To feel sad my looks are fading

[Losinglooks21]

Name changed for this, I know Aibu but just feel so sad that in every photo anyone takes of me I look awful. I am now 42, feel like I have progressively aged over the last two years (maybe covid/ lockdown related). Does it ever get better in your mid forties or should I just hide from the camera forever more?

@Moonface123

How shallow and sad that something as natural as aging is now seen as the enemy. So much for progression.

Has it made you feel better to have a sneer at people?

I hope so, I can't really think of another reason you would do this. Some good should come of this.

Even if its just that you feel slightly better for it

Twinsmummy1812

I feel the same. I’m so glad to not be obsessing about my looks. It’s liberating

I know I’m still attractive but I’m not what I was and don’t try to be. Abs I don’t feel I’m ignored but I’m not harassed like I was and that is a relief

I agree with poster who said look back at that time fondly (not the harassment of course) and let others enjoy it don’t be bitter or constantly wishing for what was

Lose weight and you'll shed the 3 chins. 👍🏻

It's not impossible to lose weight over 40. I'm 50 and recently dropped 4 stone. Currently regained 4lbs as it makes my face slightly less haggard. 😂

I think one of the major things people don’t do is change things up as they age. Your face, body, skin, etc all change which means that the same haircut, makeup application and clothes won’t work for you like they did 10 years ago. You might need a different hairstyle to flatter your face now.
And to apply different makeup products and possibly to different areas to suit changes to your skin and face shape. YouTube is great for makeup, have a look at videos about how makeup application can change your face shape, like where you apply blush.

Ageing well is the very best antidote. Forty years ago, I was young and now I am technically old. But I don't feel any older than I did 20 years ago, except today because I have a stinking cold!

I do face yoga. You can find instruction videos on Youtube. I think it is helping my face from sagging and is a quick, free thing to try. I also use a dermal roller once a month. I used to Botox, but found this fits my budget better!
The Dermal roller also helps with age spots and tightens the skin.

I have done two or three things recently that have helped me feel good about the age I am (early fifties).

One is to follow a really great make-up tutorial online on YouTube, I can't remember the woman's name but it was under make-up mistakes over 40 and it turned out I was doing a lot of them. I bought a couple of products recommended, tried out the techniques and I honestly think my make-up has never looked better. Small investment for big impact, it also helped me cope with Zoom face which was making me feel old and terrible.

The other is lose weight, which is hard but I've found a formula that works for me, I still eat lovely food but less of it and have some boring/hungry moments as well, and that's made me feel a lot younger. I can move better. I'm not thin by any means, but no longer look and feel matronly.

At 42, you are not old, you are just not in the first flush of youth. I have found being smiley and an interesting person goes a hell of a long way even if you don't look conventionally pretty, do what you can in front of the mirror and then go out and live your best life, not thinking about how you look.

@Moonface123

How shallow and sad that something as natural as aging is now seen as the enemy. So much for progression.

Well it's not 'now's is it? People have never much cared for looking older, it's the physical reminder of mortality for one thing. It's just more discussed amongst women because we now have more choices about how we look, which I don't find at all sad. It makes very happy. And as for superficial, I somehow cleverly manage to combine care about my appearance with care for my job, in which I make a difference to the lives of vulnerable people, care for the environment, for multiple social and political issues, and my family and friends. As do the majority of women I know.

"I know lots of people who feel they have visibly aged during the pandemic."

I feel like I have, but I've also never seen myself on screen as much before. I looked OK at 40, but in the last couple of years have aged SO much. Do we go through age spurts or something?

Age doesn't make you less beautiful. You can be a beautiful 40, 50, 60, 70 year old etc. My Auntie is mid 70s, but was a model back in the day, and is still a lovely looking woman. In a room filled with younger women she will usually still be the most good looking one there.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland

Make up gets wedged in there and looks awful.

Wearing too much makeup honestly makes it worse. Makes skin look saggy.

Sometimes you have to though. I have very dark circles so I really need concealer so I end up with the caked, creased look.

YANBU, I don't have any words of wisdom as I'm in the same boat.

I'm 42 and I have never been remotely gorgeous but before lockdown I had lost weight, was exercising regularly and drinking lots of water. I felt and looked better than I had in years!

18 months later I've put the weight back on and a bit more, I'm shattered, pissed off at myself and basically look worse than I ever have.

I know I need to make some big changes and get my shit together but struggling to get the motivation again to be honest!

"I also use collagen which has made a huge difference to my hair and nails (my hair is no longer falling out and my nails are stronger and not splitting like they were), but I don't know if it's done much for my skin."

I took it for 2 months and no improvement. I will keep trying though.

@donquixotedelamancha

Tbf some of us never had the looks in the first place, so are less stressed about losing them!

Yep, having always been ugly I find the idea of still valuing your self based on looks at 42 really odd.

