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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:
Sciurus83 · 05/09/2021 08:43

I think it is a bit different as you already had the tickets, also depends how close a friend it is. I reckon I've got five friends who I would cancel a ticket for to be at their wedding, plus my brothers. Their wedding and being there with them on the day would mean more to me and there will be other festivals. So I'd say depends how close you are, but you've obviously decided festival already so I guess they're not that close?

Vanishun · 05/09/2021 08:44

But she'll have been expecting you to say yes! You said yourself you thought she might be pissed and disappointed. Really, I think you've misstepped there in how you've communicated...

Mummadeze · 05/09/2021 08:45

I would have re-sold the tickets and gone to my close friend’s wedding. I wouldn’t want to miss my friend’s most important day of her life. Glastonbury is on every year.

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 08:46

@Sciurus83 she’s a really good friend of over 25 years. And I do feel bad but the people I am going to glasto with are also friends of over 20 years so who gets priority?

OP posts:
Grimacingfrog · 05/09/2021 08:53

Hopefully she'll understand and come round.

If so, I'd make an extra effort to see if you could do something special to celebrate her wedding at another time? Like maybe having a big night out or weekend away together or inviting her round to look at the photos/watch the videos. Just to show that although you couldn't make the actual day, you care about her special day and want to mark it in some way.

I had a few people not able to come to my hen do. That was fine but it was the fact they didn't try and make up for it afterwards that hurt.

Sciurus83 · 05/09/2021 08:56

I would choose the wedding for a close friend of 25 years and do Glastonbury another year, who I was going to the festival with wouldn't make a difference to that. But you're not me, you know your friendships, that's just what I would do.

RubySlippers123 · 05/09/2021 08:58

[quote Campingcarryon]@RubySlippers123 it’s more that I can’t believe the number of people on here who would actively guilt trip dump friends who couldn’t come to their wedding in a ridiculous childish fashion. It’s unbelievable.

I would never actively hurt my friend obviously but I had to make a decision and this thread has helped me do that.[/quote]
Your friend isn't actively guilt tripping you though is she? Stop turning it around.

If my friend of 25yrs would go to a festival instead of my wedding I'd be miffed. I wouldn't say anything. But I'd be hurt.

You asked for people's opinions & you've just gone with those who justify your decision. Seems a bit pointless 🤷🏻‍♀️

junglejane56 · 05/09/2021 08:58

@Campingcarryon I get the impression that you've made your choice but you just want reassurance and everyone to tell you that it's fine. Which lots of people have.

But I think similarly a lot of people would find it a bit off for a good friend to opt for a festival over their wedding and that's a valid feeling too. It doesn't make people guilt trippers or bridezillas. I got married this year and was very relaxed about everything but I'd still have been gutted if my close friends chose not to come. I would have tried to understand but it would have hurt me because it was an important day for me.

You have already booked your tickets and you want to go which is absolutely fair enough. But your friend will no doubt be seeing it as you choosing, preferring and prioritising Glasto over her wedding and your friendship. So she isn't high maintenance or unreasonable to feel upset by that IMO.

RubySlippers123 · 05/09/2021 08:59

[quote Campingcarryon]@Sciurus83 she’s a really good friend of over 25 years. And I do feel bad but the people I am going to glasto with are also friends of over 20 years so who gets priority?[/quote]
Then other people are not the issue here.

RubySlippers123 · 05/09/2021 09:00

[quote junglejane56]@Campingcarryon I get the impression that you've made your choice but you just want reassurance and everyone to tell you that it's fine. Which lots of people have.

But I think similarly a lot of people would find it a bit off for a good friend to opt for a festival over their wedding and that's a valid feeling too. It doesn't make people guilt trippers or bridezillas. I got married this year and was very relaxed about everything but I'd still have been gutted if my close friends chose not to come. I would have tried to understand but it would have hurt me because it was an important day for me.

You have already booked your tickets and you want to go which is absolutely fair enough. But your friend will no doubt be seeing it as you choosing, preferring and prioritising Glasto over her wedding and your friendship. So she isn't high maintenance or unreasonable to feel upset by that IMO. [/quote]
This.

waterlego · 05/09/2021 09:01

@sHREDDIES19, would you cancel a holiday to attend a friend’s wedding?

foreverlobsters · 05/09/2021 09:01

[quote junglejane56]@Campingcarryon I get the impression that you've made your choice but you just want reassurance and everyone to tell you that it's fine. Which lots of people have.

But I think similarly a lot of people would find it a bit off for a good friend to opt for a festival over their wedding and that's a valid feeling too. It doesn't make people guilt trippers or bridezillas. I got married this year and was very relaxed about everything but I'd still have been gutted if my close friends chose not to come. I would have tried to understand but it would have hurt me because it was an important day for me.

