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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:
User875906 · 05/09/2021 08:12

It's not like it's the brides DM, it's a friend.

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 08:13

@dalrympy honestly if that happens then 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think we are all used to cancelled plans etc

OP posts:
LavenderAskew · 05/09/2021 08:14

Simonjt

"sHREDDIES19

Wow if they are a true friend you absolutely have to go to their wedding. I would be hurt if a friend chose a festival over my wedding! This is all about priorities, if you go to Glasto this is effectively a nail in the coffin that is your friendship. Some things matter and this one does in my opinion.

So you would cancel a 5 day holiday (and lose the entire cost of a holiday) to go to a friends wedding?"

If you read very carefully and between the lines, sHREDDIES19 didn't suggest she would cancel plans to go to a wedding, just that it would be a nail in the coffin for her if people didn't go to her wedding because of already booked festival.

Actually, scrap that. You don't need to read that carefully.

RubySlippers123 · 05/09/2021 08:14

[quote Campingcarryon]@sHREDDIES19 seriously? How old are you? I prefer adult friendships where we all understand and accept that our lives are busy and respect that[/quote]
Why are you even asking anyone's opinion if you are so very determined only to listen to those who agree with what you want to do op?

User875906 · 05/09/2021 08:15

@dalrympy

Trouble is, you'll say this to her and then Glasto will get cancelled and you'll be in a bind! That's what would worry me.
If Glastonbury gets cancelled it's very likely that weddings will be restricted also so then OP would likely lose her invite anyway
Nixandwotsit · 05/09/2021 08:19

Rubyslippers
"Why are you even asking anyone's opinion if you are so very determined only to listen to those who agree with what you want to do op?"

Probably because the vast majority agree with Op?

sHREDDIES19 · 05/09/2021 08:21

@Campingcarryon I’m 43 so have successfully adulted for many years. I have lifelong friends and whilst of course we all have busy lives that mean we don’t meet up as much as we could in our younger days, a wedding is a massive deal and one that I personally would never dream of missing for a festival that occurs every year (in normal times of course). Just like when friends’ parents have died, I’ve done my very best to ensure I’m there for them at these big moments in their life, good and bad. This is where I stand on the subject, op has asked for views, I’ve provided mine. Yet another mumsnetter throwing a strop and reverting to childish insults if someone has a differing opinion to them. Hilarious and baffling in equal measures.

AfterSchoolWorry · 05/09/2021 08:23

She's a close friend so she knew Glastonbury was on that weekend. I'd just assume the invitation was a box ticking exercise.

Don't worry so much!

aquashiv · 05/09/2021 08:24

Glastonbury no Hesitation she'll understand

Peppertower · 05/09/2021 08:25

I find it hard to believe people would cancel their holiday, especially one they might not get to go back on again. Op has a holiday booked, it might not be a one that others would enjoy, but it's a 5 day holiday that is not something that can easily be rebooked again for next time, no guarantee of tickets.

Dee1975 · 05/09/2021 08:26

You have tickets booked for another event. Therefore you can’t go!

tigger1001 · 05/09/2021 08:27

@sHREDDIES19

Wow if they are a true friend you absolutely have to go to their wedding. I would be hurt if a friend chose a festival over my wedding! This is all about priorities, if you go to Glasto this is effectively a nail in the coffin that is your friendship. Some things matter and this one does in my opinion.
The reverse is also true. I would be hurt and drop a friendship if said friend expected me to cancel long existing plans, possibly losing money and letting others down just because they subsequently chose that particular date for their wedding.

It would make me realise that they were not the person I thought they were and they were rude and entitled. So going to the wedding would no longer be an issue.

Brides and grooms need to realise the world doesn't revolve around their wedding. People sometimes already have plans made so cannot attend. Sometimes it's to attend another wedding!

It really doesn't mean friendship isn't valued. It just means they already have plans made.

