Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:
annacondom · 05/09/2021 21:08

You're really excited about Glastonbury and I think you'd have to have a change of mindset in order to switch to going to the wedding without resenting it. So go to Glasto. But you have chosen Glasto over her, however you look at it. I missed my best friend's wedding because I made a similar decision to you. She posted pics of it on her anniversary recently and I felt funny for not being there. I wish I'd been part of her day. But there you go - if I'd gone I would've missed the other thing. So I'll just say - do something special with your friend to show that you do realise how important this day is to her.

myheartskippedabeat · 05/09/2021 21:13

To be honest It wouldn't matter if it was Glastonbury or a holiday or a hen do or you have theatre tickets

You already have plans that weekend - end of discussion

Lightisnotwhite · 05/09/2021 21:19

@PivotPivotPivottt

What is wrong with putting yourself first though seriously? Why are other people more important than ourselves? Why should OP prioritise her friend over herself? If that's the case then shouldn't the friend be prioritising OP's happiness over her own?
Why bother inviting anyone to a wedding really? It’s always lots of expense, everyone has busy lives and lots of people have said weddings are shit. I guess it depends on the wedding but I live that they are little bits of social history. Those wedding photos are fabulous to look at 20/30/40 years later literally because it’s all the friends and family together.

Obviously Glasto and holidays will also have amazing photos but they are generally insular in comparison. My mum and dad met at the Isle of Wight Festival ( Hendrix one) and have no photos of themselves there or at their tiny wedding soon after. But the photos of them at other peoples weddings are amazingly nostalgic. Compared to the ones where they are doing something cool ( they were pretty cool) but surrounded by randoms.

Toomuchtrouble4me · 05/09/2021 21:19

Tell her soon that you have booked the festival. It’s fine if you tell her nice and early.

FirewomanSam · 05/09/2021 21:22

What is wrong with putting yourself first though seriously? Why are other people more important than ourselves? Why should OP prioritise her friend over herself? If that's the case then shouldn't the friend be prioritising OP's happiness over her own?

This. I’m genuinely shocked at how many people would seemingly not only expect a friend to cancel long-awaited, important plans for their wedding, but would actually be angry if they didn’t and would reconsider the friendship.

And again, all this talk of looking back at wedding photos and it being so important who was there is making me really sad, as someone who basically couldn’t have anyone at mine Sad But I’ll make plenty of other memories with my friends and so will OP.

Concestor · 05/09/2021 21:28

@HugeAckmansWife

zurala she hasn't been for 10 years ecause it's so incredibly hard to get tickets.. Have you read ANY of the thread??
I read the whole thing. How can something be your favourite if you've never experienced it? It can't.
ElizaDarcysDeeds · 05/09/2021 21:32

It's also not that difficult to get tickets so yy it's hilarious for OP (at 47 Hmm ) to claim Glastonbury is her favourite thing ever when she usually doesn't bother going Grin

ForTheTamini · 05/09/2021 21:33

She has experienced it before, just not in the last ten years.

MsTSwift · 05/09/2021 21:35

Sorry but if several friends of the couple are those that value going to Glastonbury it’s a daft choice of date.

clary · 05/09/2021 21:35

@ElizaDarcysDeeds

It's also not that difficult to get tickets so yy it's hilarious for OP (at 47 Hmm ) to claim Glastonbury is her favourite thing ever when she usually doesn't bother going Grin
Have you read the comments? How 135,000 tickets sold in less than an hour with 2.4m ppl trying to buy one?

Op you should have said it was a holiday in the Maldives, then no one would have been so snooty about muddy fields.

Requestit · 05/09/2021 21:36

You’ve already made your decision… you shouldn’t need others validation

TurquoiseDragon · 05/09/2021 21:38

I think despite your protestations about age you are younger than me. I really struggle that an event is more important than a good friend's wedding. But appreciate that is probably my age. I've traveled all over the country and world to be at a friend's wedding.

Whooppie doo for you. I'm 53, and this has nothing to do with age. I was always taught that you stick with the first event booked, and in this case it's Glastonbury, with friends, for what appears to be a special year. With tickets booked waaaay before the OP's friend booked a wedding date. It's not just a festival.

OP's friend should have been checking dates with the people she deemed important to have present at the wedding.

ElizaDarcysDeeds · 05/09/2021 21:47

It's not about being snooty about muddy fields. I go to festivals every year and have a group of friends who do the same. We all have different favourites. But I genuinely don't know anyone who likes Glastonbury who struggles to get tickets.

ShowMeTheSugar · 05/09/2021 21:52

zurala she says its the first time in 10 years she's gotten tickets, not the first time ever. That the OP has clearly said she loves it there is a pretty clear indicator that she's managed to go previously. The thing is, with the line ups, sets, artists and themes changing it's the kind of thing some people would go to every year its on if they could.

