to be upset about being snubbed by mother because DD doesn't want to invite her to birthday party

[sarahtwobratz]

DD1 is 7 on Saturday, and has decided to have small party for eight friends. She doesn't want to invite one friend because she can be bossy and a bit of a bully. DD1 went to other child's party last week, but is adamant didn't want to invite her. Since then her mother has avoided me in school playground, and where she would normally offer to take DD to Spanish class tonight, she has said nothing. i take her DD to drama club on a Friday, so it's an arrangement which usually works well. Some one has said she is upset her DD is being left out, but should I have invited her regardless of DD's wishes?

Oh Iheartdusty
Amazing how one remembers things like that. And from such a long time ago (not saying that you're old ).

Oh good Sarah.

FWIW there was a boy in my DS's class who was a nightmare in Reception and Yr 1 and he basically bullied DS into playing with him at times and we had one incident in Yr 1 where I was so angry with him I went to the teacher and said sort it or else (I was much more polite and conciliatory in RL but that was the jist of it). Parents were called in, child was punished. However I know the Mum quite well - she is chair of PTA which I am also on and I really like her so it was awkward. A lot of parents had issues with this boy but no-one ostracised him. He was still invited to parties (admittedly it was still at invite to whole class stage) and play dates.

His mother was really heartbroken about the whole scenario but thanked everyone who still invited her DS over. And you know what? He came out of that phase. Is now back to the nice, slightly boisterous boy I remember from nursery.

The girl in question in you scenario doesn't need ostracising. She needs everyone on side to help her change her behaviour. The school are obv on to it. But I would imagine that one of the strongest influences on her will be her peers. Her mother (although poss scary in her own right) is prob struggling with that fact that she has been called to the school and she knows people are talking about her DD and now her DD was not invited to a party, and not just any party but a party of someone who came to HER party and knows her DD quite well.

So (sorry for waffle!) you have done a good thing. You are teaching your DD a nice lesson. And you are enabling this girl to learn the right behaviours. Having her over to yours to play with your DD and teaching her gently that bossing isn't good will help her and her Mum. With our situation I used to regularly ask this boy's Mum how things were going with his behaviour. Because on the whole he was a nice boy. It was just his reactions and behaviours were wrong.

And I like your new name too.

wow - that is great Sarah.

Sorry if I got strong before but this is a subject close to mine and I see many other's hearts. I was the excluded child and it felt bloody awful.
Well done you anyway.

Good for you sarah! You won't regret it.

yay ! that is great! well done you

I don't think you are being at all unreasonable to respect your daughter's wishes. From Richmal Crompton on (and probably before that) books for children have mined the unleasantness of being forced to invite unwelcome guests to parties. Ask this other child and you may well turn a temporary rift - I wonder if something happened at the other girl's party? - into a long-lasting feud.

Would you feel obliged to invite another mother whom you disliked to your birthday party because your daughters got on well?

I think the advice about speaking to the other mother is spot on. Tell her you're a bit embarassed about the whole situation, and that you hope the two girls can do something together once whatever-it-is they've quarrelled about has blown over. Make clear that you're still happy to take her daughter to activities. She sounds a bit petulant and bratty, but give her a chance.

havent read all of ;post but i'm quite torn with this one as you respect daughters wishes by not allowing lil girl to come to party although they are friends

if they are not friends why do you and this other mother share responsibility of driving yours and her daughter to classes if they are not friends

they obviously get along and at this age girls fall out all the time i would invite her or stop running the girls around together as they obviously get on while you are doing this

i can understand why the other mother feels upset put your daughter in the same position goes classes with other girl liked her enough to go to her party likes her enough to go classes with her but not enough to go to party

i would invite the other little girl and set an example they dont have to play together but they seeem to like each other enough to have both your mother and hers drive to classes this is unfair on her mum and little girl if this is just done from convenience

at this age i think you should tell your daughter its only fair as she went to her party and that although they have'nt been best of friends just lately its the nice thing to do and she would be a very nice girl for doing it

it would hurt me to know my ds was being snubbed if i ran his friend about and they were friends

as i say havent read all of thread but from what i did you should allow this little girl to come i dont know one little girl that isnt bossy at times i was the worst lol

lol well y advise was heard without being read lol well done thats really nice of you xx