To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

[Campingcarryon]

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

I missed Download, which was being headlined by my favourite band, for a friend’s wedding a few years ago. She pleaded and cried for me to go and I gave in..

Hardly spoke to her all day, was bored out of mind, the music was dreadful and I hardly knew anyone except friend.

Top it all off 8 months later they separated and filed for divorce 🤷🏻‍♀️. Still wish I’d gone to Download and I don’t even really see her much now she’s moved away with a new man.

GO TO GLASTONBURY

It's just a festival. If you are that 'good' a friend then I'd expect you to be at my wedding.

It's not just a festival, it's a holiday as well, and costs accordingly.

Bride should have been checking in with people before picking a date, especially in June next year, a peak holiday time.

I've already booked a holiday for next year, and I know many people who have done the same. Loads of people who have missed or have had to re-arrange holidays will be trying to get them in next year.

Any bride who plans a wedding for next year and who doesn't check in with those she wants at her wedding is likely to find people declining in favour of their already existing plans.

We didn't have a holiday last year, or this year, so I have zero intention of cancelling next year's holiday even for a close friend's wedding.

Weddings are dull affairs - I would book root canal work rather than attend a wedding.
Lots of hanging around and pretending to look delighted to attend- wearing spanx, uncomfortable shoes and a fixed grin.

If shes a good friend then she would have known you have glasto tickets.

Id tell her " gutted youre holding your wedding on glastonbury weekend as youve been waiting so long for this. I really hope we can do something else to celebrate your wedding either before or after"

@IWasBornInAThunderstorm

And Glastonbury is the festival of all festivals

I'm a Downloader so would have to argue with that.

But given Glasto is important to the OP and tickets are hard to come by - plus she had them before the wedding was even arranged - I'd plump for the festival.

Glastonbury.
You have waited a long time and got the tickets first. You also have your lovely camper van ( envy as always wanted one )
If you went tothe wedding you would hate it and would resent not being at Glastonbury. If you go to it will you give the wedding a thought?
Just tell your friend sorry but you have a prior engagement.
Enjoy and don't feel remotely guilty.

Wow. You actually expect people to come to your wedding just because they are invited?

If you are that close a friend and I'd given you ample notice then yes. I'd expect a close friend to be there over a bunch of tents and Coldplay singing in the distance.

To you it's just a festival. To some a wedding I just a contact signing.

Exactly my point. If you think listening to a band in a field in a festival is more important than my wedding, then we are not as close as I had thought. Priorities.

If you are that 'good' a friend then I'd expect you to be at my wedding.

'Good' friends don't place this weight of obligation on others.

Complete no brainer, go to Glastonbury!!! How would you feel in 10 years' time about memories of that weekend/5 days? On the one hand you could look back on 5 days of glorious fun at G, maybe the biggest party this decade, as a PP said, bands you'll only see once in a lifetime, or memories of turning up to a one day wedding, hanging about drinking warm champagne and making small talk in pretty dresses? You know the answer, just tell her now. I would honestly rather lose the friend if she got arsey about you missing the wedding. And no way should you try and do both, completely bonkers. If people don't get how special G is, then sod them, this is your special time, grab it with both hands, don't let go and have a fanastic time!

The bride and groom should have factored in 10% of invites being a “sorry will can’t attend”. It’s very rare for everyone to RSVP yes and often just one of couple might attend if they have young children

(It’s increasenly rare for everyone to RSVP at all, but that’s a different matter).

So don’t worry. Not that I think you’ll change your mind anyway.

If you've already booked the tickets then your friend shouldn't expect you to lose money. It similar to having already booked a holiday .

@seaandsandcastles

I think YABU and selfish. Barring a pandemic, Glastonbury happens every year. This wedding will only happen once and she’s your friend.

This

Under the circumstances, I'd go to Glastonbury.

If she's really a close friend, she'll understand.

If not, you'll have already pissed her off by mentioning it, so just keep your plans and go to the festival.