Are you a good person, OP? Do you have people in your life who care for you? Do you do things that matter and contribute positively to the world? This is what matters.

It's not odd at all. Being good looking is lovely. It's like being wealthy or having a talent, you're no less worthy without it, but its something many people really enjoy, and are sad to lose.

@Benjispruce5

I’m 50 and I’ve found I age then plateau for a few years. This started around 45, all was going well until then! I don’t have lots of wrinkles, I avoid sun bathing, I wear shades all year if bright which helps as I’ll squint I wear a hat if sitting on a beach etc and spf 30 every day on my face. I get blonde shades in foils regularly and always wear make up. I agree brows (not fake slugs) make a difference. I use an angled brush and a pomade to lightly shape and fill. I did start using The Ordinary retinol and that did help and is affordable so might revisit. I find facial exfoliation. Aldi La Prairie copy cat face cream is good too. As for weight, I’m at my 20s weight and maintain that within a few pounds as I find that makes me feel good and look better in my clothes. I won’t go thinner though as that can be bad for faces. Despite all of those superficial things, I am always aware of the privilege of ageing and my freedom to dress how I like. A freedom not every woman has.

Same here. I look the same for a few years then change quite suddenly and quickly. It seems to happen about every decade.

I’ll be 70 the year after next - a concept I find hilarious - and have made my peace with looking older.

My hair’s been grey for 25 years because I love the colour but the cut has to be immaculate, lockdown was the pits, I emerged from each one looking a decade older. I’m very lucky because I’m pretty wrinkle free apart from laughter lines round my eyes and I quite like those, they show I’ve lived.

In the last two years three of my contemporaries have died. It’s a reality checkpoint when that happens and it’s made me appreciate life so much.

I look better at 51 than in my 40’s - my hair is longer and the colour better I rarely wear makeup my skin is in good nick (Pixi serums) and I changed my make up for when I go out to much more light and liquid based products that don’t cling to the wrinkles- no powder! I exercise more which makes me feel good - try and find the positives

@Moonface123

How shallow and sad that something as natural as aging is now seen as the enemy. So much for progression.

This isn't just about appearance really, there are lots of good ideas, tips, knowledge here about ageing in general.

As women our bodies have had a battering over the years, pregnancy, menopause, hormones in general etc.
Helping your body get through the next stage of life well and as healthy as possible is surely a very good thing to do.

Diet is important, what we drink is important, exercise is important. Don't forget sleep, posture, a nice genuine smile, a good attitude to life, confidence are all important.

Get these right and we can look good at any age, it's just that when you are younger you can get away with so much more.

@OutwiththeOutCrowd

One thing I've noticed, even with my teenage DS, who has a tendency to hibernate in his room, is that a lack of sunlight can impact the complexion and take away that youthful glow.

Lockdowns probably made people feel there was no reason to go out but I think it's important to keep tanking sunshine (in moderation).

Otherwise you can start to look like asparagus grown in the dark.

On the other hand, we're always being told that sun is the enemy in terms of ageing.

I’m 52 and look better than ever. I’ve lost 6st, I love my long, blonde hair and I have good skin which I’ve taken care of since I was 12, when I first started using moisturiser.
I always wear mascara and eyeliner, 24/7. I just tidy it up with a cotton bud/cleanser.
Oh and red lipstick is a must

PS I no longer drink
(I don’t eat healthily at all, however.)

This is why I’m pleased I was/am plain as fuck.

Don't just march off to the makeup counter for a new face.

Less is more when it comes to over-40s makeup. Foundation in particular can age you and suck the radiance from your skin.

Spend a month researching the products and makeup that are best suited for your skin. This forum is a good place to ask

Yadnbu

It is hard. I’m 50 and I never realised how good looking I was until recently I realised I do not look good anymore!

Honestly it was quite a shock. I think I was used to this face that looked quite young for so many years. And then suddenly. It didn’t.

I’d say that goes for all of us, we are all nice looking as young people even if we don’t realise it. Youth is attractive.

BUT what we do with that shock is key isn’t it. A friend died last year. That puts a bit of perspective on it. I am relatively healthy. But that won’t last forever either. So I’m pretty grateful for that. And I still look OK just not particularly attractive. I’m single and looking for a partner so it is a bit of a bugger!!!

@Gwenhwyfar

"I know lots of people who feel they have visibly aged during the pandemic."

I feel like I have, but I've also never seen myself on screen as much before. I looked OK at 40, but in the last couple of years have aged SO much. Do we go through age spurts or something?

I'm convinced everyone one looks like a ghoul on Zoom calls. Or maybe that's just what I tell myself, rather than admitting that that's what I 'really look like'!

Worse is when you see a still shot of yourself on the screen, all double chin and pursed lips. Shudders!

" I now see my mum/grandma in me when I never did when I was young!"

I see my brothers and uncles. I'm turning into a man!