@lockdownmadnessdotcom
Yes some people have conditions which makes it difficult to keep track of time. Actually people do accept that on this thread.
What they (I) don't accept is that grown women with families haven't learnt, by the age of 30 or 40 or 50 to develop strategies to help them get to places when they need to be there; and in fact we know they have, because nearly all of them will make it on time for a flight or medical appointment - because they have to. So I'm back to my original point - you simply don't think your meetings with your friend is important enough to make the effort.
And given everyone has a mobile phone these days they can call or text to say they are running late rather than leaving a friend hanging around. In the days before mobile phones you'd be hanging around for half an hour wondering if you were in the right place, if you had the right time or whether your "friend" was even coming.
More judgemental nonsense borne of ignorance.
It's common for women especially to be diagnosed with ADHD in our late 30s and 40s. After having DC, basically.
I had learnt coping strategies in my 20s. I used to get taxis to work when I was late, for example. Cost me a bloody fortune but it helped.
But when I had DC, all my coping mechanisms plus the just-in-time readiness I was managing by the skin of my teeth was out of the window, because firstly my life had changed so lots of the coping mechanisms either weren't appropriate or achieveable any more - but also we ADHDers really don't cope well with distraction, and kids are basically one massive, non-stop distraction.
This morning, for example, I was helping DS find the pens he needed for his pencil case. I had 2 pens and a pencil in my hand. DD then asked for help with the tie on her dress. I put the pens down and as I was doing it I thought, "I know where they are". I tied her dress. Then DS asked for the pens and I HAD NO MEMORY AT ALL of where I put them. None. Finding the pens added time to our morning. There were several similar incidents which all add up.
Also, I find it really hard to hold all the things in my head I need to, to get three of us ready at the same time. Or to plan all the things in advance. Or to know how long those things take.
WRT airports, as I explained upthread, I never get a morning flight and have to clear the entire morning to give myself enough time to leave the house early for the PM flight. I can't do that every time I leave the house else I'd be getting up in the wee hours and not sleeping!
I often miss medical appointments. I am getting better at this but my health has certainly suffered.
In this article about the ADHD tax (usually the extra money our disorganisation costs us) they also touch on health. It's scary reading.
[The ADHD tax is] the price you pay for costly mistakes due to symptoms of ADHD. Some obvious examples are parking and traffic tickets, late fees, high interest debt (i.e. credit cards), and low credit score (leading to higher interest debt, inability to get loans, problems renting apartments and buying cars, etc.). Sound familiar?
But get this: those are only perhaps the most common examples. The hidden ADHD Tax can be much much higher. In fact the hidden ADHD Tax is not measured in dollars: it’s measured in wasted time, physical well being, mental health, personal freedom (vs. incarceration), and — yes — years on your life.
Here’s a statistic that got my attention: People with ADHD have a lifespan that’s up to thirteen years shorter than people who don’t have ADHD. Given that perhaps 5% of the population in the US has ADHD, this constitutes a national health crisis.
Given the hell I put myself through getting me and the DC out of the door, it really galls to hear people like you saying I'm late because I don't think meeting my friends is important. It's fucking horrible, it pretty much always ends up with me out of breath, totally stressed, feeling like my brain is melting. I make a huge effort, I really want to be there on time and I often still fail anyway. It's immensly frustrating.
And then when I consider how ADHD affects my life more generally, including my health and relationships, it would be really nice if people could be a bit more understanding of what we're up against.
You don't need to spend your life waiting around for people who are crap at timekeeping if you don't want to, that's your choice. But judging us with this narrow minded, black-and-white, tunnel vision approach is out of order IMO.
I do let my friends know if I'm late btw. I don't understand why people don't, but I'd like to hear from those people who don't before deciding I know what their motivation is.