To feel sad that all other kids were given something by visiting relatives apart from my son?

[mummabubs]

I will completely own that I am delightfully hormonal following a recent birth and there is also a little bit of a backstory with me feeling like my firstborn is treated differently by other members of my DH's family compared to the other grandchildren already, which I guess is relevant to this. But big girl pants on, I am more than happy to be told I'm being unreasonable!

This is all beautifully outing, but I don't have the energy to try and change details... DH's aunt and uncle visited us at my in-laws' house over the weekend, we haven't seen them for about 2 years now due to COVID and their visits being an annual thing anyway. DSIL, BIL and our two nieces were there too. (Hope that all makes sense!) We have a 4 year old DS and a 15 week old DD. DH aunt is renowned for being 'blunt' as she puts it, and in usual form breezes into the room, coos over our DD saying how beautiful she is and follows this up with "I really like girls, but I can't stand boys, never have". She then says how she likes babies but doesn't like children. Arguably quite tactless, but I politely laughed this off and told my DS to cover his ears. They brought out a lovely gift for our DD which is very kind of them and we genuinely appreciated it and thanked them. Then goodie bags come out for my two nieces who are 4 and 7, nothing big but a token something for them both. The conversation then moves on and it becomes really clear that there is nothing for my 4 year old son. To be clear, the gift for DD was an item of baby clothing so definitely not something that could have been a joint gift for her and DS.

To be honest I didn't expect a gift for DD at all and it was very kind of them, but I was left feeling really quite sad later that my DS had been left out given his cousins were then given something too. Equality amongst the children is important to me (which is where the backstory of me already feeling like he's not shown as much interest as the girls is relevant). DH aunt has always been open about being blunt in what she says and does and attributes this to her cultural upbringing, although my feelings on this are that her brothers (so my FiL included) are not like this at all and if I'm honest I think it's just rude. I'm feeling brave, AIBU to be feeling sensitive about the situation or was it likely a complete oversight on their part and I'm just looking for ways to validate my feelings of him being treated differently?

Thanks all.

Just wanted to say thank you for all the replies, it's validating to have others say they'd have felt similarly. We're only likely to see them once a year or so going forward and I'll think of a way to politely acknowledge / challenge any future insults directed at my child. To give a flavour of what her husband is like- when me and DH had been together for 2 years he accidentally called me DH's ex's name at the dinner table. Cue awkward silence which he chose to fill with "well they all look the same anyway". Presumably meaning my DH's previous girlfriends!? 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think that was when I decided these weren't my type of people. 🤣

Op I think the next time these people are in town, I'd be out of town or having a washing the family hair day.

If you happen to have an occasion they can't be avoided remember the MN line "did you mean to be so rude". Throw their rudeness back at them and be ready for them.

I can sort of relate here. I defo agree cousins should be treated equally by grandparents and relatives. I am already mentally prepared for cutting out my DH family in future as they already treat our son very differently to their other grandchild. Dynamics are strange and my DH has grown up feeling left out, not loved and bottom of the priority life. We are tolerating alot now because I am trying to give his family a chance but I have seen things already starting with the difference in how they treat them e.g couldn't possibly spend Xmas away from the other grandchild yet not fussed about ours. Spend more time with other grandchild and drive to their house but it's been nearly a year since they drove to our house. They only see their grandson if we bring him to them or to SIL house when they are visiting other grandchild. But like OP it is so hard to know if your being over sensitive and almost in shock sometimes at what I hear/see. But defo consider how your son will feel in future and maybe refuse to go those events. Its no loss in your life if you only see them once a year anyways.

There’s SFA cultural about her, she’s rude.

Very odd behaviour.
I was going to say why can't the uncle buy a gift, is he not a functioning adult? But then I've seen the op's update and he is rude too.
I 'd avoid them like the plague to be honest.