To feel sad my looks are fading

[Losinglooks21]

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

I think 45 plus is lethal for ageing, especially facially.I’m 50 and recently met up with my high school friends, some had Botox or fillers, which gave a fresher look, but we all looked the same age. I think I look OK ish but was never a looker anyhow.

[quote PearlyRising]@nordica it can depend. I think I had a ''cute'' poppety little face which looked cute til 40 and now looks invisible at 51, but you know, big earrings!! More striking faces that might have been less conventionally pretty in their youth, those faces come in to their own after 40. JMO. I am very accepting of where I am now.

As I said to my daughter, there's no point being beautiful if you don't feel good about yourself inside because all beauty will give you is a better looking arsehole of a boyfriend. Feel good about yourself and your bf won't be an arsehole, your boss won't take advantage of you and your friends won't take you for granted. She gets this I hope although she's early on that journey but having witnessed some of her gorgeous friends being treated like free prostitutes by their arsehole boyfriends.[/quote]
Some wise advice here

@OlympicProcrastinator

I’ve actually really enjoyed ageing. I used to hate the constant hounding by men. I also used to look a bit harsh in my eyes when I look back at old photos. Yes I may have been standardly attractive with high cheekbones etc but I prefer the way I look now at 44. I saw a picture of me out having a drink with my friend the other day and I just look softer, friendlier, with laughter lines round by eyes and a decent smile (good teeth are everything). People speak to me with respect in a way they never did in my 20’s. And I enjoy knowing that exercise and good nutrition is helping me to keep healthy, strong and to fight off disease as opposed to worrying about looks. It makes it feel more important and worthwhile. My husband tells me i’ve got finds me more attractive the older I get, he’s known me since I was early 20’s. I know that I’m not objectively more attractive but as I don’t care and personally prefer how I look maybe that shows through.

I love the important and worthwhile thing. That's exactly where I come from. I'm 52 for goodness sake, I've lived AGES! I'm beautiful, precious and vintage and will treat myself as such.

I'm in my 50s now, and while I like to think I'm still decent looking, I've entered 'looking good for your age' territory, which is kind of sad, however inevitable it may be.

I completely agree with this. There is an adjustment in ‘looking good for your age’ than just plain looking good. Especially I think if attractiveness is an asset in your life in important areas such as work or relationships - such as if you are an actress, looking for a partner (like me!), or in a job where it’s very competitive.

I think if I had a husband who loved me still it would help. However I’m a scientist so that’s lucky as looks matter a lot less…

5128gap. Wow that Nefertiti lift, I'm not surprised it's considered risky, couldn't it hit a jugular vein?

@Notsandwiches

Sadly you're going to have more of this when you get to menopause and your face seems to age 10 years in 6 months.

It doesn’t have to. Mine didn’t.

@Notsandwiches

Sadly you're going to have more of this when you get to menopause and your face seems to age 10 years in 6 months.

This is so sadly true!

Menopause is brutal. We need to be especially nice to ourselves at this time!

I’m still waiting for my ‘looks’ to come in and I’m 52 now!

Seriously, be happy you’re alive and healthy.
Get outside, get some freckles, get some reality checking.

@KarenofSparta

5128gap. Wow that Nefertiti lift, I'm not surprised it's considered risky, couldn't it hit a jugular vein?

I suppose its possible if the doctor was sufficiently distracted and tried to inject you with a dagger! But I think it's more that the botox can migrate and freeze muscles you wouldn't want frozen, like the ones for breathing and swallowing. Very rare but the fact it even could happen is enough for me to give it a swerve.

Sounds equally terrifying tbf.

I've just turned 65 and I'm quite pleased with how I look. I feared turning certain ages in the past but not really any more. It takes a lot of maintenance in terms of exercise ( running, pilates, yoga and weights), diet ( keeping bang on 9st) and having good diet. I spend a lot on keeping my hair looking good - unobtrusive colour, shiny longer hair. I also buy clothes from brands like Whistles and Me+Em. I would never go down th botox or fillers route,just want to enhance the real me. If you feel you are not looking good this is not age, you can look great at any age. It sounds as if there might be health or well being aspects you could look at - it brings a lot of satisfaction in my experience.

