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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:
Buffoonborisisatwat · 05/09/2021 18:40

I'm guessing you'd rather be at Glasto than a wedding so that's what you should do. If you cancel Glasto and go to the wedding instead you'll spend the whole weekend wishing you were somewhere else, so don't do that.

ShowMeTheSugar · 05/09/2021 18:42

You keep saying Glastonbury is your favourite festival, but also that you haven't been in ten years, so how can it be?

Because tickets are ridiculously hard to get. The year OP got tickets she was one of the 135k who did...out of almost 2.5million applications. Its not like other concerts where if you get in early you'll definitely get a ticket, or where you can buy one of you're willing to pay over the odds.

Thats why the "go next year" comments are ridiculous. The festival doesn't run every year, and on the years it does run people from all over the world apply. There is absolutely no guarantee that if the OP had given up her ticket she'd have the opportunity to go again.

Buffoonborisisatwat · 05/09/2021 18:43

@Campingcarryon

To be honest, I think I would feel really resentful too knowing I could be at glasto but instead I am at a wedding 😬
This!

Weddings are only of interest to those getting married, unless you're a wedding groupie. Stick with your original plan for that weekend. She'll get over it if you don't go but you'll never forgive her if she guilts you into going to the wedding.

FirewomanSam · 05/09/2021 18:44

One of my best friends goes to Glastonbury ever year that it’s on, it’s the highlight of her year and very very important to her. She looks forward to it all year round. I’m not into festivals at all so I don’t really ‘get’ it but I get that it’s such an important part of her life. If she told me she couldn’t come to my wedding because of it, I’d 100000% understand and wouldn’t dream of asking her to miss it, and have to wait a whole year more to do something that’s really really important to her, because of my wedding. I know she has missed Glastonbury once or twice before for other friends’ weddings, because she is a good friend, but I know it made her really sad to miss it and I’d never want to put her in that position!

I’m not surprised you’re not the only one to have said this to her, and maybe she’ll even consider changing the date now.

To be honest, most weddings I’ve been invited to recently have had lots of close friends missing anyway because there’s such a backlog of other weddings, holidays, family events etc that people are catching up on, and couples have had to grab whatever date they could get and just accept that there will be some clashes!

Buffoonborisisatwat · 05/09/2021 18:45

@MyDcAreMarvel

Resentful, happy place etc. You really aren’t able to put others before yourself are you op?
Why should she. It's not a martyr competition. She has a choice and prefers Glasto.
bitteroulbag · 05/09/2021 18:48

Result!! 🎶 💃🏾

FirewomanSam · 05/09/2021 18:51

I know she has missed Glastonbury once or twice before for other friends’ weddings, because she is a good friend

Sorry OP, I read this back and realised it could sound like a dig at you which wasn’t how I meant it at all! Didn’t mean to imply you’re not a good friend if you don’t miss it, just that my friend felt she had to, but it made her sad, and as her good friend I wouldn’t want my wedding to make her sad!

Treesandsheepeverywhere · 05/09/2021 18:56

@Campingcarryon

I don’t feel quite so bad now!!!
You can't help feeling bad, but if she wanted you to be there she'd have asked you first if you were available before settling for a date. That's what dh and I did anyway. We had three weekends to choose from and asked those closest to us if they were able to attend. We then went with the date where everyone could come. Of course people could have gotten ill on the day etc but everyone we wanted there came. If she didn't put out a save the date or a feeler for dates, she can't blame people for having other plans, especially with covid disrupting everyone's plans.
RightYesButNo · 05/09/2021 19:03

@Campingcarryon

Oh god, I have had a reply and apparently I am the 3rd person to respond to her saying they have glasto tickets and can’t come 😬 Am hoping she might consider a different date now....
I’m guessing if she’s the kind of person that has that many friends going to Glastonbury, then she probably knows all about the trials and tribulations of Glasto tickets, unlike SO many people ins this thread who have said, “But the festival is held every year,” or one SPECTACULARLY brilliant commenter who said it can’t be your favorite festival since you haven’t gone in ten years, who apparently knows nothing about Glasto and not bothered to read that you haven’t been able to get tickets for ten years, because they’re so difficult to get. Probably your friend got some venue for the wedding at an extreme discount since it’s less than a year away and didn’t put two and two together that the reason why is because it’s the same weekend as the first Glasto in 3 years, and is now kicking herself.

For all those who don’t seem to understand why people have been trying to buy Glastonbury tickets for 10 years before success, here’s why. Example: for 2019, 2.4 million people attempt to buy 135,000 tickets that sell out in just 34 minutes. Considering they cost £265 and the headliner is tipped to be Paul McCartney, Taylor Swift, or Fleetwood Mac, most people consider the price a steal still since a ticket to see one of them in an arena could cost half the ticket price. And 2022 should be HUGE since 2020 (cancelled) was supposed to be the festival’s 50th anniversary: www.businessinsider.com/glastonbury-tickets-sold-out-in-34-minutes-24-million-attempts-2019-10?

bellocchild · 05/09/2021 19:05

I feel your pain. A few years ago, I had to choose between a very dear aunt's funeral or a Eurostar day out in Paris...we went to the funeral, but it was rather a wrench. We went to Paris on the next cheap offer, but it was a bit of an anticlimax.

