To feel sad my looks are fading

[Losinglooks21]

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

Oh and I happily doctor all photos to make myself look better.

I have no shame about this at all! There are some good apps that if done subtly will be quite effective. Don’t smooth your whole face though… subtle is the way!

It’s quite fun!

I get my eyelashes done it takes years off. And so much easier than curling and mascara every morning. Don’t go for the Russian just classics.

"Also the Botox comments. You can only tell if someone has had it if it's done badly."

No, you can also tell if their forehead looks 30, but their neck looks 60.

No, you can also tell if their forehead looks 30, but their neck looks 60.

This is me and yet I haven’t had Botox!

What the hell is it about necks that they just collapse for some people?! (Ie me… )

@AlbertBridge

Lose weight and you'll shed the 3 chins. 👍🏻

It's not impossible to lose weight over 40. I'm 50 and recently dropped 4 stone. Currently regained 4lbs as it makes my face slightly less haggard. 😂

You can be slim and have a double chin.

[quote Losinglooks21]@Blueleah yes you are right, will check these influencer accounts for inspiration[/quote]
But OP please remember most people online these days edit their pictures to fuck and use filters for days, so try not to compare yourself.

In the light of day even these 'celebs' look way different.

I'm sure you're way more attractive than you think ;)

"I'm convinced everyone one looks like a ghoul on Zoom calls. Or maybe that's just what I tell myself, rather than admitting that that's what I 'really look like'!"

I actually botox myself on Zoom - you can select an option that smoothes your wrinkles. It only works for the forehead though, my 11s are still strong and my dark shadows still very visible.
Teams is a different matter and at the beginning of wfh I didn't realise I had to lift the screen up so I'm not looking down.

It's not odd at all. Being good looking is lovely. It's like being wealthy or having a talent, you're no less worthy without it, but its something many people really enjoy, and are sad to lose.

Yes I agree with tis.

When I was younger, I was very pretty. Not stunning, but with a conventionally attractive face and a great figure. I didn't have people staring at me in the street or anything, but my looks did mean that the hard work of making a good impression was already done, as there's lots of evidence that we subconsciously consider attractive people to be 'better' in everything that they do - the 'halo affect'.

I'm in my 50s now, and while I like to think I'm still decent looking, I've entered 'looking good for your age' territory, which is kind of sad, however inevitable it may be.

I think looks are different from wealth or talent in that these tend to increase or remain stable as you age - with the exception of athletes - but looks inevitably decline. No matter how gorgeous you are as a young man or woman, it's certainly going to fade with age, no matter what you do. So beauty is kind of unique in that respect.

@NCBlossom

Oh and I happily doctor all photos to make myself look better.

I have no shame about this at all! There are some good apps that if done subtly will be quite effective. Don’t smooth your whole face though… subtle is the way!

It’s quite fun!

Sorry but I don't think doctoring her photos. Is ultimately going to make OP feel better 🤷🏻‍♀️.

@NCBlossom

No, you can also tell if their forehead looks 30, but their neck looks 60.

This is me and yet I haven’t had Botox!

What the hell is it about necks that they just collapse for some people?! (Ie me… )

I think the skin is naturally very thin and dry there so we get these rings on them from our 30s onwards. You can also tell someone's age from their hands when they've had work done on their face.

@Gwenhwyfar

"I'm convinced everyone one looks like a ghoul on Zoom calls. Or maybe that's just what I tell myself, rather than admitting that that's what I 'really look like'!"

I actually botox myself on Zoom - you can select an option that smoothes your wrinkles. It only works for the forehead though, my 11s are still strong and my dark shadows still very visible.
Teams is a different matter and at the beginning of wfh I didn't realise I had to lift the screen up so I'm not looking down.

For me it's not the wrinkles - despite being in my 50s I have few of those yet - it's the jowls and eye bags. Not much to be done about those!

@Penistoe

I get my eyelashes done it takes years off. And so much easier than curling and mascara every morning. Don’t go for the Russian just classics.

I can't imagine permanent mascara making up for loads of wrinkles and sagging.

"despite being in my 50s I have few of those yet - it's the jowls and eye bags. Not much to be done about those!"

The old Croydon facelift I suppose. People say they use those bands that stretch your skin on the makeover programmes eg Chris on Youtube.

@Gwenhwyfar

"Also the Botox comments. You can only tell if someone has had it if it's done badly."

No, you can also tell if their forehead looks 30, but their neck looks 60.

Well if they looked like that its obviously a case of it being done badly isn't it? No skilled cosmetic doctor should do disproportionate work on one area while neglecting others. Undetectable work is where a holistic approach is taken.

"No skilled cosmetic doctor should do disproportionate work on one area while neglecting others."

You can't do Botox on the neck though. So it's not the Botox being badly done, it's just the fact that you can't hide all signs of ageing.