I've always been physically unattractive so never had the looks to fade. Every cloud and all that.

colleague smiled at me and said to our other colleagues "ah ladies, isn't it great seeing a gorgeous young woman doing well?! We remember those days fondly!" and the other women agreed enthusiastically

That’s just mean and bitchy. Trying to take away from your success by talking about your looks. Maybe you have skills other than your beauty that got you a promotion.

@FuckPilledLatteplus

colleague smiled at me and said to our other colleagues "ah ladies, isn't it great seeing a gorgeous young woman doing well?! We remember those days fondly!" and the other women agreed enthusiastically

That’s just mean and bitchy. Trying to take away from your success by talking about your looks. Maybe you have skills other than your beauty that got you a promotion.

I read that differently, tbh.

But then, people do see the world in different ways, which is what makes forums like this so lively

I am 44 and have only just learned how to do my make up properly.

I learned watching tik tok tutorials believe it or not. It has been a revelation for me and my sister thought I had had a bit of botox and not told anyone.

I love doing my make up now and use contouring techniques. I've invested in some new make up and it has given me such a boost.

Yeah can’t stand that “we are all always want to say “speak for yourself love”

@MiaMarsmallows

I've always been physically unattractive so never had the looks to fade. Every cloud and all that.

I'm unattractive too, but I think that when you're young, youth itself is attractive. You can ugly compared to other young women, but you will still hold some allure for older men. For those of us in that situation, after a certain age we have nothing (except personality, etc.).

You can ugly compared to other young women, but you will still hold some allure for older men.

Who gives a shit what 'older men' think though? As a young woman they weren't even on my radar, and now as an 'older woman' myself, I'm not at all concerned about being attractive to them. Maybe 1 in 100 is worth looking at.

I've been comimented by men half my age even though i look a mess...i think they like " experience!"

It is weird when you can see changes. I don't have wrinkles yet, but my skin is less tight than it was and it still catches me by surprise.

I'm 'lucky' (if that's the right word) that I'll probably always look younger than I am - a mix of genetics and ethnicity - but it is still disconcerting. Saying that I got carded, genuinely, at the checkout last week. I took off my mask and she said 'oh yes obviously' which i thought would sting a bit but actually made me laugh. I guess I've accepted I don't look 25 and under anymore and I don't want to. :)

@IcedPurple

You can ugly compared to other young women, but you will still hold some allure for older men.

Who gives a shit what 'older men' think though? As a young woman they weren't even on my radar, and now as an 'older woman' myself, I'm not at all concerned about being attractive to them. Maybe 1 in 100 is worth looking at.

My point was that even an ugly woman can be sad at losing her youth. I don't think we have to apologise for feeling like that and I don't think people who claim not to care what others think about them are superior to the rest of us.

@malificent7

I've been comimented by men half my age even though i look a mess...i think they like " experience!"

I think you must be good looking because they don't do that to everyone.

My point was that even an ugly woman can be sad at losing her youth. I don't think we have to apologise for feeling like that and I don't think people who claim not to care what others think about them are superior to the rest of us.

I agree that most people, men and women, are sad about losing their youth.

But your use of the word 'claim' here seems to suggest that you think these people are being less than truthful. Honestly, I don't know a single young woman who cared what balding blokes in their 50s thought about her, or who misses their attention now that she's older. On the contrary, as young women we thought it hilarious and slightly distasteful that men old enough to be our dads thought they'd even have a chance with any of us.

"as young women we thought it hilarious and slightly distasteful that men old enough to be our dads thought they'd even have a chance with any of us."

Yes, I did too, but it doesn't mean I'm not sad that I don't even register as a woman with men these days.

"I don't know a single young woman who cared what balding blokes in their 50s thought about her"

I think it's likely you do, just that they don't all admit it to you. Women generally do care about becoming invisible in middle age.

I'm 32 and I look like shit. I don't think anything is saving this. I expect it'll be downhill from now on.