Upset by triggering photos

[ChockaChick]

A lady in a group I’m in lost her twins at 20 weeks. Today is a significant anniversary for her and she has posted a photo of them on her personal newsfeed.

I have also suffered from loss and waking up to dead baby pictures really wasn’t what I needed this morning. I want to tell her to put them behind a trigger warning.

That would make me a nasty insensitive bitch though, wouldn’t it? She has every right to mark the anniversary as she chooses. She wasn’t protected from suffering at all so why should she have to protect others from it?

[quote GingerAndTheBiscuits]**@grey12* it’s unlikely the photos are medicalised but as @Formaldeheidi* pointed out upthread, more likely to be thoughtful images to commemorate the baby.[/quote]
What I meant was photos that show upsetting medical conditions. I know of a LOT of people who get as upset by that just like other people get by spiders (my earlier example)

It wasn't an insensitive thing I was just pointing out a fact. Like I said before it isn't even something that I would get upset by! But then I have worked in a hospital. DH would hate half the things I saw

Yes I chose to be a part of these groups, but it is not only in these groups that these pictures are posted.

I may post pictures on my own feed, other parents may post pictures on their personal.

That's the thing it belongs to US and we can post what we want, as can you.

Don't follow, or scroll on by. Don't try to impose limits on what you think we should be posting

As PP have said earlier ANYTHING can be a trigger to someone else, that's the choice you make being on social media.

I can, and I have, stopped following some accounts because of all the photos of their happy children. I have not tried to impose my thoughts on how they should accommodate my feelings on them or asked them to slap a trigger warning on photos of their beautiful little boy simply to make me feel less uncomfortable

If you have worked in a hospital I would expect you to have a little more sensitivity @grey12.

Are you literally in this thread to upset bereaved parents at this point?

I'm very thankful your last disgusting post was deleted so nobody else has to see it.

Taking time out of your day to say deliberately hurtful things to the people who have suffered the most is pretty shitty.

@blindspots is it really that hard to put TW at the start of a post??
I mean yes a lot of things can be triggering but a photo a dead baby is certainly at the top for many reasons.

It’s not about stopping ANYONE from posting about their child (alive or dead). I’ve said people should restrict their posting. Nor had the OP for that matter!
But as I don’t think that a simple TW is too hard either. (And then yes people can chose to read on or not etc… rather than blocking someone they might appreciate for a lot of other reasons)

Sorry it was supposed to be
I’ve NEVER said people should restrict their posting.

Yes it is hard to put a trigger warning on photos of our beautiful children.

Can you imagine having to warn people before they look at a photo of your kid?

@Plumtree391

I don't believe the op expects the bereaved mother to modify her behaviour, she is just sharing how she feels about it.

Well, OP did say ‘I want to tell her to put them behind a trigger warning.’

I don’t think she will say anything though, as OP rightly doesn’t want to cause any upset.

I think quite a few posters are completely oblivious as to how 'othered' bereaved parents are. People treat you like it's catching. They say horrible, hurtful things. You are literally surrounded by reminders of what you've lost. Every pregnancy announcement, every birth announcement, every milestone is like a punch in the gut and if you dare express how hard those things are for you, you get told you should be 'over it' by now or told that you're bitter.

We have memories. That's it. A few photos, maybe some keepsakes and what's in our heads. That's it. We get told that our loss is 'uncomfortable' for others if we try to keep those memories alive by talking about our children. Oh really? Is it? Have you ever wondered what it might be like to live it? Of course you haven't. You can't imagine it. And I hope you never, ever, have too.

We live in a society that is obsessed with babies and children. Unless the baby or child dies then it doesn't want to know. Then they want no reminders, no talking about it and for us to put our children behind trigger warnings.

[quote takehomepay]@Plumtree391

I don't believe the op expects the bereaved mother to modify her behaviour, she is just sharing how she feels about it.

Well, OP did say ‘I want to tell her to put them behind a trigger warning.’

I don’t think she will say anything though, as OP rightly doesn’t want to cause any upset.[/quote]
I agree, she won't. It was just an immediate reaction. We mustn't forget that she has been through it.