I’ve actually really enjoyed ageing. I used to hate the constant hounding by men. I also used to look a bit harsh in my eyes when I look back at old photos. Yes I may have been standardly attractive with high cheekbones etc but I prefer the way I look now at 44. I saw a picture of me out having a drink with my friend the other day and I just look softer, friendlier, with laughter lines round by eyes and a decent smile (good teeth are everything). People speak to me with respect in a way they never did in my 20’s. And I enjoy knowing that exercise and good nutrition is helping me to keep healthy, strong and to fight off disease as opposed to worrying about looks. It makes it feel more important and worthwhile. My husband tells me i’ve got finds me more attractive the older I get, he’s known me since I was early 20’s. I know that I’m not objectively more attractive but as I don’t care and personally prefer how I look maybe that shows through.

@DevonDame

Honestly, OP, at 42 you are pretty much still in your prime! You will look back and wonder what you were upset about.

I am almost 25 years older.

People who don't know me (genuinely) think I am 50. I get ID'd when I have to ask for concessions.

I am lucky that all the women in my family have youthful genes BUT I can share some of my own tips.

I don't drink- can't for medical reasons and stopped at 40.
I use sun block every single day and have since 37 when I had a skin condition and treatment included sun block and I've just carried on.

I eat very healthily. Avoid almost all refined carbs, sugar, fizzy drinks etc except for the odd treat.

I am the same weight within about 3-4 lbs that I was in my 20s.

I keep up to date with make up trends and use make up daily (usually Bobbi Brown as I like a natural look.)

My hair colour has faded from dark auburn but I have a few lowlights a couple of times a year and I've grown out the short cut I had at 45.

Honestly, you CAN do this! You won't look 20 but you will look the best for your age.

and as for Helen Mirren, she has had countless face lifts and she doesn't look great even now. She has presence but that's her confidence coming over.

DM is 76 and regularly gets mistaken for someone around my age (54). She says it's all makeup, but she's always had low self-esteem about her looks. It works against her on the bus when she tries to sit in a priority seat, she's disabled but doesn't "look it".

@5128gap a great response, thanks you. I don’t think it’s shallow or a reflection on your personality to feel a bit shit when your face is sagging a bit more than it was five years ago, surely that’s just a natural human response?! I have two lovely children and a job which helps society. Surely we can as busy women just have a bit of a moan now and again about how the stresses of life play out on us physically without being judged and deemed an awful person 🤣. Love all the solidarity on these posts. I do actually exercise a lot and have brought weights into my routine they have helped with my posture a lot so would definitely recommend that to others. Some other great ideas on here, thank you to all you lovely mumsnetters! Now off to drink some more water !! I think it’s all about setting a new routine and as always carving out some “me time “ too.

One of the most beautiful women I ever knew was in her 80s,she was firey and lively and didn't give a shit about what other people (men, particularly) thought about her or how she looked. Her personality shone out of her face and it made her gorgeous.

@Gwenhwyfar

"No skilled cosmetic doctor should do disproportionate work on one area while neglecting others."

You can't do Botox on the neck though. So it's not the Botox being badly done, it's just the fact that you can't hide all signs of ageing.

You can actually. It's supposed to be very effective for the stringy tendony appearance some people get. Theres also a lot of other treatments that make a huge difference in the neck area, and a decent doctor would suggest that treatment of different areas keep pace with the forehead. Hands can be treated too, not botox obviously, so they don't need to look incongruous either.

"Theres also a lot of other treatments that make a huge difference in the neck area"

I've heard of ultherapy, but didn't know you could get Botox in the neck.

" a decent doctor would suggest that treatment of different areas keep pace with the forehead. Hands can be treated too, not botox obviously, so they don't need to look incongruous either."

Well, OK, but you'd need to be very rich to afford treatments everywhere.

@Gwenhwyfar tarte creaseless concealer has been a recent discovery of mine, it just doesn't budge!

Please don’t use Botox, it’s expensive and looks weird! Shiny forehead, changes the face over time, avoid at all costs. Even celebrities who can afford the best end up not looking like themselves. Be your best authentic you.

@Gwenhwyfar

"Theres also a lot of other treatments that make a huge difference in the neck area"

I've heard of ultherapy, but didn't know you could get Botox in the neck.

" a decent doctor would suggest that treatment of different areas keep pace with the forehead. Hands can be treated too, not botox obviously, so they don't need to look incongruous either."

Well, OK, but you'd need to be very rich to afford treatments everywhere.

Yes neck botox is called a nefertitti lift, it smooths the neck and jaw. Its riskier in that area though so not something that would appeal to me. I have treatments and its not cheap, but I don't spend much on make up, clothes or accessories and have cheap to maintain hair, so it evens out.

Sadly you're going to have more of this when you get to menopause and your face seems to age 10 years in 6 months.