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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:
IamtheDevilsAvocado · 05/09/2021 10:00

@toastofthetown

When I got married I checked dates with the key people I wanted to be there. For everyone else I let them know the date when I booked, and some people couldn’t come. My cousin was running the marathon and couldn’t make it. It’s a shame, but just one of those things.
This.... Even in (post) pandemic times... If someone absolutely MUST have you at their wedding as you're such a close friend...

You ask them if they have any major plans and avoid these dates....

Backwaterjunction · 05/09/2021 10:02

I choose a night out in the local town over a close family members wedding, also stayed in and watched tv instead of going to one wedding once 🤣🤣🤣🤣

mswales · 05/09/2021 10:02

I think it's totally fair to go to Glastonbury but no way would I have told my good friend this by text - I'd have to speak to her about it. Asking for responses by whatsapp is like a mass "please RSVP here" type thing, it doesn't apply to delivering news like this. I would phone her as soon as you can to see how she's doing and explain you're so sorry about the clash etc - it just looks like you don't really care otherwise.

SayMumOneMoreTime · 05/09/2021 10:04

Definitely go to Glastonbury! You booked the tickets before the date was announced, you weren't consulted about the date, and they have booked their wedding on Glastonbury weekend - who does that? (Unless of course their friends aren't into it.) Go to the festival, guilt free, and celebrate her marriage another time. If she has a problem with it then she's unreasonable and one of these people who are weird and over the top about weddings.

CecilyP · 05/09/2021 10:05

BuffyFanForever

Feel free to go to the festival but most likely have the friendship be entirely altered...it depends which is more important to you.

This could be looked at the other way. If OP cancelling long-standing plans to attend her wedding is more important to her than the actual friendship, is it really worth having?

Summerfun54321 · 05/09/2021 10:07

None of my friends would be foolish enough to plan their wedding on the Glastonbury weekend.

toomuchlaundry · 05/09/2021 10:10

Depending on the size of wedding the B&G don’t always manage to spend much time with individual guests. So why would B&G change their friendship with someone who couldn’t make the wedding if they were probably only going to spend a short time with them.

As is often said on here it is an invite not a summons, so this must work both ways. I can understand losing a friendship if a person invited told you they didn’t like the venue, thought it was naff, didn’t like anyone you invited, didn’t like the groom etc, but to not come because they had something else pretty substantial planned on the same day is a reasonable excuse.

What if they had another wedding on the same day and they had already accepted, would you expect them to bin the other couple for you. Or if they hadn’t yet accepted the other wedding would you bin them if they chose the other wedding to go to?

StrongCoffeAvalanche · 05/09/2021 10:16

I hate confrontation and this sort of thing makes me feel pretty sick. I think you've made a tough decision and it was the right one. Agree that if she dumps you over this then 🤷🏼‍♀️ you've just lost a really childish friend. But I don't envy the horrible feeling you'll have waiting for her to reply, but also expect that she may just not reply at all.

Twinsmummy1812 · 05/09/2021 10:17

I honestly think too much is made of weddings, I mean I wouldn’t want to miss my children’s but anybody else, great if I can make it, sorry if I can’t. It doesn’t go to the top of my priority list. My sister in law got married and it was 18 months of wittering on about it beforehand, I developed a nervous tic every time she came round because it was hours and hours of discussion about cakes, photographers etc every time. I was so relieved when it was over (although the day was lovely). I get it’s a big deal to you, DH and your mum but otherwise…

Oh! And please stop booking them over bank holiday weekends to ‘extend the fun’.

I’m honestly not a miserable cow!

Cornettoninja · 05/09/2021 10:18

but also expect that she may just not reply at all

Yes but don’t read too much into it. If she’s asked a lot of people to reply via WhatsApp she may have briefly registered your message and moved onto the next message. Give it a couple of days maybe then follow it up.

toastofthetown · 05/09/2021 10:22

People on Mumsnet hate vagueness in threads, but this is an example of why a lot of people are vague. If the OP had said that that she had a 'pre-booked event' the responses would have been different. Different again if she said there it a holiday. But as she's said it's Glastonbury people are making value judgments based on how much they'd enjoy the festival vs the wedding.

