AIBU to hate being called spoilt?

[Magiconthemike]

Disclaimer: I’m aware this post is going to be laden with irony.

So, first up, I’m an only child. Obviously when getting to know new people, the topic of siblings come up. Without fail, whenever people hear I’m an only child they say “so you’re spoilt?” Is it just me that thinks that’s kind of rude to assume that about someone you’ve just met? I don’t meet eldest children and say “so you’re domineering?”

I’m happy to go along with the joke for a bit but people really go on about it at times, to the point where I feel really awkward and put on the spot.

I’m also not your typical definition of spoilt - I hardly know my father as he was never particularly interested in me and when he was interested in me, it was usually to verbally abuse me. But I’m not exactly going to explain that to a stranger while they’re calling me Verucca Salt.

So I guess I have 2 questions:

1. Do other only children get this and find it irritating?

And 2. Do people with siblings find people/virtual strangers make assumptions about them based on their birth order?

I hate these assumptions (I'm an only child and have an only child). My DH will occasionally jokingly call me spoilt and it pisses me off.

Yes, I will admit I've benefited financially from being an only child (as has he by association) but I definitely don't think I'm spoilt. My mother went almost too far the other way in being determined to keep me 'grounded' to the point that I had very low self esteem growing up.

I don't own designer gear or flash cars and I actually would go out of my way to put others first (DH gets pissed off when I can't make a decision about a takeaway because I want him to have what he wants).

I would never comment on someone having lots of siblings (oh did your parents not have a tv) and wouldn't expect someone to comment on my life.

@GreyhoundG1rl wow, that's a hell of an assumption but thanks for your input...

Literally every adult or child I know who displays classic 'spoilt' characteristics has siblings. You're not wrong OP.

@PostingForTheFirstTime

I always bristle when I hear someone using the term "middle child syndrome".

My DH is a middle child of 3. He was neither the first-born son and heir, nor the precious youngest baby girl. As such, he didn't really get all that much attention for his entire childhood, and was left to get on with it. Has it permanently affected his self-esteem? Yes I think it has.

Do you only meet very odd people? I've never said this or thought this upon finding out anyone is an only child in my whole life.

Well we don't only meet you.

Unfortunate for your husband, bamboocat, but I know plenty of three child families where the middle one is just as valued as the other two. He just had unthinking (or crap), parents. Would you not love your 'middle child' if you had three? I know I would.

I've also known a couple who actively enjoyed it; they used to say, humorously, that according to their needs and mood, they could align themselves with the eldest or to the youngest which was useful.

@Plumtree391

Unfortunate for your husband, bamboocat, but I know plenty of three child families where the middle one is just as valued as the other two. He just had unthinking (or crap), parents. Would you not love your 'middle child' if you had three? I know I would.

I've also known a couple who actively enjoyed it; they used to say, humorously, that according to their needs and mood, they could align themselves with the eldest or to the youngest which was useful.

It's not necessarily to do with being valued.

I knew I was valued.

But there are times when you get "can the older two do the washing up"... "now the little two need to go to bed"
My dm was also middle, so she watched put for that happening, but there were things that were just simply because you were middle.

Life things like leaving primary school... Big issue for the first, new adventure. For the last, it's end of an era. As Middle, we'll it isn't as excitingly new and it isn't a sad end.

Clothes and things like bikes rarely got new because always passed down... And then also had things passed down before I'd finished.
#3 did get more new because after two children things were sometimes not going to last the third.

It's often practicalities that as an adult we know we're sensible, but doesn't stop the hurt felt at the time.

I get the assumption that I was lonely and I've missed out on something. You can touch lucky with a sibling, have lots in common and give each other space, but ime it's 50/50 and lots don't get on.