To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

[Campingcarryon]

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

100% Glastonbury! If I were your friend I’d be telling you to skip my wedding and have an amazing time and probably be jealous I wasn’t going myself

And I texted that as someone who gave up a weeks trial (lawyer) and travelled 300 miles a few weeks back to go to an all day midweek wedding. But here you actually are otherwise engaged at something put off for three years which you can’t just shift around. I actually can’t imagine anyone not understanding.

This is a question for those of you saying she should go to the wedding.

If the OP said a booked and paid for holiday instead of Glastonbury would you say the same thing??

Glastonbury is my holiday!

Honestly weddings are boring and unless you are a bridesmaid or similar you will barely even speak to the bride for most of the day. I'd go to Glastonbury. Sorry I know that sounds awful but I've been to so many weddings any rarely enjoyed myself or spent time with the couple. I think they are a big waste of time and money and I include my own in that statement

Glastonbury 100%. So much better than any wedding!

Unless it's your best mate, Glasto 100%

But agree you need to tell her ASAP

I would text 'so sorry X but I am away from date to date so won't be able to make it. Let me know if you stream it and I'll take you out when I get back to celebrate!'

Op I really feel for you!!
I've had a vaguely similar dilemma before..... But.. I have to say this will probably cost the friendship.
. You might not get Glastonbury again but this wedding is a once off..

I really wouldn't blame your friends for being deeply hurt.. I agree rip the plaster off now but don't blame her if she cools on you.
. For those who saying she wouldn't be a true friend if she did this... Well, the exact same can be said for op..

None of my closest friends would have done this..

But op I do understand!!

.

titsywoo that really made me laugh. I agree - it’s often a real duty call. For me I absolutely loved two weddings I’ve been to. Been ‘honoured’ to be at all but they’re not really my cup of tea.

@godmum56 ah, makes sense

Glastonbury as it is pre booked.

@user1487194234

Entirely your shout Personally I would go to the wedding but I don't like upsetting people x

But you are OK with upsetting yourself?

How much of your life do you spend doing stuff that you don't want to do just so that nobody is upset?

What if the bride subsequently found out that you had missed out on a fabulous opportunity to do something that you had been looking forward to for so long (and lost money on)? Is that not upsetting too?

If she's a really close friend, I think it's a bit off choosing to go to Glastonbury. And I said that as someone who really enjoys going to Glastonbury and weddings.

Glasto without a doubt weddings are really dull mostly. Its not like you will get to spend the day with her chatting or anything. she will be too wrapped up in her day (rightfully so)
Send a lovely card and present and wish them well. but your absence from her wedding wont make or break the day

Would you really expect a friend to give up tickets they'd spend several hundreds pounds on just to attend your wedding?!

It's just a festival. If you are that 'good' a friend then I'd expect you to be at my wedding. Maybe OP needs to clarify how close she is with this person.

I don't blame you but I don't think you can go without her being offended. I would go with a breezy 'Oh no, I'm sorry I have a date clash - my much postponed and much looked forward to Glastonbury tickets are for that weekend and will never forgive me if we lose our money on these because the chances of us getting tickets again are tiny. I am so sorry I can't come and please can we book a date for me to take you out for a slap up meal before the big day? '

@Tlollj

Go to her wedding.

Or tell her you'll go to her next one! (only joking behore anyone jumps down my throat).

If you were my friend I'd tell you to go to glasto and then be secretly jealous on my own wedding day that you had glasto tickets and I didn't

@KatherineJaneway

Would you really expect a friend to give up tickets they'd spend several hundreds pounds on just to attend your wedding?!

It's just a festival. If you are that 'good' a friend then I'd expect you to be at my wedding. Maybe OP needs to clarify how close she is with this person.

But it’s not just a festival for many people, it’s their holiday. Would you say the same if it was a holiday that was prebooked?

My oldest and best friend had tickets for Glastonbury this year when I got married and I’d have absolutely insisted she go there instead of coming to the wedding had it been on. Weddings are about 12 hours long maximum and the bride usually has to do the rounds of everyone there. There’s no way a five-day festival that’s hard to get tickets for should come second to anyone’s wedding.

I think you need to deal with this really tactfully but explain that the tickets are like gold dust, that you've been trying to get them for ten years and finally have, that you're going for a full five days and have been waiting 3 yrs for the opportunity!

I think she needs to fully understand just how important this event is for you. Because the vast majority of people just wouldn't get it.

Having said that it's no different to a pre booked holiday. Would she expect you to cancel that?

It really depends on the friend. Some would be incredibly hurt and others more understanding.

I think it's really about how you present this to her. You don't want her to feel you're gaffing her off for some inconsequential event.

Even if you were my best mate I would understand if you went to Glasto, in fact in the case of my best mate I’d be slightly jealous I was at my wedding and not there.

I had two good friends unable to come to my wedding due to pre booked holidays. We are still friends many years later because I’m not a dick who thinks other people’s lives revolve around me.

@MyDcAreMarvel

Resentful, happy place etc. You really aren’t able to put others before yourself are you op?

🙄

But if they are really close then I’d expect the bride to be to say “bloody hell op I had no idea it was that weekend, of course you have to go - you’ve been waiting three years !’ I can’t imagine a single close friend of mine behaving differently.
Op has already booked something really expensive and important to her. Why on earth does a later wedding invite require her to change plans - she could choose to but she certainly shouldn’t in my view.

@KatherineJaneway

Would you really expect a friend to give up tickets they'd spend several hundreds pounds on just to attend your wedding?!

It's just a festival. If you are that 'good' a friend then I'd expect you to be at my wedding. Maybe OP needs to clarify how close she is with this person.

You’d really be okay with a friend writing off a significant sum of money to attend your wedding announced after they’d already committed to it?

The fact it’s a festival is irrelevant really, it’s an event that’s important and is difficult and expensive to gain access to, it wouldn’t matter if it was an annual cockle lovers convention if it was important to that person.

Glastonbury, 100%. Reasons:

1. It was arranged before the wedding.
2. You’ll probably have more fun, in all honesty.
3. Getting tickets is incredibly difficult - I’ve managed it once in 15 attempts.