CecilyP · 05/09/2021 08:30

sHREDDIES19

Wow if they are a true friend you absolutely have to go to their wedding. I would be hurt if a friend chose a festival over my wedding! This is all about priorities, if you go to Glasto this is effectively a nail in the coffin that is your friendship. Some things matter and this one does in my opinion.

Blimey, this post is peak Bridezilla!

Vanishun · 05/09/2021 08:32

Well ... sadly the problem solved as the friendship is probably dented a bit for her now.

Seriously OP - I get why you'd choose the festival, but there are more tactful ways of doing things rather than sending a message. Why wouldn't you talk to her if she's a close friend?

Newrunner29 · 05/09/2021 08:33

@Aprilx

I am astonished than anyone would put a festival before a good friends wedding. It would really tell me what a low priority I am to a friend that did that.
This is my opnion too
whiteroseredrose · 05/09/2021 08:36

We are definitely 'go to the event that you committed to first' in our household. So it would be Glastonbury in this case.

I missed a friend's wedding for a trip to the Far East. She wasn't happy but it had been booked a long time before the wedding.

But on a different note I'm shocked that Glastonbury is such a big thing. We went a couple of times years ago. Just bought the tickets and went. It was fun but not that amazing!

SallyMcNally · 05/09/2021 08:37

I've just booked my wedding for next year on the only summer weekend date that we could get at any of the venues we liked. It's right in the middle of the school holidays and we know some people won't be able to make it but we didn't really check the date with people as what was the point!

We just have to accept that not everyone will make it and that's ok. It might be the biggest thing in our diary for next year (well, after Glastonbury!) but it's not everyone else's!

I hope your friend understands.

Simonjt · 05/09/2021 08:38

@Newrunner29 How much money would you happily lose if you had to cancel a five day holiday to attend a wedding? Or if it was your wedding would you cover the cost of the holiday so a guest could attend without financial loss?

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 08:39

@RubySlippers123 it’s more that I can’t believe the number of people on here who would actively guilt trip dump friends who couldn’t come to their wedding in a ridiculous childish fashion. It’s unbelievable.

I would never actively hurt my friend obviously but I had to make a decision and this thread has helped me do that.

OP posts:
brokenbiscuitsx · 05/09/2021 08:40

@BornFreee

"200 miles apart so once I am on site, I won’t be leaving!!"

A 3 hour drive each way and arrive back in time for the headline act, definitely do-able.

🤣🤣🤣 As if
Antsinyourpanta · 05/09/2021 08:40

A 3 hour drive each way and arrive back in time for the headline act, definitely do-able.

Confused Do you live in the uk? A 200 mile drive on a saturday (involving roads that are not motorways) will almost certainly be more like 4 hrs...and then OP will be spending 8 hours in the car at the neither the wedding or Glastonbury!!
Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 08:41

@Vanishun because she asked for responses via WhatsApp

OP posts:
tickledtiger · 05/09/2021 08:42

It is understandable. I mean, if I was your friend, I’d have a moment of feeling miffed but I honestly think I’d get over it quite quickly. It might affect the friendship a little bit though.

brokenbiscuitsx · 05/09/2021 08:43

Oops I also meant to say, go to Glasto OP, I’m jealous! ☺️ I’m arranging our wedding soon and the first thing I’ll do is check festival dates and other things like that with people first.

junglejane56 · 05/09/2021 08:43

I think if you really want to go to Glasto you go, otherwise you'll feel resentful.

Having said that I do think if a really close friend of mine said 'sorry I'm not coming to the most important day of your life because I have festival tickets' i would feel a little stung. It really depends how close she is to you as a friend. There will always be people who can't come due to other commitments, illness, last minute stuff...but if one of my really close friends declined for Glasto I would find it selfish and be fairly hurt. It might just be a wedding to you but to her it's the biggest day of her life.

It sounds like you've made your mind up though so at this point maybe do some damage limitation by trying to plan another way to celebrate.