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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:
PurpleEchoLamp · 04/09/2021 14:46

Glastonbury ever time. None of my friends would be so silly as to book anything for that week and expect me there!

OldTinHat · 04/09/2021 14:46

YANBU. Glastonbury wins! You booked it first. Go and have a fabulous time! If your friend complains then just tell her that you're not psychic and she is BU for booking her wedding the same weekend!!

GrimDamnFanjo · 04/09/2021 14:47

I'd describe it a holiday booked 3 years ago to a one off event. You need to tell her ASAP.
People who aren't into the festival experience may not understand [I'm not] but I also think for many marrying couples their wedding is the most important thing in the world to them and they fail to realise that for their guests it's not!

icedcoffees · 04/09/2021 14:47

@KatherineJaneway

Would you really expect a friend to give up tickets they'd spend several hundreds pounds on just to attend your wedding?!

It's just a festival. If you are that 'good' a friend then I'd expect you to be at my wedding. Maybe OP needs to clarify how close she is with this person.

"Just a festival" for you, maybe.

If my friend tried to demand I cancelled tickets to Glastonbury to attend their wedding, we wouldn't be friends much longer!

If you really cared about your friend attending your wedding, you'd check she was free before you booked it.

AngeloMysterioso · 04/09/2021 14:47

@UrgentHelpforFriend

Op I really feel for you!! I've had a vaguely similar dilemma before..... But.. I have to say this will probably cost the friendship. . You might not get Glastonbury again but this wedding is a once off..

I really wouldn't blame your friends for being deeply hurt.. I agree rip the plaster off now but don't blame her if she cools on you.
. For those who saying she wouldn't be a true friend if she did this... Well, the exact same can be said for op..

None of my closest friends would have done this..

But op I do understand!!

.

None of my closest friends would book their wedding for the same weekend and still expect me to go if I had a ticket!
AgrippinaT · 04/09/2021 14:47

Glastonbury. Weddings are dull af. Even if it is your best mate.

Squiz81 · 04/09/2021 14:48

Some of the people we invited to our wedding couldn’t make it as they had holidays already booked - it wasn’t a problem - I wouldn’t dream of expecting them to cancel a holiday. This is no different. Go to Glastonbury!

thingymaboob · 04/09/2021 14:48

Definitely Glastonbury. Without a doubt.

anon12345678901 · 04/09/2021 14:50

Glasto for sure.
People saying wedding and that they wouldn't understand if one of their guests had chosen a festival over the wedding, are you always so self-centered? Do you think guest should have to cancel any type of event for your wedding or is it simply because you don't enjoy festivals?
It's not a snub to say no to a wedding and if someone tried to give me the guilt trip if I couldn't attend or ghosted me afterwards, I'd think they did me a favour.

MakkaPakkas · 04/09/2021 14:50

Depends on how close you are. If a close mate did that to me I would think they didn't value my friendship much and consequently probably not spend so much time/ effort on the friendship in future.
If you are not so close then it doesn't matter so much. I've missed a wedding to go to something more fun before but I didn't know the couple (husband's friend) and we also lied and said we had to go to a family wedding so it didn't seem so flippant (well my DH lied)

HeronLanyon · 04/09/2021 14:51

If a friend of mine ended our friendship because I had already made Unchangeable precious and expensive plans then I would want nothing to do with her. A shame but I simply couldn’t be a close friend with someone so self absorbed. As for the ‘then I would expect my good friend to be there’ actual chills went down my spine. Bloody hell.

LavendulaAngustifolia · 04/09/2021 14:51

It's just a festival. If you are that 'good' a friend then I'd expect you to be at my wedding. Maybe OP needs to clarify how close she is with this person.

To you it's just a festival. To some a wedding I just a contact signing.

LavendulaAngustifolia · 04/09/2021 14:52

*contract

OldTinHat · 04/09/2021 14:53

Oh and for the record, my birthday always falls around the August bank holiday. This year was a milestone birthday (I mean half a century milestone!!), I travelled three hours to stay with my parents to celebrate with my family but didn't see my sister at all because she had festival tickets for the weekend! A wedding is just a party at the end of the day, there will always be parties!

HeronLanyon · 04/09/2021 14:54

Congrats oldtinhat

TurquoiseDragon · 04/09/2021 14:54

If it's a very close friend, wedding should take precedence.

Then the bride should have checked out the dates before settling on one. It wouldn't surprise me if other friends are also attending Glastonbury.

OP's trip to the festival is akin to a holiday, and I wouldn't expect people to cancel a holiday to attend a wedding, no matter how close we are. If I wanted certain people at my wedding, I would check the dates before booking anything. Onus is on the bride here to check the dates.

OP, go to Glastonbury.

OldTinHat · 04/09/2021 14:54

Thank you @Heron - I never thought I'd make 50!!

RantyAunty · 04/09/2021 14:55

Go to Glastonbury and have fun!
Weddings are boring and outdated.

HeronLanyon · 04/09/2021 14:55

I’m further on and no idea how any of it happened !

OldTinHat · 04/09/2021 14:56

@Heron you've made me laugh! We get old but not older inside!

m0therofdragons · 04/09/2021 14:57

Depends on the friend. We got married reading festival weekend and 3 friends didn’t come because of that. 5 years later 2 of them apologised and said they were sorry to miss our wedding. I didn’t worry about it as it was one day and we’ve been married 17 years. They prioritised the festival and that was their choice. I understood that my wedding was my priority but didn’t expect it to be anyone else’s as a default.

myotherusernameistaken · 04/09/2021 14:57

If you are that 'good' a friend then I'd expect you to be at my wedding

@KatherineJaneway

Wow. You actually expect people to come to your wedding just because they are invited?

What if they couldn't afford it?
What if they had childcare issues?
What if they had already paid a large amount of money for a holiday?
What if they just didn't want to?

StrongerThanA90sTrend · 04/09/2021 14:59

YANBU to go to the glasto. If had been sitting on glasto tickets for that long, there is no way I'd give them up!

I've been waiting to go see my favourite artist since covid too, it's now next year. If my friend booked their wedding on that day, I'd go to my concert. I'd feel bad, but it is what it is. Luckily for me there is no chance of that as it's a Monday, and my wedding the weekend before 😆

Driftingblue · 04/09/2021 15:00

I despise music festivals.
I still think you should attend Glastonbury.

This is an event that was already on your schedule. It also isn’t easy to reschedule.

If your attendance was essential at the wedding , she would have checked the date with you before booking.

MaudBaileysGreenTurban · 04/09/2021 15:01

If you are that 'good' a friend then I'd expect you to be at my wedding

Wow.

Why is MN so utterly batshit about weddings? It baffles me. They are really not that big a deal to most people (and I only got married myself 5 weeks ago!)