ElizaDarcysDeeds I've found it really hard to get tickets (twice in 15 years, the second being as staff). What's your approach? Seems like you or your friends might know a few tricks?

toomuchlaundry · 05/09/2021 21:56

Do some people on here think they are so important that other people have to put their lives on hold to attend their wedding day, and if they don't they won't be friends with them any more? That is a huge sense of entitlement

spongedog · 05/09/2021 21:57

@TurquoiseDragon

I think despite your protestations about age you are younger than me. I really struggle that an event is more important than a good friend's wedding. But appreciate that is probably my age. I've traveled all over the country and world to be at a friend's wedding.

Whooppie doo for you. I'm 53, and this has nothing to do with age. I was always taught that you stick with the first event booked, and in this case it's Glastonbury, with friends, for what appears to be a special year. With tickets booked waaaay before the OP's friend booked a wedding date. It's not just a festival.

OP's friend should have been checking dates with the people she deemed important to have present at the wedding.

And as I have said I am not sure this is that strong a friendship.

When I got married (2000) I dont think we checked anyone else's dates. Has anyone ever checked dates with you? No me neither (although my DC better. Is this now a thing - checking dates?)

But Glastonbury and any other festival always will be JUST a festival. Because that is all it is - a festival.

Bertiebiscuit · 05/09/2021 21:58

YANBU - She must know that some her friends would be going to glasto - so she can't be shocked that you have a ticket and are definitely going - go with what you want - weddings are not always all that much fun for the guests

ElizaDarcysDeeds · 05/09/2021 22:02

@ShowMeTheSugar

zurala she says its the first time in 10 years she's gotten tickets, not the first time ever. That the OP has clearly said she loves it there is a pretty clear indicator that she's managed to go previously. The thing is, with the line ups, sets, artists and themes changing it's the kind of thing some people would go to every year its on if they could.

ElizaDarcysDeeds I've found it really hard to get tickets (twice in 15 years, the second being as staff). What's your approach? Seems like you or your friends might know a few tricks?

YY I guess we do know how to get tickets because we regularly go to festivals, we've built up lots of contacts and connections. That was my point. If you're someone who loves Glastonbury as much as the OP is claiming to, then you do build up connections and contacts, and you snag tickets.
SpamThief · 05/09/2021 22:02

But Glastonbury and any other festival always will be JUST a festival. Because that is all it is - a festival.

And the wedding will be just another wedding. Unless you're the bride or groom weddings are nice, lovely, can be great fun, but they're someone else's big day. Not the guests'.

toomuchlaundry · 05/09/2021 22:04

@spongedog and a wedding is just a wedding, unless you are the B&G and their close family. What excuse would some people allow for people to decline a wedding invitation and not strike off their friendship. What happens if they just decline without giving a reason, do you quiz them to check whether they have a reasonable excuse?

Heartofglass12345 · 05/09/2021 22:04

My own Nan didn't come to my wedding as she had a weekend booked away with a club that she's in and my auntie said she might not be here much longer to be able to go, that was 8 years ago and she's just turned 90 lol

I think she might rearrange the date if so many people can't go, we just picked ours randomly

billy1966 · 05/09/2021 22:04

@JonSnowIsALoser

I hope you go to Glasto without feeling guilty and enjoy it. You booked it first, your friend chose a silly date for the wedding, I hope she won't make a big fuss over it.

Weddings are massively overrated anyway.

Word for word.

You booked it first and have absolutely NOTHING to feel guilty about.

If it was a holiday away there would be no discussion so I fail to see the difference.

A once in a donkeys year chance of getting tickets and a wedding are not in the same ball park.

Bard6817 · 05/09/2021 22:10

Go to Glasto.

Glastonbury would be my worst nightmare, whether it be the mud, the traffic, the rain, the drugs, the toilets…..

But if you gotta go, you gotta go.

YANBU.

Have fun.

Thehouseofmarvels · 05/09/2021 22:10

If it would be me I would book 2 exta nights in Sommerset, and simply say, I have a weeks holiday booked. Go to the seaside closet to Glasto or something nice. If you simply say it is a holiday and do not go into any details its a non issue. If she asks where you can simply say a week in Sommerset.

SleepingStandingUp · 05/09/2021 22:17

I think YABU and selfish. Barring a pandemic, Glastonbury happens every year. This wedding will only happen once and she’s your friend. Alternative years now isn't it?
Op said she's a good friend so I'm sure she understands how big an issue this is. If someone said ah i can't come, i want to go to Bloodstock I'd be a bit 🙄 but for Glastonbury it's a different ballgame