To say being late all the time isn't a trait you are just rude

[username4s]

AIBU to thinks it's not funny. it's plain rude and shows a lack of respect for the other person?

I often see/hear about people who are always late and it's as if it's just a funny trait of theirs. I don't agree it's shows a lack of care for other peoples time. Are these same people always late for work/school runs/other important commitments or do they suddenly manage to organise themselves and be on time.

@FightingtheFoo

Hard agree OP. It's because they value their time over yours. It's just disrespectful. If they had a meeting with someone who could offer them a great job I'm sure they would manage to be on time.

I agree. I bet they turn up to the airport on time, too.

I agree op. Repeat offenders are so arrogant.

@FortunesFave

ADHD is far more common than you think. This is a common cause for lateness. YABU.

I have ADHD but I would never use it as an excuse for lateness, or for any other personal fault.

I make an effort to be on time because it's socially really very important. It's not effortless for me but I do it because it matters.

I'm not often late, but I'm hardly ever early. Usually bound in sweaty and red-faced just in time. I'm almost always rushing and getting stressed. I don't know what it is! I always know exactly when I need to leave, it's just that I think I can somehow squeeeeeeze just a couple more tasks into those final crucial minutes. And some things, like work or travel, I dread so much I can't bear the thought of being early for them. More time to get stressed.

It drives my DH crazy. And there's really no excuse unless you have some neurological condition. My mother always ran late when I was growing up and I hated it.

I like being on time and am usually organised enough to get to appointments at the right time or if running late I will phone or send a message. I have a friend who is always running late but she usually will send a message. Some people are just disorganised but I do not necessarily think they are selfish or disrespectful. Sometimes they do not even think how it looks to the person hanging around waiting for them.

And people might concentrate on nothing else other than an event for 3 days, to the detriment of eating and sleeping etc in an anxious state just preparing for a time and getting to a place.

And yes to this! On occasions where I've got a job interview or hospital appointment etc, I will be awake (naturally, not because of the alarm) at something daft like 4am. And I get ready and arrive at the place well over an hour ahead of time. It's the only way I can make sure I'm not late and it's so bloody stressful. I worry about it for days beforehand.

@icedpurple

As you asked

"Around 3-6 in every 100 school-aged children have ADHD5. For about 1 in 7 children with ADHD, their ADHD will continue into adulthood. About half will have some problems as adults, although not full ADHD6.

In children, boys are more commonly diagnosed than girls, where as in adults, there are more equal numbers of men and women seen in clinics.

And that doesnt include other conditions such as dyspraxia, dyslexia and autism that have issues with autism.

"However it is estimated that around one in seven people (more than 15 per cent of people in the UK) are neurodivergent, meaning that the brain functions, learns and processes information differently."

Sources:
www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders/adhd-in-adults

www.local.gov.uk/lga-libdem-group/our-press-releases/neurodiversity

As someone with ADHD, I have to plan to leave an hour earlier than a neurotypical person or else I will be late

That's the point though, Stroopwaffle; you know you have a few difficulties in this area, so you've put things in place to compensate, which is surely what anyone with sense would do rather than put all the inconvenience on others

Yes, things happen and we're all late sometimes, but all the time just isn't on. Personally I deal with it by waiting 10 minutes then leaving, and funnily enough the few who insist they "can't keep to time" suddenly find they can after all

I was always late for work when DS was little. The nursery opened at 8.30, I was back in the car at 8.35, drove to work for 8.56 and had a mad 4 minute rush to throw my coat and bag in the locker and be at my desk by 9am. Employer wasn’t flexible and neither was nursery, so if there was traffic or I was delayed by even a minute then I would be late and it was just tough. There were lots of complaints about me being late, from people with no kids who moaned that I was always running into the building at the last minute.

@Buffoonborisisatwat

What about those annoying people who are consistently EARLY! Say you agree to meet them at say 1 o'clock and they arrive at 1230 and make you feel guilty for keeping them waiting. How bloody rude is that?

That is very easy.

You organise it so that you meet at the event or place of the night out.

Problem solved.

Of course it doesn't solve the problem of you still turning up late.

I have similarly had a friend who was also a colleague who was continually late. We worked in a high stress environment and waiting for her to arrive at a meeting she had called was just infuriating.
It’s interesting to hear that neuro-diversity can affect time perceptions to this degree.
If my friend felt that was the issue, she could have explained that to me, and we would had talked about it. If it affects work, then it’s something that may require an accommodation.
But just continually being late without addressing the reason is a massive FU to the rest of us. And it’s not in the slightest bit cute.

@beastlyslumber

it seems a bit daft to be angry that it's because they don't value your time, or because they have no respect for you etc when people are telling you that's simply not the case.

Actions speak louder than words. The act of being late is disrespectful and rude.

That's your perception but not necessarily the reality. It's up to you if you view it that way but it seems fairly pointless.

I know a few people like this and I can't get wound up. The ones I know will be late I just compensate for. I don't mind waiting 15 minutes and if its a certain person I'll bring a book and just order myself food before they get there 😋

I'm sure there's things about me people find annoying. I actually find it really difficult to organise myself so I'll get to places sometimes an hour early and amuse myself for a bit!