@KatherineJaneway

Would you really expect a friend to give up tickets they'd spend several hundreds pounds on just to attend your wedding?!

It's just a festival. If you are that 'good' a friend then I'd expect you to be at my wedding. Maybe OP needs to clarify how close she is with this person.

Really??

You would "expect" someone to change pre-existing plans to attend your wedding??

How self absorbed is that? A wedding is important to the people getting married, but rarely that important to the guests.

I know it's said a lot on here but An invite to a wedding is just that - an invite not a summons.

YANBU, go to your prior engagement. I agree with sending the 'shit, just realised it's glasto that weekend' text asap though, as in now. Then update us immediately

wow Bridezilla fest!

A wedding is important to the people getting married, but rarely that important to the guests.

Then my point stands that this person clearly isn't a close friend.

Also, presumably you are going to Glastonbury with someone? You wouldn't want to let them down. You've booked to go, and so you should. If you were my friend and I was the getting married, I definitely wouldn't mind!
Would those who don't agree, cancel a booked holiday to the Maldives?

@KatherineJaneway

A wedding is important to the people getting married, but rarely that important to the guests.

Then my point stands that this person clearly isn't a close friend.

Weddings are only an excuse for a party, even for close friends. It's actually being very self absorbed to imagine one's wedding is that important.

When I was a young woman growing up I was taught that you always attended the first engagement you were invited to/agreed to go to. It was consiered very bad manners to drop something you had aready made arrangements for even if something more desirable came up. I assume there are other people in your party for the festival so you would be letting them down if you ducked out. So there is nothing wrong with the excuse that you have a "previous engagement" which in this case is completely true.

@KatherineJaneway

A wedding is important to the people getting married, but rarely that important to the guests.

Then my point stands that this person clearly isn't a close friend.

It's rarely that important to close friends as it is to the bride and groom. A decent bride and groom would realise that their wedding isn't the be all and end all of their friends lives. And would anticipate that some won't attend and that has no reflection on how close their friendship is.

And certainly not so important that all previously arranged things need to get scrapped just to attend.

We have been invited to 2 weddings on the same day. One a close friend of mine and the other a close family member of my partner. It certainly wasn't a reflection of the lack of close relationship when we couldn't attend one.

Weddings are only an excuse for a party, even for close friends. It's actually being very self absorbed to imagine one's wedding is that important.

Beats me why anyone would want people to be at their wedding under duress. In the offline world I've never seen so much angst about issuing, accepting or declining wedding invitations. If you have prior commitments at the time the wedding is being held, that's that. If bride and groom don't issue a +1, fine.

Where's the reason for taking gratuitous offence? I'm not seeing it.

@BitOfANameChange

I totally agree with you.

I actually can't believe people would be so self absorbed that they expect attendance to their wedding especially if the invitee has already got plans. So selfish.

Weddings are so expensive to attend. There should never be an obligation.

@KatherineJaneway

Wow. You actually expect people to come to your wedding just because they are invited?

If you are that close a friend and I'd given you ample notice then yes. I'd expect a close friend to be there over a bunch of tents and Coldplay singing in the distance.

To you it's just a festival. To some a wedding I just a contact signing.

Exactly my point. If you think listening to a band in a field in a festival is more important than my wedding, then we are not as close as I had thought. Priorities.

But what if that close friend already had a holiday of a lifetime booked for the date you picked?

Should they cancel it, lose all the money and deprive their partner/children of their much anticipated holiday?

What if they had already accepted an invitation to another wedding - perhaps of a sibling/child?

What if they weren't able to get time off work/would have to take unpaid leave?

Priorities.

I'm getting married next year..l absolutely would not care if my friends couldn't come for whatever reason.
We live far from most friends and family as we chose to move so l expect quite a few to decline due to distance and cost of hotels..at the end of the day the wedding is for me and my partner. I wouldn't be upset if people decline the invitation.