To say being late all the time isn't a trait you are just rude

[username4s]

AIBU to thinks it's not funny. it's plain rude and shows a lack of respect for the other person?

I often see/hear about people who are always late and it's as if it's just a funny trait of theirs. I don't agree it's shows a lack of care for other peoples time. Are these same people always late for work/school runs/other important commitments or do they suddenly manage to organise themselves and be on time.

YANBU. It's rude and disrespectful.
I know people who have problems managing time because of things like anxiety or dyslexia. Rather than turning up late to everything, they work round it by being very early and/or doing things like planning routes in advance. That's the decent way to behave.

Sometimes though a group of friends decide on a time to meet that makes it hard for me to be on time (like when I have to drop of a dc at an activity righy before. I really hope they don't hate on me as much as this thread.
Then why arrange to meet friends when you know the DC have an activity right beforehand.
@AdaHopper this is the very thing we mean.

What I’m trying to say (badly) @shesellsseacats is that if something like tipping tights or losing keys happens every time then surely you just give yourself more time so that on the odd occasion you can just go out the door you have say 15 minutes spare… better than being late?

How do you get to work on time or make sure you don’t miss a train or a plane?

I have never managed to get to work on time. I am good at my job and have been mostly lucky to have bosses who appreciated me and made allowances. I always stayed late and worked over my hours to make up for it.

For the last 6 years, I've WFH and managed my own hours, which are flexible, so I can't be late now!

I often do miss trains. I buy flexible train tickets so it's not a massive deal if I miss them.

I arrive massively early for planes. I never book morning flights, and I make sure I have several hours clear to make sure I can get out the house on time. I can't do this for, for example, getting the DC to school as I'd have to get up in the wee hours! Which would not be sustainable on a daily basis as I'd never sleep!

@brokenbiscuitsx

What I’m trying to say (badly) *@shesellsseacats* is that if something like tipping tights or losing keys happens every time then surely you just give yourself more time so that on the odd occasion you can just go out the door you have say 15 minutes spare… better than being late?

But, giving yourself extra time doesn't help if you lose the keys 5 minutes before having to leave, does it? It's irrelevant what time you get up then.

Have you read my accont of my morning? That's pretty typical.

I find it hard to keep lots of competing things in my head when under time pressure. I feel like I just can't hold so many thoughts in my head at once.

I am optimistic with my time. I over estimate how much I can fit into the day, and end up running incredibly tight time wise. A lot of the time I pull it off, although it is stressful and I feel much more relaxed on the days I've given myself the time I actually need. Of course it means I am vulnerable to being late if and when things go wrong (which they inevitably do). I am trying to fix these habits, I don't think my time is worth more than other peoples and I really do want to be on time. Now what I do do is I change my arrival time. So instead of going "I need to be at the meeting place at 9am" I will think "I need to be at the meeting place at 8.45am" and then I try and work out how long that means I need plus a bit of wriggle room. I have actually timed some things to remove the guesswork.

I grew up in with very anxious early parents, and I could never be that way either though. I hate being too early for things and waiting around for no reason. I would never ring the doorbell at someone's house until the planned time (my family do that to me a lot and it stresses me right out!). I need to stop being so optimistic, but also not be pessimistic either. Just be realistic, and almost always on time

@ThePotatoCroquette

I am optimistic with my time. I over estimate how much I can fit into the day, and end up running incredibly tight time wise. A lot of the time I pull it off, although it is stressful and I feel much more relaxed on the days I've given myself the time I actually need. Of course it means I am vulnerable to being late if and when things go wrong (which they inevitably do). I am trying to fix these habits, I don't think my time is worth more than other peoples and I really do want to be on time. Now what I do do is I change my arrival time. So instead of going "I need to be at the meeting place at 9am" I will think "I need to be at the meeting place at 8.45am" and then I try and work out how long that means I need plus a bit of wriggle room. I have actually timed some things to remove the guesswork.

I grew up in with very anxious early parents, and I could never be that way either though. I hate being too early for things and waiting around for no reason. I would never ring the doorbell at someone's house until the planned time (my family do that to me a lot and it stresses me right out!). I need to stop being so optimistic, but also not be pessimistic either. Just be realistic, and almost always on time

This is how I used to describe myself before being diagnosed with ADHD. I thought I was optimistic with time. Turns out, it was another was of describing ADHD time blindness.