You have already booked your tickets and you want to go which is absolutely fair enough. But your friend will no doubt be seeing it as you choosing, preferring and prioritising Glasto over her wedding and your friendship. So she isn't high maintenance or unreasonable to feel upset by that IMO. [/quote]
This.

You've probably made your friend feel hurt OP, you just need to try and own that now instead of labelling her probable feelings as being bridezilla esque. If you can't see why she'd feel hurt then that's a little worrying- but I suspect you can which is why you started this thread...

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 09:05

@RubySlippers123 but why aren’t the other people the issue either? It seems to be that weddings come above anything else on mumsnet- as I already said, if it was a week in the Seychelles instead would people be so clear that I had to go to the wedding? I am still letting people down as I have arranged to spend 5 days with them at a festival which is also a holiday - I still have to take annual leave to go etc. Why do weddings trump everything and everyone else?

OP posts:
Vickles20 · 05/09/2021 09:07

I think you’ve made your mind up. You do what you want to do. Like someone said. It’s
Not a summons. However. There will most likely be a fallout. And you have to ride it out. Bride might never get that you chose a yearly festival to her wedding. But you do you… one life and all that. But buckle up and expect a fallout

MyOtherProfile · 05/09/2021 09:08

To those saying OP is choosing a few days in a muddy field over her friend's wedding and who clearly don't understand Glastonbury let's try imagining she has just got tickets to Wimbledon for the whole week / full tickets to the Last Night of the Proms / full tickets to the football world cup after trying for the last ten years to get tickets. Would you still think she should drop them and go to the wedding?

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 05/09/2021 09:10

Why do people keep going on about it being a yearly festival as if OP could go every single year? It’s really hard to get Glasto tickets! I think it’s a perfectly reasonable excuse not to go, she already has long-standing plans that weekend.

Simonjt · 05/09/2021 09:11

@CoffeeWithMyOxygen

Why do people keep going on about it being a yearly festival as if OP could go every single year? It’s really hard to get Glasto tickets! I think it’s a perfectly reasonable excuse not to go, she already has long-standing plans that weekend.
Plus the line up changes every year.

The lottery system makes it extremely hard to get tickets, I go most years purely because we get allocated media tickets. I have friends who have been trying to get tickets for 7-8 years.

brokenbiscuitsx · 05/09/2021 09:15

[quote Campingcarryon]@RubySlippers123 but why aren’t the other people the issue either? It seems to be that weddings come above anything else on mumsnet- as I already said, if it was a week in the Seychelles instead would people be so clear that I had to go to the wedding? I am still letting people down as I have arranged to spend 5 days with them at a festival which is also a holiday - I still have to take annual leave to go etc. Why do weddings trump everything and everyone else?[/quote]
I don’t understand this either OP especially when the Seychelles (and other holiday places) will always be there and won’t change every year and you cdd as n book holydats easily. Booking Glasto is not like booking a holiday it’s very hard to get tickets and the live up changes every year. Holiday destinations sill look the same every year more or less.

brokenbiscuitsx · 05/09/2021 09:15

You can book holidays easily*. (How do I not see these typos before posting! Confused)

Chickychickydodah · 05/09/2021 09:16

As long as your not a brides made or part of the main wedding I’d goto Glastonbury.
You booked the tickets before her invite .

GotToGoBye · 05/09/2021 09:17

I’d prefer Glastonbury but I’d go to the wedding

HeronLanyon · 05/09/2021 09:17

There’s no element of ‘choosing’ or ‘preferring’ one or the other.
The scales were already tipped when she saw the date of the wedding.
Op was already committed that day and unavailable. Committed to a rare, rescheduled, tickets since 2019, 5 others coming, precious to them all, she’s providing one of the campervans, event.
To choose the wedding would involve undoing all of that.
It’s not a simple ‘x is better than y’ equation.
Why on earth wouldn’t a bride and groom understand ?
It really isn’t as simple as ‘she’s chosen Glastonbury over my wedding’. The bride may take a short time to see that. I suspect op won’t be the only one unable to attend. That’s common and not the end of the world surely.

Cornettoninja · 05/09/2021 09:17

Being disappointed and a bit upset but keeping it to yourself and not letting it affect the friendship - normal

Being disappointed and a bit upset but keeping it to yourself but letting it affect a 20+ year friendship - high maintenance and sulky.

Being upset and declaring a permanent rift - bridezilla who would rather cut her nose off to spite her face and lose an otherwise good, long-standing friendship over what amounts to people having their own lives.

OP I hope your friend falls into the first category.

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 09:17

@Simonjt I think it’s the fact that I have been trying for a decade to get tickets that’s made it so difficult to give up actually! I might never get the chance again!

OP posts:
midgemagneto · 05/09/2021 09:18

Wedding is just an event to celebrate a marriage occurring

Celebrate the marriage another time