AIBU to hate being called spoilt?

[Magiconthemike]

Disclaimer: I’m aware this post is going to be laden with irony.

So, first up, I’m an only child. Obviously when getting to know new people, the topic of siblings come up. Without fail, whenever people hear I’m an only child they say “so you’re spoilt?” Is it just me that thinks that’s kind of rude to assume that about someone you’ve just met? I don’t meet eldest children and say “so you’re domineering?”

I’m happy to go along with the joke for a bit but people really go on about it at times, to the point where I feel really awkward and put on the spot.

I’m also not your typical definition of spoilt - I hardly know my father as he was never particularly interested in me and when he was interested in me, it was usually to verbally abuse me. But I’m not exactly going to explain that to a stranger while they’re calling me Verucca Salt.

So I guess I have 2 questions:

1. Do other only children get this and find it irritating?

And 2. Do people with siblings find people/virtual strangers make assumptions about them based on their birth order?

I am the youngest and oh so fed up with the spoilt comment. However I've learned to judge how to respond. If it's done in a friendly, need something to say, lighthearted manner then I respond with either a "absolutely" or a "as the smallest I had to learn to stand up for myself, that's for sure".

If the comment was made with an edge, having a dig type of thing, response would be a slight puzzled frown, "why would that be?" And just wait for them to dig themselves into a deeper hole and respond accordingly. And also with "oh and where did you fall in your family?" And then with a "oh, so you're the....." (whatever obnoxious stereotype fits them).

It can be annoying, but sometimes you have to let it roll off like water off a duck's back. But if you find it that annoying I think you should either look for other conversation topics instead of about siblings, or use it as a handy litmus test, weed out the idiots faster!

I have never said spoiled without saying brat I.e. spoilt brat. And it's never a question but an accusation. And I have no idea if the children I've said it to were only children as I'd never asked

So “so you’re spoilt?” is a highly improbable question to me.

But yeah I'd walk away... some people are not worth knowing.

I often get this too as an only, but most of the time it really is just people word vomiting for the sake of something to say. If anything, I overcompensate for supposedly being a ‘spoilt only’! I’d hear it a lot growing up, so assumed I must be spoilt but in retrospect now I really was not.
I think for some people they wish they’d stopped at one (but would never admit it) or they’ve never met many onlies or they assume your parents buy you a house etc and they get jealous.
After the spoilt comments, I’m also shocked at people who ask “why are you an only child”- clearly this could get awkward!
Now that I have more than one child myself, I’ve even had people say “so did you hate being an only, is that why you had more kids”!!

It's not 'spoilt brat' it's 'spoilt rotten'. So an excess of parental attention and material things, rather than a behaviour.

I am an only child and many times has it been assumed I am spoilt. I just say no as I was orphaned by age 40 so that usually shuts them up.

A few cheeky sods then ask about any inheritance...

I just say no as I was orphaned by age 40 so that usually shuts them up.

I think orphan tends to apply to children, not 40 year olds!

I meet many people is all sorts of settings. I can’t think of a time where how many siblings I have has ever come up conversationally.

I'm an only child and I don't remember anyone ever saying that to me. Maybe other kids did when I was at school (too long ago to remember) but certainly not since then.

@lottiegarbanzo
I'll do my best to twist my tongue to say "spoilt rotten brat" (the brat is important to me) but I think it won't stick

They're two different concepts though, that's my point.

You've met some weird people.

@NiceGerbil

It's a passive aggressive power play really isn't it

A put down with no easy or even semi easy response.

Spot on with that observation.

I'm the only daughter among several brothers, and male cousins too, so I get comments about being spoilt occasionally.
I just ignore it, being such a brat and all.

@TimeForTeaAndG

Who asks you that?! How do you not just reply with "So you're rude."

Absolutely perfect response.

I am an only and no one has ever said this to me!

People like to trot out clichés when they don't know what else to say.

Saying that, the only "only child" I was "friendly" with growing up, was actually a manipulative and spiteful cow! So...

It’s rude. People r just so cheeky. I’m
Due at end of the year n pregnancy has been horrendous I’ve said I can’t do it again and soo many ppl have said to me oh u can’t do that then he will be spoilt/selfish ! I think Ul find ppl be that way regardless of family set ups.

I always bristle when I hear someone using the term "middle child syndrome".

Could you adopt an imperious voice and say 'yahs, one is used to a certain level of respect and servitude. Bring me more wine, peasant!'?

In answer to your question, I'm the eldest of two and don't generally find people bringing it up in an annoying way.

@MrsSugar

It’s rude. People r just so cheeky. I’m Due at end of the year n pregnancy has been horrendous I’ve said I can’t do it again and soo many ppl have said to me oh u can’t do that then he will be spoilt/selfish ! I think Ul find ppl be that way regardless of family set ups.

Stop telling people.

@Blanketpolicy I felt there was a good chance I was being oversensitive, which is why I thought I’d canvass opinions. I’d say most people who bring up the spoilt thing move on quickly but there have been a few times when I feel people that I’ve just met have gone on and on about it, even when I’ve tried to switch topics. At that point I start thinking “are they being rude or can I not take a joke?”

I’m not crying about it or anything but it does make me feel awkward (because I don’t know what to say past a certain point) and less inclined to continue a conversation with someone.

@Hardbackwriter this thread has definitely made me wonder if any adult man has ever heard this. Maybe that’s my new comeback: would you say that to a man?

@FinallyHere I do think birth order and obviously family circumstances impact people and that is really interesting. I think it’s the phrasing, though. Saying “did you get spoiled as a child?” is a bit abrupt but it’s better than “so you’re spoilt?” which kind of implies I was permanently damaged as a child (I mean, I was, but not by being spoilt ).

I think in this day and age joking about people's personal situations should just not be a thing. Why should people have to tolerate insensitive, potentially hurtful, thoughtless comments because of someone's 'joke'? Like my friend who's only an only child because her sister died...why should she be put in the awkward position of having to remember that and get sad every time someone goes 'oh you must be spoiled hur hur hur'?

I'm an only child. I get called spoilt, and also told I'm unable to share. Neither are true!

Wow, I'd never dream of saying such a thing to an only child. What an assumption to make.

@BeckyWithTheGoodHair5629456

I'm an only child. I get called spoilt, and also told I'm unable to share. Neither are true!

If you're an adult and still being told this; they must be seeing something you're not