Might be worth looking into.

@shesellsseacats

How do you get to work on time or make sure you don’t miss a train or a plane?

I have never managed to get to work on time. I am good at my job and have been mostly lucky to have bosses who appreciated me and made allowances. I always stayed late and worked over my hours to make up for it.

For the last 6 years, I've WFH and managed my own hours, which are flexible, so I can't be late now!

I often do miss trains. I buy flexible train tickets so it's not a massive deal if I miss them.

I arrive massively early for planes. I never book morning flights, and I make sure I have several hours clear to make sure I can get out the house on time. I can't do this for, for example, getting the DC to school as I'd have to get up in the wee hours! Which would not be sustainable on a daily basis as I'd never sleep!

Ahh that’s good with work then.

The being early for planes is me for everything, even meeting someone for a coffee (I may only be 20 mins early but still early - I’ll never turn up at someone’s house early though I’ll just wait in the car until it’s time )

Anything where I have to leave early morning I plan and pack everything the night before and put things I definitely can’t forget by the front door I realise I overly plan my life but it’s my way of controlling things I guess.

I think if I didn’t I’d possibly be flapping around and late all the time and couldn’t live with that level of stress

I’m not having a go by the way I’m just honestly intrigued how you do it.

Yanbu. My friend is late for every single thing we’ve ever arranged. It has made me late for things I’ve paid a lot of money for because I am sitting outside her house waiting for her. She’ll come out 20 mins late with her makeup and hair done, I’ll be sitting there sweating having rushed around to get there on time and won’t have done those things. I have learned that I just can’t go to organised time events with her. If she’s the one picking me up I end up standing for the 20 mins waiting for her to get there. It’s totally stressful as I hate being late for things. If she’s coming round to my house I couldn’t care if she’s late and that wouldn’t bother me but it’s more when people’s lateness impacts someone else’s stress levels.

But, giving yourself extra time doesn't help if you lose the keys 5 minutes before having to leave, does it? It's irrelevant what time you get up then.

But if you know something always happens like this (as in PP’s post it always seems to) then I’d get up 5 mins earlier just in case.

Dyslexia runs in our family so timekeeping is an issue. I use sand timers, alarms etc. DH has missed flights. I have a job with flexible hours i.e. I can pick my own start time within reason. The DC get to school by the skin of their teeth. If I am meeting someone I try to build in a margin of 20-30 mins so if I get lost in my own head I still get there on time.

We all have mobiles now.
If your going to be late CALL.
It isn't hard to do.
If your ADHD or have ill children and the other party is that closer friend, they will know something is causing this. BUT STILL CALL THEM.
95% of people do not have an excuse.
You, yes all of you who try to do just one more thing and use it as an excuse, need too realise your the problem.
If you saying your children cause you to be late in the mornings , every morning, then change things. I am from a big family, we were never late.

But if you know something always happens like this (as in PP’s post it always seems to) then I’d get up 5 mins earlier just in case.

I'm not sure what you're not getting about this.

You could give yourself, say, 4 hours extra, but you don't lose your keys to a schedule! If you lose them 5 minutes before you have to leave, and it takes you 15 minutes to find them, then you're late. The time you got up is irrelevant.

If you're always losing your keys or misplacing post maybe have a specific place for those things.

Anything where I have to leave early morning I plan and pack everything the night before and put things I definitely can’t forget by the front door blush I realise I overly plan my life but it’s my way of controlling things I guess.

I aspire to this! And, I really, really thought I'd managed it last night. But if you read my post about my morning above you'll see I hadn't at all .

I have ADHD and im ridiculously on time often to the exact minute. Dont buy that at all. ADHD is just the latest 'thing' atm.

@shesellsseacats

But if you know something always happens like this (as in PP’s post it always seems to) then I’d get up 5 mins earlier just in case.

I'm not sure what you're not getting about this.

You could give yourself, say, 4 hours extra, but you don't lose your keys to a schedule! If you lose them 5 minutes before you have to leave, and it takes you 15 minutes to find them, then you're late. The time you got up is irrelevant.

