To say being late all the time isn't a trait you are just rude

[username4s]

AIBU to thinks it's not funny. it's plain rude and shows a lack of respect for the other person?

I often see/hear about people who are always late and it's as if it's just a funny trait of theirs. I don't agree it's shows a lack of care for other peoples time. Are these same people always late for work/school runs/other important commitments or do they suddenly manage to organise themselves and be on time.

“
Getting distracted doesn't make you special and unique. It happens to everyone if we let it . It’s a choice . It might be an easier choice for some than others but it’s still a choice. ” this is incredibly nasty . Many posters have shared the impact that neuro diversity has on their lives and you still feel the need to post a comment suggesting that it’s a choice.

So for todays 12.10 appt at the drs, I was ready by 11.30, out the door at 11.40 and there by 12

I would also be there by 12. Actually it's ridiculous because what GP is ever running to time? But if I arrived at 12.15 they'd refuse to see me. So I have to make sure I am on time.

Likewise, trains and planes will go without me. So the risk of missing a flight is massively stressful for me, so I make sure I eliminate the possibility as far as is reasonable without getting to the airport 5 hours before.

When I worked in London I didn't get a ridiculously early train to make sure I was never late for work, but I did get one that was 10 minutes earlier than another. Most of the people on here who are late would get the later one, or possibly the one after that.

For a one-off meeting, I would go earlier.

Yes it means I might have to kill time in a cafe. But it would be very unprofessional to arrive late because I didn't consider the very real possibility that my train would be late.

Some of you are also missing the point that many people are late all the time because it suits their narrative of being incredibly busy people. There are workplaces where everyone is late for meetings (except me :) ) because it looks uncool to be on time, as you can't be busy!

The ableism on this thread is really uncomfortable to read. I'm gobsmacked that people cannot see how offensive they're being, or how little imagination they have for seeing how other people function. No surprise I suppose, seeing as we know there's a clear link between neurodiversity and creativity but still mad to see quite so clearly in action.

@Bobmonkfish

Why do you all bother even meeting these awful, flakey, selfish late friends, out of interest? Clearly they don't do anything for you.

It's not just friends, it's work meetings, as I mention above. Although where I work now, people are generally on time and message if they are going to be late, so there is rather more consideration displayed than previous workplaces.

I’m not great with timekeeping. It doesn't make any difference if I get up an hour earlier, I seem to give myself a false sense of security of how long I have to get ready, end up procrastinating and still rushing around at the last minute.
The only way I can be guaranteed to leave on time is getting ready and leaving half an hour earlier than I think I need to, It works the majority of the time, I’m often the first to arrive. I don’t enjoy being late.

*It’s not acceptable to be late and impact others because you are in a wheelchair.

It’s not acceptable to be late and impact others because you have asthma.

It’s not acceptable to be late and impact others because you have diabetes.

REALLY? Such a disablist and ignorant comment, @Kanaloa*

None of these are an excuse to be consistently late to meet ups you have agreed to. How on earth would asthma make you entitled to arrive late repeatedly after agreeing to meet at a specific time? Or having diabetes? Oh sorry, I’m always thirty minutes later than the agreed time - I do have type 1 diabetes you know.

It’s not ignorant or disablist to suggest that if you have a disability that makes you incapable of arriving at an arranged time, you either need to tell people so they can be aware you won’t be on time, or not agree to meet and specific times.

@lockdownmadnessdotcom
I used to think it was because I was a busy person. Then discovered that I'm not busier than anyone else, just that my ADD means everything, absolutely everything, takes me longer to complete.

Seriously. I've been on MN a long time and I'm not easily offended but the way some posters on here talk about disabilities like it's a choice we're making is quite upsetting.

It's the equivalent of telling someone who has depression that they should just go out for a run or 'pull themselves together'.

This is what stigma looks like - right here on this thread.

Actually the equivalent would be

"It's not acceptable to annoy me by breathing heavily around me with your asthma. If you can't breathe normally so that it doesn't annoy me and other people without asthma. And if you can't do that then just don't meet with other people"

No, it’s a completely different situation. And I’m pretty sure you’re aware that it’s a different situation. Breathing loudly is not the same as leaving somebody waiting because you agreed to meet at a certain time while being aware you are apparently not capable of arriving on time, and have no control over changing that.