Eddielzzard · 05/09/2021 19:07

Your glasto holiday is a previous engagement with 6 other old, close friends. No, you can't go to her wedding. If she gives you a hard time, SIBU

brokenbiscuitsx · 05/09/2021 19:07

@bellocchild

I feel your pain. A few years ago, I had to choose between a very dear aunt's funeral or a Eurostar day out in Paris...we went to the funeral, but it was rather a wrench. We went to Paris on the next cheap offer, but it was a bit of an anticlimax.
Can’t tell if being sarcastic Hmm
YDBear · 05/09/2021 19:07

You had the Glastonbury tickets first. Had she really wanted you there, she might have asked if you were booked up that weekend—especially given that people are making plans way in advance these days. I guess some people will get on my case saying it’s the availability of the venue that determines the date of the wedding these days, but I can’t help thinking if there were people I really wanted at my wedding I would sound them out about availability first. Obviously that doesn’t apply for all however many guests but I can see there being say 10 people who have to be there.

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 05/09/2021 19:08

Do people really fall out with guests that can’t make their wedding? I mean, disappointed yes, but losing them as a friend is a whole new level of dramatic. Like several replies on this thread.

Hopefully she’s rethinking the date OP!

Chris08 · 05/09/2021 19:09

Go to Glastonbury, enjoy xx

StoneofDestiny · 05/09/2021 19:15

Can't understand why some people think everything has to stop when someone else gets married. People have lives, commitments and prior engagements that can't always fall second to someone else's.

legoriakelne · 05/09/2021 19:15

@zurala

I think YABU although it's clear from your comments that you don't really care.

You keep saying Glastonbury is your favourite festival, but also that you haven't been in ten years, so how can it be?

My best friend didn't come to my wedding because of what she called a once in a lifetime opportunity to go to Dubai. I was really hurt and still am 13 years on. I wanted to share my day with my favourite people and to not have her there when actually she could go to Dubai any time (they have plenty of money) was very upsetting. I wish she was in my photos and that I had memories of her being with me on the day.

You CAN go to Glastonbury another year, it might be hard but it is possible. You will never be able to make up to her for missing her wedding when you are supposed to be what you describe as a good friend.

I can't believe you feel better because lots of her so called friends are as flaky and selfish as you. She needs to find better friends in my opinion.

I can't believe you feel better because lots of her so called friends are as flaky and selfish as you. She needs to find better friends in my opinion.

I think you might be projecting just a teeny tiny bit.

brokenbiscuitsx · 05/09/2021 19:18

You keep saying Glastonbury is your favourite festival, but also that you haven't been in ten years, so how can it be?

Maybe don’t comment on which you do not understand 🤣

BiscoffAnythingIsTheWayForward · 05/09/2021 19:18

I’m not a festival fan but I would understand and see it as an opportunity to celebrate pre-wedding if it were a close friend.

I hope she does rearrange and I was going to say when I started reading the thread that you won’t be the only one of her/their friends to have tickets to Glasto!

legoriakelne · 05/09/2021 19:21

@StoneofDestiny

Can't understand why some people think everything has to stop when someone else gets married. People have lives, commitments and prior engagements that can't always fall second to someone else's.
One can only assume they are responding based on their own egocentric worldview. Particularly in light of the examples offered to support their position.
FirewomanSam · 05/09/2021 19:22

Do people really fall out with guests that can’t make their wedding? I mean, disappointed yes, but losing them as a friend is a whole new level of dramatic. Like several replies on this thread.

Yeah… I realise my perspective is warped because I was a ‘Covid Bride’ who couldn’t have any of my friends or even some of my closest family at my wedding. I don’t want to be sanctimonious about it or play Sad Wedding Top Trumps, but yeah… the posters saying that they still feel sad looking at their wedding photos decades later because a particular friend couldn’t come, maybe get some perspective.

Robstersgirl · 05/09/2021 19:27

I ‘moved’ the date of my sons first birthday to go to Glastonbury…he was 1 and didn’t know when his birthday was. Blush

Fairnair · 05/09/2021 19:29

I would go to the wedding personally. Glastonbury may not even happen again next year. In the future if you cannot get a ticket, you always try to go the Oxfam volunteering route.

My brother was lucky & got tickets for Glasto three times running, the last time he changed his mind about going due to the acts, & relinquished the ticket. He then changed his mind as another act was announced (can’t remember who it was), & got a ticket through volunteering with Oxfam, obviously not quite as relaxing with having to do a couple of shifts, but you get your ticket price refunded, can camp on the site nearer the main stage, which had better showers & toilets, so in the end he thought it was worth it. If you apply early for the Oxfam volunteering you’ve better choice of shifts, & get do most of them before the festival starts.

Gimlisaxe · 05/09/2021 19:31

TBH Going to glastonbury would be my worse nightmare, but I think people who are planning weddings this year and next are going to find that other people have delayed holidays, delayed festivals etc, that they have been waiting for 2 years now to go, so maybe now she has a few people say they can't go because of it she may change the date.

I get people have been delaying weddings as well, so it is a tough situation all round. But if I was the OP (and liked Glastonbury) I would be going to that rather than the wedding

AtomHeartMotherOfGod · 05/09/2021 19:33

Part of me thinks she's being a bit silly to not check things like that, if she knows her friends are the type who'd go. We checked major sporting and other fixtures when setting our date.

Anyway as others have said, you're already busy. That can't be helped and she would be unreasonable to ask you to cancel your tickets.