To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

[Campingcarryon]

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

@Campingcarryon I think you've made the right decision and hope you have the time of your life!
I had a festival booked for a very good friends wedding, was going with family and had been booked for about 6 months. I let my friend know as soon as I was invited and she was absolutely fine about it. Disappointed yes, but she understood and our friendship is just the same as it was.

If you are a really close friend she should have checked the date with you - Glasto is a longed for holiday - and we all need to prioritise those. Tell her now - describe it as your holiday rather than just a festival (because a lot of people don’t get it) and if she wants to change the date she can.

If she’s a good rather than a great friend, then same thing - but I wouldn’t have expected her to tell me in advance.

@Campingcarryon

It wouldn’t be such a difficult thing if I knew I could easily get glasto tickets again but they are like rocking horse shit and I might never have the chance in my life again. But obviously the wedding is a once in a lifetime thing too 🙈

Go to Glastonbury. We used to go when it was tiny and just one field when we were teenagers, and Eavis had people in his farmhouse. Showing me age now. IS a Wedding a ''Once in a lifetime'' thing?...Hopefully it will be for them, though.

@jerometheturnipking

I think you'd be getting very different responses if you had said it was a 5 day holiday booked rather than Glasto. Even though, if anything, Glasto is harder to rebook than 5 days in the Algarve!

This.

Campingcarryon

It wouldn’t be such a difficult thing if I knew I could easily get glasto tickets again but they are like rocking horse shit and I might never have the chance in my life again. But obviously the wedding is a once in a lifetime thing too 🙈
.....
You hope her wedding is a once in a lifetime thing.

@IWasBornInAThunderstorm

I don't get people saying your friend will only get married once. She will still be married after. Glastonbury won't be there after.

Except Glastonbury is an annual event so there will be other times to go, even if it's a few years away

@Mumsgirls

If it was that important to her that you are at the wedding, she should have checked before picking a date. She did not so not your fault if you have a prior.

What a Load of twaddle. No one getting married checks with guests if a date is suitable before booking there wedding

What a Load of twaddle. No one getting married checks with guests if a date is suitable before booking there wedding

My cousin just did exactly that for his wedding next year and we aren't even that close, though I do love him, but some of the few family he has left on his Father's side.

You don't have to check with everyone. That'd be impossible but it's common sense to check dates with the people who are most important to you, if you want them to be there.

It's simple - you've already got plans.

@HalzTangz
I did. Seems sensible if there's people you really want there surely?

It's obviously not important to you so hey just crack on 🤷‍♀️*

She is cracking on! With a previously booked holiday.

I checked my wedding date with my guests - in fact moved it because of clashes..

When booking ours we chose the next weekend on due to a cup final - we know nothing about football but Dh uncles pushed back when we sent the save the date email. No odds to us that far ahead. Actually the weekend of the football was rainy yet our wedding was glorious sun all day so turned out for the best!

Understand the rule is broadly you go to what you committed to first - Glastonbury no brainer.

I'd go with Glastonbury. On the basis that:

1. it doesn't actually take place every year and with numbers of attendees increasing its reasonable to expect more fallow years, making tickets even harder to get

2. tickets really are gold dust, this isn't something you can rearrange and it's likely if you cancel it would be another 10 years before you get a chance of going again. Anyone saying "it happens every year" or "you can go again next year" are idiots to get this far into the thread and not pay any attention to the multiple accounts confirming otherwise

3. a five day, multi-event experience would be equivalent to a luxury, hard come-by holiday in my eyes (which most people would understand is a blocker to going)

I'd have phoned her to be honest though, and would want to plan a nice treat in the run up to the wedding since you won't be there on the day. If she is upset, thats ok too - like some of the posters here she might value attendance over all else. That still shouldn't mean you back out of a prior commitment, but maybe you both re-evaluate how you see the friendship.

"What a Load of twaddle. No one getting married checks with guests if a date is suitable before booking there wedding"

But surely if you don't check, you also have to accept that others may already have plans on that date.

@tigger1001

"What a Load of twaddle. No one getting married checks with guests if a date is suitable before booking there wedding"

But surely if you don't check, you also have to accept that others may already have plans on that date.

Exactly! Surely you make sure the important members of the wedding party are not going on a once in a lifetime trip to Australia or something similar! If you don’t then expect people not to be free basically

@HalzTangz of course people check with the important guests before booking a date. Before booking our wedding date we made sure that best friends and close family would be available and booked a date that they were all available. Anyone else then if they have previously arranged plans then so be it, I wouldn't expect anyone to change plans for my wedding.

You asked for people's opinions & you've just gone with those who justify your decision. Seems a bit pointless

Why are you taking it so personally that the op has made a decision different to the one you have so impolitely demanded she make?

Just because somebody asks for opinions on something it doesn't mean they have to obey the people responding!

If a festival is more important to you then she's not a 'close' friend is she?

For an actual close friend, I wouldn't dream of choosing a festival over them. For a not so close friend, maybe.

@Beefmeupscotty

If a festival is more important to you then she's not a 'close' friend is she?

For an actual close friend, I wouldn't dream of choosing a festival over them. For a not so close friend, maybe.

So, where would you draw the line, for a close friend?

A holiday in Europe that's been booked? A holiday in Asia that's been booked?

You can't possibly believe you'd cancel everything for someone who hasn't even checked with you that the date suits?

So she can't be a great friend, or she would've said it's really important to me that you're at my wedding, can you make XX date

Tbf, an actual close friend we'd probably be chatting about the wedding before she booked so if she said 'we're thinking of x weekend ' I'd say 'noooo, we're on holiday then!' Her response would dictate how much effort I made to rearrange or cancel.

But yes, I have rearranged flights and left a holiday a day early for DHs best friends wedding.

If you've been Glastonbury before I'd go to your friends wedding if I were you and just look forward to it the year after.