say, isn't it - that there's no smoke without fire."

Granted, much further reaching than accusations of being 'spoilt' (not that there's even consensus as to what that actually means), but an alarming number of people genuinely cannot tell the difference between cliches/stereotypes and actual fact.

Is there any particular reason people ask you this ? Do you have things (cars handbags etc) that make people ask?

I remember a time OP an (ex) good friend did something on purpose.

I have a little bro always got on really well with him.
She said god I can't imagine having a younger brother. Older fine but younger? I mean that's rubbish. You must feel like you've missed out. What even is the point.

If a woman has a nice car or handbag and you're the sort of person who notices and wonders.

The obvious question surely is what's your job?

Not are you an only child 🤣🤣🤣

@NiceGerbil you’ve raised my exact problem with it in that there is really nothing you can say in response. If I give them a look and say “no”, then that’s supposedly evidence of me being spoilt. I usually agree the first time it’s said but then it gets weird because I’m lying and kind of making out I had a better childhood than I actually did. I don’t know what the acceptable/expected response is!!

@Rozziie that’s very true. My mum would’ve loved more children but my father was abusive and so their marriage was falling apart by the time I was born. Quite surprised they bothered having me, to be honest. I can only assume I was an accident!

@Anordinarymum

Is there any particular reason people ask you this ? Do you have things (cars handbags etc) that make people ask?

If it's on dating apps it's probably a bit of a neg tbh.

Magic

Dating apps or from any man tbh it's a shitty thing to say. A man suggesting a woman is spoilt has definite undercurrents.

Mark them down as wankers.

I was thinking women for some reason. In which case prob wankers as well.

A lot of people do come out with this sort of stereotyping shite. It's boring. Often pisses people off.

Irl you could say hahaha good one! Yeah all that's so funny isn't it! I'm also poorly socialised hahaha. And then look at them blandly.

I would put money on my SFIL being the sort of person who would say that to you. But he is rude and odd at the best of times.

I’ve never heard him say it but he takes great joy in ripping into youngest children randomly.

Best to ignore and not take the bait with someone like him. He isn’t going to change and he thinks he is hilarious.

It's a passive aggressive power play really isn't it

A put down with no easy or even semi easy response.

@NiceGerbil I’ve definitely heard it for as long as I can remember, from women and men (so in non-dating contexts) but, now that I think about it, I do think men say it a lot more than women. And they push the point more, too.

I’ve always found it very off-putting when people say it but then tonight I began to wonder whether I’m the weird over-sensitive one and maybe this just happens to everyone. After reading these responses, I’m feeling like my old response was probably fine.

@Anordinarymum I honestly don’t know if there’s a particular reason! I love a bargain and worked in fashion previously so like to think I dress decently. I know some women have said to me before that they thought I would be a real clothes snob until they got to know me and realised where my clothes were actually from.

The reason I wondered if other only children get this is because I’m trying to figure out if I’m giving off a spoilt air or whether everyone gets this.

No I think they're just being arseholes.

Assuming you're a 'clothes snob' and telling you is also arsehole.