No you’re right I don’t get it.

I don’t understand how you can constantly lose things for a start and then I don’t understand why you can’t just give yourself extra time in the morning. Yes you don’t know how long it will take to find them but if you gave yourself routinely an extra half hour every morning. surely that has to help in making you less late?!

@BorderlineHappy

If you're always losing your keys or misplacing post maybe have a specific place for those things.

I do have a specific place for things. When I'm getting ready I get them from where they live, then if something (like a child!) distracts me, I put them down.

Then I have no idea where they are.

I have done this all my life and I try so hard not to do it. But I just cannot remember where I've put things, nor can I work out how to stop myself putting down what's in my hand if my attention is drawn elsewhere.

Like I said above, it's like I live with someone who's sneaking about taking the things from the places they're meant to live in and hiding them from me. Only, that person is me.

What is incredibly annoying, nay upsetting, on this thread is people justifying their lateness. Ok, so you may have a condition, but then take steps to deal with it .

It just shows that these posters are missing an empathy gene because they don’t give a crap about the anxious person who is waiting for over an hour.

As a pp said, what if you are left somewhere waiting?

I remember expecting a friend for lunch. I hadn’t seen her for ages so made a good lunch - a moveable feast allowing for lateness. At 12 noon she texted to say she was just setting off (from two hours away) as she’d been to Ikea. She eventually turned up at about 3. I suppose according to some on here I should chill out about such things, but why is always the “waiter” who has to be accommodating whilst the late person “can’t help it”?

@DottyHarmer

What is incredibly annoying, nay upsetting, on this thread is people justifying their lateness. Ok, so you may have a condition, but then take steps to deal with it .

It just shows that these posters are missing an empathy gene because they don’t give a crap about the anxious person who is waiting for over an hour.

As a pp said, what if you are left somewhere waiting?

I remember expecting a friend for lunch. I hadn’t seen her for ages so made a good lunch - a moveable feast allowing for lateness. At 12 noon she texted to say she was just setting off (from two hours away) as she’d been to Ikea. She eventually turned up at about 3. I suppose according to some on here I should chill out about such things, but why is always the “waiter” who has to be accommodating whilst the late person “can’t help it”?

Okaaaaay.

So, you're lecturing people who have neurological conditions about having a lack of empathy?

Also, how the fuck do you know what steps we're taking to deal with it? Or that we don't care about the person who's waiting for us?

You haven't asked, you've assumed then judged. Where's your empathy?

Dotty
What she did was rude. That isn’t misjudged timing that is deprioritising meeting you. What people are talking about when they say they struggle with time management is often (and definitely in my case) a lack of awareness of time passing.

I have lost keys so many times I don't carry keys any more. I leave my door on the latch if I'm not going to be out for long / if DP is in.

@shesellsseacats

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a teenager. It's not an excuse though! I am rarely late and if I am I do call or text, but I do run my life to such tight timings that I often have to basically run most of the day, skip meals and often don't get a chance to use the toilet for hours. I do need to change it but it is hard to do. I hating having nothing to do, but I also get overwhelmed when I'm over scheduled so it feels like I can't win. I feel like I've lived my whole life being just on time by the skin of my teeth.

I think the most important thing is that a pathologically late person should never marry a punctual person.

Bil was always late - he had no concept of time - and dsis would often be crying with anxiety and frustration about it.

@Elphame

OK - I doubt anyone will bother to reply to this

How do all the ND people who can’t be on time due to their condition feel if they are routinely late and meeting a friend who is routinely even more late than they are so they are the ones kept hanging around for half an hour?

I don't mind. I have one friend who has ADHD which affects her in a way that generally makes her much later than me. I expect her to be late, and generally factor that into social arrangements, so if we are going out for a meal or to see a film we'll arrange to meet up for drinks beforehand and I'll read a book until she shows up. If she's late enough to miss the start of timed event, I'll give her a quick call to check that she's on her way and then start the thing without her or do something else.

If I really minded her lateness and disorganisation then we probably wouldn't be compatible as friends, but she's a great friend who enhances my life in many ways.