HeidiHaus · 05/09/2021 10:26

If I was your friend I'd be disappointed but I hope I would understand.
Glastonbury is my idea of hell on earth so that initially coloured my opinion Grin but I get it's the holy grail of festivals. Go!

Tal45 · 05/09/2021 10:27

If I was desperate to have particular people at my wedding then I'd check the date with them before I booked. It's a shame but it's not your fault you're already booked for that weekend.

clary · 05/09/2021 10:29

All those saying that the wedding is a once in a lifetime event...yes, for the couple and let's say their parents, it is. So I hope they are able to go.

For a friend...not so much. Come on, I know I am old, but surely most of us have been to more than one friend's wedding? In my mud 20s it was like Four Weddings. Hardly once in a lifetime for the guests, are they?

Twinsmummy1812 · 05/09/2021 10:29

Whenever you do a mass invite and ask for replies via WhatsApp etc you always get the no’s first because people know if they are busy and tend to reply straight away, whereas if there is nothing in the calendar but you’re waiting to check a couple of things then you don’t reply straight away. So you get the no’s first and then you have the panic that no-one is coming or you feel miffed because it seems like everyone is turning you down. Your friend is probably in that phase and will be back in touch once the acceptances start arriving.

Gmom · 05/09/2021 10:30

I wouldn't put something I'd dreamed of for years (e.g. seeing my favourite band or going to Wimbledon) ahead of a "close" friend's wedding. I didn't go to a close friend's wedding because it was within two weeks of another close friend's wedding and both weddings required an overseas flight to two different places. I regret that. We've taken 10 holidays with the couple since and the husband really is my husband's closest friend though they live overseas and the wife is such a good friend she came to the birth of my first child so we really are close. I feel we should have sucked it up and done two trips and attended both weddings. I don't think she holds it against me but I feel like a jerk about it nearly 20 years later.

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 10:31

@toastofthetown yes, quite. A lot of the negative comments are likely from people who have likely never been to glasto either.

But also based on this idea that only people aged under 25 should go to festivals (the age demographic at Glasto is heavily over 40’s) and that somehow therefore it’s not a valid choice.

OP posts:
YukoandHiro · 05/09/2021 10:31

How big is the wedding? If normal size, just decline the invite. We only had 40 people post pandemic size and a few suddenly dropped out the day before and that was really shit (and cost us wasted food). Don't do that.

YukoandHiro · 05/09/2021 10:33

*pre pandemic

whoisit12 · 05/09/2021 10:34

I can't believe the importance that people place on weddings, is anyone really that arsed apart from the bride and groom? Normal people can turn to self absorbed weirdos when you bring their weddings into things, I've never ever understood it! Go to Glasto, if this pandemic has taught us anything it's that life is short and do what makes you happy, you would sit and be quietly fuming all day at the wedding anyway so you wouldn't enjoy it knowing that glasto was going on

PicturesOfLily · 05/09/2021 10:35

Go to Glastonbury. As many others have said, it’s a prior commitment and not something you can rearrange. Unless you’re expected to be part of the bridal party? I would have had no problem at all with someone missing my wedding for a pre-arranged event, festival, holiday or whatever.

jerometheturnipking · 05/09/2021 10:37

I think you'd be getting very different responses if you had said it was a 5 day holiday booked rather than Glasto. Even though, if anything, Glasto is harder to rebook than 5 days in the Algarve!

Rachie1973 · 05/09/2021 10:38

@seaandsandcastles

I think YABU and selfish. Barring a pandemic, Glastonbury happens every year. This wedding will only happen once and she’s your friend.
Judging by the stats she’ll probably remarry within 10 years. Odds of getting Glastonbury tickets again are lower lol
fruitbrewhaha · 05/09/2021 10:41

There are loads of different reason people can't make a wedding. Sometimes people pull out last minute.

You have something booked already for that day.

enjoy Glastonbury OP

Cam2020 · 05/09/2021 10:45

People saying Glasto is every year have obviously never tried to get tickets before (and never known the pain of being kept on the holding page/the site crashing on multiple devices before). If this were a holiday abroad there would be no expectation of someone cancelling!