AIBU to hate being called spoilt?

[Magiconthemike]

Disclaimer: I’m aware this post is going to be laden with irony.

So, first up, I’m an only child. Obviously when getting to know new people, the topic of siblings come up. Without fail, whenever people hear I’m an only child they say “so you’re spoilt?” Is it just me that thinks that’s kind of rude to assume that about someone you’ve just met? I don’t meet eldest children and say “so you’re domineering?”

I’m happy to go along with the joke for a bit but people really go on about it at times, to the point where I feel really awkward and put on the spot.

I’m also not your typical definition of spoilt - I hardly know my father as he was never particularly interested in me and when he was interested in me, it was usually to verbally abuse me. But I’m not exactly going to explain that to a stranger while they’re calling me Verucca Salt.

So I guess I have 2 questions:

1. Do other only children get this and find it irritating?

And 2. Do people with siblings find people/virtual strangers make assumptions about them based on their birth order?

@WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll that Kilroy story probably shouldn’t have made me laugh but it did. I’m a very logic-driven person so I find it hard to get my head around people just saying stuff. I feel like there must be an underlying reason but I guess sometimes people just talk crap!

YANBU at all OP. My opinion is that people who say this sort of thing are hideous !!
I’m an only child and have had it used against me - by my mum mainly. - who’s also an only child!! It’s as if she’s trying to find things to deliberately insult me. Realistically, it is possible for only children to be disadvantaged in different ways - neglected etc as it is for those with siblings - only children also sometimes have to deal with difficult situations all alone - as do people with siblings no doubt - but at least people with siblings have a reference point in the family of someone of the same generation as them - only children don’t have this.

I once confronted my mother directly and said “look, one minute you say I’m spoilt-next minute you talk about me in pitying tones - implying I’m lonely etc - I said to her “come on then which one is it?” She looked very taken aback and didn’t like being put in the spot and sheepish mumbled a reply!!

Sheepishly *

I also think though OP that people from large families get snide remarks and this grinds my gears also

I'm the oldest of three. People assume that I'm organised, sensible and a bit bossy. I am all of the above.

I’m on dating apps so I probably have more of these conversations than most.

I don't think you can compare the crap people say on dating apps to normal, day to day conversations.

Most people would not say 'so you're spoilt' to someone who was an only child.

I'm an only and I have a nice car and 1 nice handbag, that doesn't make me spoiled, I bought them myself

@takehomepay I’ve heard it my whole life, said to my face. Just recently I have had more of these conversations because of the apps.

It sounds rather lazy. They're keen to make sweeping decisions about your personality, I'd be confronting them back about their lack of manners.

Perhaps it's a time-saving mechanism, OP. The first time someone calls you spoilt based on your family size rather than your behaviour then you know they're an idiot and rude or consciously trying to put you on the back foot and control you. If it is as straightforward as 'Do you have siblings?' 'I'm an only child' 'So you're spoilt' 'No but you're a fuckwit'. Time saved all around.

I’ve had it said to me that I must be spoiled or the favourite for being the youngest. Not the case at all. Also when people find out I have all sisters they take great delight in telling me what a disappointment I must’ve been. Or wondering how my ‘poor’ dad managed 🙄. It gets uncomfortable if I say my dad’s mood swings could put any teenage girl to shame.

People are mostly just filling space when they talk and not really thinking about what they say. Everyone says twatty stuff sometimes.

Obviously with men who are trying to date you it’s a red flag though.

As another poster pointed out, a lot of people really are empty vessels with absolutely nothing of value to say. They open their traps without thinking and spout out small talk and cliches. I was sitting next to a group of women in a cafe yesterday while trying to study for a test I had and it was honestly the most mind numbing, inane rambling drivel ever. Zero actual content, just a load of words.

"It's awful about Afghanistan, isn't it?"
"Oh yeah, terrible."
"So sad."
"Ooh they do oat milk here...have you ever had it?"
etc.

It sounds snobby and rude to say that but IMO it is true. Most people aren't intentionally being offensive, they're just afraid of silence and unable to engage with people on anything but the most superficial level so trot out cliches and stereotypes to have 'something to say'.

I’m an only child and I have never in my life had someone, on discovering that, ask me if I’m spoilt. I find it bizarre that it’s a constant question for you!

I think it is just people who are poor at making conversation feeling they need to say something. Yes over the years I have met more single children who are/were spoilt than children who had siblings, but the amount who were spoilt as single children were still in the minority.

So long as you do not come across as spoilt then it does not really matter.

Oh there’s a certain sort of person who will always make the most obvious comment every time because they’re lacking the intelligence to come up with anything else - “what’s the weather like up there” to a tall person for example. It’s also passive aggressive as someone else said…puts you in the position where you feel the need to defend yourself. I wouldn’t bother personally…it’s not you it’s them.

I'm one of four, my baby brother was definitely spoilt! but he was the youngest by years and spoilt by all of us but he doesn't act spoilt now.

I know a few only children, some of them are incredibly spoilt and some of them aren't and are the most down to earth lovely unspoilt people.

It's a sweeping statement, rude and not very accurate

People make assumptions about all sorts of things, best to ignore them

One of the first things my dp’s dad said when told of my existence is that I was likely to be ‘difficult’ because I was a middle child.

He loves me now though!

I hate the expression. Spoilt means damaged and not fit for purpose. To label a child the same is wrong.

I have on DC who is an adult now. Yes he had my full attention growing up, but I didn’t indulge him any more than any other child in his peer group. He has grown up into a charming, generous and successful adult.

Ignore anyone who labels you in such a lazy and frankly hurtful way.

They are just rude I'm afraid.
If never say this to anyone.

I'm an only child, as is DH.

No one has ever, ever said that to either of us.

@SprayedWithDettol

I hate the expression. Spoilt means damaged and not fit for purpose. To label a child the same is wrong.

I have on DC who is an adult now. Yes he had my full attention growing up, but I didn’t indulge him any more than any other child in his peer group. He has grown up into a charming, generous and successful adult.

Ignore anyone who labels you in such a lazy and frankly hurtful way.

I think you are being far too emotional about it all, everyone knows what is meant by a spoiled/spoilt child and I doubt many people would find it "hurtful". Yes it is a lazy comment by someone who is not good at small talk, no it is not a slight on someone's entire existence.

I'd go straight back with "So which stereotype are you then? Bossy eldest child, invisible middle child or babied youngest child?" They will most likely come back with "I'm not a stereotype" and you can say "But you assume that I am?".

I'm an only child and no one has ever asked me that or even remarked on the fact I'm an only child. I'd find it a bit weird if they did as it's totally unremarkable.