It is more along the lines of inviting someone for marathon training then not showing up because you have asthma and wouldn’t be able to manage such a long training session.

But anyway, I have offered a solution - why not tell people you will be late? Then they won’t be left waiting. If they’re aware you can’t work to a time schedule then you could organise events that aren’t time sensitive. Personally, as I’ve said, I wouldn’t meet someone who was constantly late to go to the cinema, walk the kids to school, go on holiday or anything like that, because it would spoil the experience as they’d likely be late. I would probably meet them for playing in the park, ice skating, or anything else I could enjoy without them being there, because then their lateness won’t impact on my enjoyment.

I am often late and it wasn't until I met my husband that he showed me a different perspective. That it was seen as a FU and displayed superiority over the person you kept waiting because the inference is their time doesn't matter.

I didn't think that and I wasn't trying to be late on purpose. I cringe remembering on a work review once declaring that I want a morning person 🤦🏽‍♀️ as if that meant it became acceptable to be late for work, however long the commute.

Now I try very hard to leave on time and leave enough time. If I get somewhere 5 mins early, that is something I am very proud of because it doesn't come naturally. And I am teaching my children about punctuality.

*wasn't

No, telling people with ND conditions that they are simply making a choice is equivalent to telling someone with epilepsy that they can simply choose not to have a seizure

I'm often late. Although only by up to 10 or 15 mins.
Its absolutely not because I dont care! I'm just crap at being on time.
Even in jobs I'm often late. I'm not lazy though and more than happy to stay late to make up for it.

No it isn’t. Telling someone they can make others aware they won’t be on time rather than agreeing to be on time then not being, is not the same as telling someone not to have a seizure. I’m sure you’re aware it’s actually very different and are just being petty about it.

[quote DontMakeMeShushYou]@IMOGEN

Fancy writing such a long essay when "I have a total inability to understand ND conditions" would have sufficed.[/quote]
I’m ND and so are several of my children. That’s why we have to work so hard to be organised.

But thanks for your patronising assumption.

Just to let you know, many ND people can write, I’m surprised you didn’t know that. We can even sit A levels and go to university.

@Kanaloa

No it isn’t. Telling someone they can make others aware they won’t be on time rather than agreeing to be on time then not being, is not the same as telling someone not to have a seizure. I’m sure you’re aware it’s actually very different and are just being petty about it.

And I'll assume you can read and have a degree of comprehension and are therefore deliberately misquoting my post to try to make your point more palatable. Nice try.

Well, no. I at no point said these people who have conditions precluding them from ever being on time are making a choice to be late.

They are making a choice to make plans with people at a certain time. Therefore leaving that person waiting. You can excuse yourself all you like, that is rude.

And as someone whose child used a wheel chair, your constant use of this as a gotcha is very offensive.

Many wheel chair users make MASSIVE efforts to travel to meet friends, work and do hobbies. They never say “ 10 mins before I was due to meet a friend half an hour away I decided to check which tube platforms were accessible “.

Because they spent an hour the night before planning the journey. And they probably arranged the meeting place and time to be feasible for them.

Yes they have the moral right to insist that every station and bus is accessible. But it’s not so they adapt and put plans in place . In an ideal world, everything would be accessible. But its not .

So saying that’s the same as leaving everything to the last minute then blaming your disability is fucking insulting.

Same as pretending to be amazed that autistic people can spell / read / write. Fucking offensive.

But we won’t agree, because I do think most people are capable of either meeting at an arranged time or telling people they won’t be there at the arranged time. I think there’s rarely an excuse to leave someone waiting more than once for a pre-arranged time you agreed to, as usually you could have told them in advance or made adjustments to be on time.

No, I made friends with people who are even later than me so we all work out well 😆

All this "selective lateness" stuff is bull. As I said, I'm late for everything. Including work. I'm late for work alot of the time. I hate it. How is that thinking my time is more valuable, if I got fired for it? It's usually only 5-10 mins. And if it's particularly bad, i.e over 5 mins, I would call ahead. I always apologize if I'm late, and I'm not laughing it off. So I think the people who are annoyed at the rudeness of being late, are actually annoyed at people who are just rude and happen to be late. Not everyone does "being late" like an arsehole.

No, @Kanaloa, you didn't. But others did, and my comment about epilepsy was directed at those people. So my point stands. You're not wrong but neither am I.