We can't help how we feel at any one time but that doesn't mean we will act impulsively, if we are adult we'll think about it.

I hope op is all right today. This is such a sensitive topic.

@DeadButDelicious you are so right.

People expect us to put trigger warnings and sensitive content warnings and tiptoe around what we say and how much or how publicly we grieve to make our experience more palatable for them.

We are only allowed to grieve within the realms of others comfort zones.

[quote DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult]@DeadButDelicious you are so right.

People expect us to put trigger warnings and sensitive content warnings and tiptoe around what we say and how much or how publicly we grieve to make our experience more palatable for them.

We are only allowed to grieve within the realms of others comfort zones.[/quote]
In fairness, I really think the TW argument here is specifically around pictures, not just talking about the subject.

And again, I wouldn't be saying that for the sake of other people who haven't been through it. But I do feel that there are likely a lot of people like @QueeniesCroft out there, for whom those pictures would be a real gut wrenching shock. I don't think there's any way of getting around the fact that the pictures can be inherently distressing, despite being beloved.

In fairness, I really think the TW argument here is specifically around pictures, not just talking about the subject.

And again, I wouldn't be saying that for the sake of other people who haven't been through it. But I do feel that there are likely a lot of people like@QueeniesCroftout there, for whom those pictures would be a real gut wrenching shock. I don't think there's any way of getting around the fact that the pictures can be inherently distressing, despite being beloved.

Its not just pictures though. I've even seen it in here, MNHQ adding trigger warnings, or bereaved mums feeling like they have to put TW BABY LOSS on their threads.

Undoubtedly some people will be upset by those pictures, but every picture in the world could potentially upset someone. Those feelings are for us to manage, we cannot regulate what bereaved parents share on their own pages.

Many of us have developed ways of protecting ourselves from potentially seeing something triggering to us but in reality we could bump into our midwife in the street, see a hearse with a baby coffin in it, be in a shop and hear our baby's funeral song playing or a million other things every day.

Its not just pictures though. I've even seen it in here, MNHQ adding trigger warnings, or bereaved mums feeling like they have to put TW BABY LOSS on their threads. Undoubtedly some people will be upset by those pictures, but every picture in the world could potentially upset someone. Those feelings are for us to manage, we cannot regulate what bereaved parents share on their own pages. Many of us have developed ways of protecting ourselves from potentially seeing something triggering to us but in reality we could bump into our midwife in the street, see a hearse with a baby coffin in it, be in a shop and hear our baby's funeral song playing or a million other things every day.

I wouldn't agree with being required to add trigger warnings to anything other than the pictures. And again, I don't think it's wrong to put those pictures up. I just do think that there is something potentially inherently more upsetting about those images that anything else, and so maybe social media isn't the best place for them. But ultimately, my feelings on it don't really matter.

Maybe social media isn't the best place for someone feeling particularly fragile?

Our own Facebook pages are absolutely the place to show off our own children.

I will absolutely defend anyone's right to show off their baby in their own page without having to think about the feelings of others. That's literally all we have.

OP why not just deactivate? Realistically we're at a point where waking up to unexpected photos of dead babies on a social media app is something you're expected to just navigate as part of life.

Honestly would you use Excel if unexpected photos of extremely traumatic events popped up randomly? No, you'd delete the app with horror, but social media seems to get a free pass socially speaking.

Social media is just an app bit ruins mental health for so many people. I don't touch it and it's awesome, the stress I Miss put on seems to be immemse.

@DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult

Maybe social media isn't the best place for someone feeling particularly fragile?

Our own Facebook pages are absolutely the place to show off our own children.

I will absolutely defend anyone's right to show off their baby in their own page without having to think about the feelings of others. That's literally all we have.

Maybe, but as another poster says earlier, these pictures are rare enough that she wouldn't be expecting to see them, hence why they come as such a shock. As I said, I won't argue with your right to feel and do as you say, I just have a somewhat different opinion on the effect of those pictures.

As I said, many things throughout life are triggering that would be rare enough that we wouldn't expect them on a daily basis.

Restricting another bereaved parent on their own social media isn't the way to go about it.