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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:
Fleshmechanic · 05/09/2021 19:42

For me it's either you go to the wedding or lose your friend. And it sounds like you're not very good friends anyway so maybe spare them wasting anymore effort on you and just go to the festival.

Yorkshiretolondon · 05/09/2021 19:50

Omg no offence but no competition. …. Glasto all the way! If it were my wedding I’d go glasto too!

FreyaW · 05/09/2021 19:54

Go to Glastonbury!
If we've learned anything through this shit show..it's that time is precious and short. Do what pleases you. You're not being selfish..and if she thinks you are..well feck her. 😁
Have a ball!

bocodilloconqueso · 05/09/2021 19:55

@Fleshmechanic

For me it's either you go to the wedding or lose your friend. And it sounds like you're not very good friends anyway so maybe spare them wasting anymore effort on you and just go to the festival.
Would you say the same if it was a non-refundable week abroad (or even a non-refundable week at Centreparcs)?
notoldjustpastyoung · 05/09/2021 19:56

To be honest I would have accepted and if I wanted to go to Glastonbury so badly, would have lied. Made up something that you had to attend like another wedding. The bride is going to feel really upset at being turned down for a concert.

Greenmarmalade · 05/09/2021 19:58

You should choose your friend’s wedding.

dapsnotplimsolls · 05/09/2021 20:03

@Greenmarmalade

You should choose your friend’s wedding.
Too late!
MiddleParking · 05/09/2021 20:05

@notoldjustpastyoung

To be honest I would have accepted and if I wanted to go to Glastonbury so badly, would have lied. Made up something that you had to attend like another wedding. The bride is going to feel really upset at being turned down for a concert.
How would that help?
TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 05/09/2021 20:05

For me it's either you go to the wedding or lose your friend.

So you think anyone that can’t attend should he dropped as a friend. Right.

ConsulTremas · 05/09/2021 20:07

I genuinely can’t believe some of these comments. How self-absorbed do you have to be to expect someone to cancel a pre-arranged and paid for holiday (because, in effect, that’s what it is - it’s not a “concert”) just because you’ve decided your wedding is going to be on a particular date?

When we got married three good friends couldn’t make it. One had a pre-booked trip to New York at the same time, another had a pre-booked holiday, and a third lived in Thailand. Yeah, she could have flown back but why would I expect her to go to that level of expense? I’d feel awful if someone missed out on something they were looking forward and had paid for because of me.

Hoppinggreen · 05/09/2021 20:15

Glasto or any other festival not involving 4 walls and a private ensuite loo would be my worst nightmare. I wouldn’t go if I was paid to (unless it was a shit load of money)
BUT you had it booked first so of course you should go

RedToothBrush · 05/09/2021 20:19

"Im sorry ive already got prior commitments that weekend."

Covers it.

You've already booked the weekend to do something and you have committed money to it.

It doesn't matter if its Glasto and whether she approves or thinks it less important. You've already booked it.

Just don't post it all over social media!

spongedog · 05/09/2021 20:19

Interesting thread. You definitely came on here already knowing what you would do and looking for confirmation. Mostly I think you found it. Festival first as you have prior booking (and it is so hard to get tickets etc). No compromises possible.

I think despite your protestations about age you are younger than me. I really struggle that an event is more important than a good friend's wedding. But appreciate that is probably my age. I've traveled all over the country and world to be at a friend's wedding.

I would note that from my wedding (2000) that those who declined the invite for whatever good and valid reason we inevitably lost contact and friendship over time. Significant time in many cases. The same observation also applies to those who requested a plus-one (for someone we had never met or would ever meet again).

My guess is that although you talk about a close friendship - it is not as close as you might think - make your choice. But I am not sure your friendship is a life friendship. Own that and the rest follows.

SnackQueen · 05/09/2021 20:20

If a “really close friend” chose Glastonbury over my wedding they would not be a really close friend for much longer.

CrankyFrankie · 05/09/2021 20:20

You could definitely get tickets again. I know loads of people who have been for years and years running. But you gotta do what you gotta do. I probably wouldn’t forgive you!

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 20:24

@spongedog I am 47 if it’s relevant. I also mentioned earlier in thread that at my own wedding, a few people couldn’t come. I am still really good friends with them because we are adults and I recognise that everyone has busy lives. I also don’t think the universe revolves around me (not that I am saying my friend does at all) and therefore wouldn’t /didn’t dump people because they couldn’t come to my wedding

OP posts:
SpamThief · 05/09/2021 20:26

I'd definitely prioritise a longed for pre-booked holiday/event over a wedding date which was set afterwards. If this caused a friend to end our friendship that would be too bad. I'd recover.

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 20:27

@SnackQueen & @CrankyFrankie as I mentioned above, plenty of people couldn’t come to my wedding for various reasons. I am still friends with them because I am an adult and don’t drop my friends in a playground strop because they don’t do as I ask

OP posts:
JonSnowIsALoser · 05/09/2021 20:40

I hope you go to Glasto without feeling guilty and enjoy it. You booked it first, your friend chose a silly date for the wedding, I hope she won't make a big fuss over it.

Weddings are massively overrated anyway.

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 05/09/2021 20:40

@CrankyFrankie

You could definitely get tickets again. I know loads of people who have been for years and years running. But you gotta do what you gotta do. I probably wouldn’t forgive you!
Would you not forgive anyone that couldn’t make your wedding? Hmm
Plunger · 05/09/2021 20:42

Always said to children, if you have made a definite appointment/ accepted an invitation no way should you cancel if you simply because you get another offer. It's rude! Go to Glastonbury and apologise for having a previous invite/booking. No need to mention where. Enjoy.

spongedog · 05/09/2021 20:46

[quote Campingcarryon]@spongedog I am 47 if it’s relevant. I also mentioned earlier in thread that at my own wedding, a few people couldn’t come. I am still really good friends with them because we are adults and I recognise that everyone has busy lives. I also don’t think the universe revolves around me (not that I am saying my friend does at all) and therefore wouldn’t /didn’t dump people because they couldn’t come to my wedding[/quote]
I have about a decade on you and also love going to festivals, but also have a perhaps horrid sense of duty. It isnt about dumping friends - that's quite a strong step that most of us dont ever take. But weaker friendships fizzle probably due to a lack of shared interest or commitment. You are prioritising what you want to do. Come back in 5 years time and tell us about your friendship then.

LetsGoFlyAKiteee · 05/09/2021 20:48

Glad you got a reply!! And you're not the only one who has said they can't go because of Glastonbury!

PivotPivotPivottt · 05/09/2021 20:52

What is wrong with putting yourself first though seriously? Why are other people more important than ourselves? Why should OP prioritise her friend over herself? If that's the case then shouldn't the friend be prioritising OP's happiness over her own?

tigger1001 · 05/09/2021 20:54

@Fleshmechanic

For me it's either you go to the wedding or lose your friend. And it sounds like you're not very good friends anyway so maybe spare them wasting anymore effort on you and just go to the festival.
Really??

Do people really put so much value on attending a one day event? That's the yard stick for measuring friendship?

Do people really think that their wedding is so important to everyone else that others should cancel long held plans to attend?

I wouldn't want to be friends with anyone so self absorbed,

As I've said before on this thread we have been in the situation where we were invited to 2 weddings on the same day. It wasn't a measure of who was more important in our life - it was simply who we got the invite from first.

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