I have friends who are always late and they don't have any neurodiversity issues whatsoever, they will confidently declare that they just planned to be late. I started being late as well and even now I often get there an hour or more after we agreed and am still the first one there.

I’m often late. It’s not about being rude, it’s because I hate being early and/or hanging around or waiting for people because I feel self conscious , awkward etc. Sometime I arrive early but won’t make an appearance until I feel the. situation is secure. Eg friends meeting a a pub, no way would I would be the first one there.

A colleague is habitually late. Last week she was hauled over the coals for it. When she came out she said 'that's so unfair, the traffic is always terrible, it literally doesn't make any difference whatever time I leave home.' Just bonkers. If you work backwards from the time you're expected, for anything, but are still always late, add another half hour for contingencies.

@AntiSocialDistancer

No.

[quote AntiSocialDistancer]@icedpurple

As you asked

"Around 3-6 in every 100 school-aged children have ADHD5. For about 1 in 7 children with ADHD, their ADHD will continue into adulthood. About half will have some problems as adults, although not full ADHD6.

In children, boys are more commonly diagnosed than girls, where as in adults, there are more equal numbers of men and women seen in clinics.

And that doesnt include other conditions such as dyspraxia, dyslexia and autism that have issues with autism.

"However it is estimated that around one in seven people (more than 15 per cent of people in the UK) are neurodivergent, meaning that the brain functions, learns and processes information differently."

Sources:
www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-health/problems-disorders/adhd-in-adults

www.local.gov.uk/lga-libdem-group/our-press-releases/neurodiversity[/quote]
That's not what I asked though.

I asked what evidence you have that people are persistently late for social events due to ADHD. What you've cut and pasted doesn't support your claims.

Completely agree OP. It’s rude.

I've got ADHD and I have struggled with being late my entire life. To absolutely everything, school, work, meetinsg etc. I HATE myself for it. Beat myself up about it all the time which in turn makes me feel so anxious I can be sick.

I do all the tricks and tips people suggest but it often just doesn't work out. These days it's a bit better, only 5 minutes late 99% of the time.

If I have to be at work for 8:30am I will get everything prepared the night before (clothes, bag packed etc.) and I'll get up at 5am to get ready. That's 3 hours to get ready and then 30 minutes for a 10 minute journey. Sometimes even doing that I'll still manage to be late because I'll get distracted by something and time just slips away from me.

IWantT0BreakFree

That's your perception but not necessarily the reality. It's up to you if you view it that way but it seems fairly pointless.

Surely that would depend on how long they kept you waiting?

I have friends that turn up a couple of minutes late and that is fine.
I had other friends who would turn up over an hour late, no apology just breezed in as though they were on time.

Some people are just disorganised but I do not necessarily think they are selfish or disrespectful. Sometimes they do not even think how it looks to the person hanging around waiting for them

Isn't not thinking (or caring) how someone else is affected the very definition of selfishness and disrespect?

Like most of us, I know several who insist their ADHD is responsible for this, but not one of them's ever missed anything they really want to do, or lost a job due to lateness. TBF one of them was threatened with a disciplinary, and hey presto - that thing she "just couldn't do" became possible after all

Those with ADHD who are able to time manage 🙏 please can you stop advocating that how you experience your ADHD and how you create work-arounds is how everyone else experiences it?

What might be easier for you, might be more difficult for someone else. And your praising yourself just lessens understanding of how some people really struggle with this condition.

I'm sure there are things you hugely struggle with, such as anxiety, cleanliness, impulsivity, that I might do really well at.

If I said that people with ADHD didnt need to be anxious if they did CBT?

Or if I said "I have ADHD, and bullet journalling means there isnt an excuse to be disorganised any more. Everything has a place, it's hard for me but important to keep on top of things so if I have ADHD and can be organised, so can you."

Would that sting? We all experience our ND differently.

@BillyBearSpam

🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

A similar thread was done on this not so long ago.

People have genuine reasons for being late. Anxiety, ADHD, OCD, IBS, childcare, pet care as a few examples. It's not personal.

I agree, it's rarely personal, but to do with the late person's difficulty with timekeeping (for whatever reason). However, that person does run the risk of being judged / binned off.

@Puzzledandpissedoff

As someone with ADHD, I have to plan to leave an hour earlier than a neurotypical person or else I will be late

That's the point though, Stroopwaffle; you know you have a few difficulties in this area, so you've put things in place to compensate, which is surely what anyone with sense would do rather than put all the inconvenience on others

Yes, things happen and we're all late sometimes, but all the time just isn't on. Personally I deal with it by waiting 10 minutes then leaving, and funnily enough the few who insist they "can't keep to time" suddenly find they can after all

This in spades.

My DS isn't NT but he's learned how to be a good "planner" to enable him to be on time and resist the distractions that "eat" time.

He's learned to work backwards from when he is meant to arrive and plan all the steps and time required (plus adding some contingency).

So no, I don't buy these excuses for persist lateness.

You either cba to be on time or cba to find appropriate strategies to be on time.

Either is still disrespecting the people you are supposed to meet.