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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:

BrownBrownHi · 05/09/2021 15:25

Meh, go to Glastonbury

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/09/2021 15:43

You've been honest and upfront with your friend and responded as soon as you found out.
It doesn't matter if its Glasto (although that is slightly more persuasive than Car Fest soz or if its a week's holiday that you had to wait 3 years for. You've booked something with others on those dates long before she announced her wedding date.
I've had this dilemma myself in the past, I had to miss a wedding because of something DH booked and he refused to cancel. At least we didn't accept, let the bride pay for our places and then just not turn up as some people did to us.

We applied for G tickets for the last five years and didn't get them!
So I really hope you go and enjoy it.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 05/09/2021 15:48

I mean for the last five years in which you could make applications. Five times - obvs its all been upside down since then.

cookingisoverrated · 05/09/2021 15:52

Other peoples' weddings do not trump everything and nor should they.

Enjoy the festival you'll have been waiting 3 years to attend by the time it finally goes ahead.

LetsGoFlyAKiteee · 05/09/2021 16:00

And just because you got tickets this time doesn't mean will next time especially after the rolling over so many time..not exactly easy to get for most.

coffeecup88 · 05/09/2021 16:05

Go to Glastonbury if you want to but I would expect the decision to do some serious damage to your friendship

Ginseng1 · 05/09/2021 16:11

[quote Campingcarryon]@RubySlippers123 but why aren’t the other people the issue either? It seems to be that weddings come above anything else on mumsnet- as I already said, if it was a week in the Seychelles instead would people be so clear that I had to go to the wedding? I am still letting people down as I have arranged to spend 5 days with them at a festival which is also a holiday - I still have to take annual leave to go etc. Why do weddings trump everything and everyone else?[/quote]
100% this. You've essentially booked a 5 day holiday with a group of friends. If you back out you let them down too. Some people just don't 'get' festivals at all!! We've tiks for electric picnic next yr rolled over since 2020. We go with a group of old friends we only see couple times a year (& not at all during pandemic) & quite honestly there wouldn't be a wedding in the world I'd give it up for especially next year!!!

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 05/09/2021 16:13

Except Glastonbury is an annual event so there will be other times to go, even if it's a few years away

The OP said she’s spent the best part of a decade trying to get tickets. Glastonbury is not ‘just’ a festival, to people who go or have been. I appreciate that not everyone likes festivals but it means a lot to the OP and the friends she’s going with, I imagine! It’s 5 days and costs almost £250 per ticket, that’s a lot of money to lose.

NatashaRf · 05/09/2021 16:13

I hate the idea of any festival and Glasto is my idea of hell.

But I would 100% not be pissed if someone couldn't come to my wedding due to it. Especially next year.

I (like anyone) know how special it is for people and how hard to get tickets.

Tinpotspectator · 05/09/2021 16:32

It is a pre-existing engagement. Do that.

Janaih · 05/09/2021 16:42

I missed my friends wedding to watch the Euro football final on tv. No regrets.
You would be a mad fool to give up a Glastonbury ticket.
I didn't mind people declining my wedding invitation for any reason, as long as they did so in plenty of time. The only person I was really bothered about was dh.

StillUpholding · 05/09/2021 16:50

I actually did miss a close friend’s wedding for
Glastonbury (I’d also had the tickets before being invited to the wedding). I let her know straight away, apologised, sent a gift, a text on the morning, and met up with her afterwards to hear all about it. She understood and all was fine.

My cousin missed my wedding for a festival. I was a little bit disappointed when she told me because I love her and enjoy her company, but I understood and all was fine.

In our friendship group and in my family we all understand that everyone has separate lives. We all make the effort for each other, support each other as much as we can, and don’t say hurtful things or betray each other. However there is absolutely no obligation for any of us to do anything we don’t want to do. If someone has alternative plans then there is no issue.

Hope your friend is ok about it OP, and I’m so jealous you have tickets (I’ve managed twice in 10 years and once was when I was heavily pregnant and booking them for someone else ).

MaudBaileysGreenTurban · 05/09/2021 16:54

If you've been Glastonbury before I'd go to your friends wedding if I were you and just look forward to it the year after

This is absolutely not how it works.

OP, I hope she behaves like an actual friend and completely understands why you're declining her invite, and I hope you have an amazing time at Glastonbury. I am terribly envious

Genegenieee · 05/09/2021 17:20

I think you've had quite a hard time from posters on this thread but maybe that's partly because you had sort of made up your mind, and didn't really seem that in that much of a quandary. Mumsnet never gives an easy ride to those validation!

I think having read through it all that neither you or bride see it as integral that you be there - she wd have checked with you first if it was that impo I think. You wd change plans if she was that impo to you (ie best / closest circle of friends)

I hope Glastonbury goes ahead and is as good as you hope it will be - I went to the last one having not been since late 80s and 90s. Perhaps last time was 2002. Oh my god what a shock, it had changed more than I could have imagined. Still had a great time but it wasn't like Glastonbury of old. It's not that it was "commercial", it was just a bit too slick I suppose. Showing my age no doubt 👵🏻

RazorSharp · 05/09/2021 17:20

@Janaih

I missed my friends wedding to watch the Euro football final on tv. No regrets. You would be a mad fool to give up a Glastonbury ticket. I didn't mind people declining my wedding invitation for any reason, as long as they did so in plenty of time. The only person I was really bothered about was dh.

I'd have devastated at missing at wedding for that...... but then I'm a Tottenham fan and I'm guessing you might be Liverpool of Chelsea?

RazorSharp · 05/09/2021 17:21

*or

tinglymint · 05/09/2021 17:26

@MaudBaileysGreenTurban

If you've been Glastonbury before I'd go to your friends wedding if I were you and just look forward to it the year after

This is absolutely not how it works.

OP, I hope she behaves like an actual friend and completely understands why you're declining her invite, and I hope you have an amazing time at Glastonbury. I am terribly envious

Just saying what I'd do in this situation. If it was my very close friend I'd personally choose her wedding over Glastonbury. I've been to festivals before. Yes they're lots of fun and live music is brilliant but I'd like to be there for my friends wedding. Obviously lots of people disagree and that's fine.

CP26 · 05/09/2021 17:30

Did your friend respond OP?

CecilyP · 05/09/2021 17:34

Go to Glastonbury if you want to but I would expect the decision to do some serious damage to your friendship

Why? A good friend of ours didn’t come to our wedding because her ex boyfriend would be there. I was a bit disappointed and felt she was being daft but it didn’t change our friendship one jot.

Genegenieee · 05/09/2021 17:37

"Did your friend respond OP?"

Did OP not call her friend to say she couldn't come? If so, that's bloody rude given ages described her as a close friend

Genegenieee · 05/09/2021 17:38

Ages = she

Original poster

Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 17:40

Oh god, I have had a reply and apparently I am the 3rd person to respond to her saying they have glasto tickets and can’t come 😬 Am hoping she might consider a different date now....

OP posts:

RazorSharp · 05/09/2021 17:41

@Campingcarryon

Oh god, I have had a reply and apparently I am the 3rd person to respond to her saying they have glasto tickets and can’t come 😬 Am hoping she might consider a different date now....

Result!

icedcoffees · 05/09/2021 17:42

@Campingcarryon

Oh god, I have had a reply and apparently I am the 3rd person to respond to her saying they have glasto tickets and can’t come 😬 Am hoping she might consider a different date now....

At least you're not the only one!

Original poster

Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 17:44

I don’t feel quite so bad now!!!

OP posts:

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