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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:
BritishSummertime · 05/09/2021 07:40

Does anyone remember the thread whereby the OP's daughter was invited to two weddings, one friend and the OP's exSIL.

It was almost unanimous that the DD should go to the wedding she accepted first. This is the same principle, OP has had tickets for 3 years for something, wedding invite just received so OP should go to the one she accepted first. What about the people OP is going to Glasto with?! Are they left I the lurch because OP accepts another invitation?

I'm still waiting (along with lots of others) whether OP would be expected to cancel.a week 's holiday to go to the wedding!

patchoulicloud · 05/09/2021 07:41

God, I feel really torn on this. Mostly my thoughts are definitely go to Glastonbury but I really wouldn't want to miss a close friend's wedding.

Saying that, anyone I was really close to would know I'm not available Glastonbury weekend and I'm fairly sure my currently engaged friend wouldn't book a wedding that weekend.

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 07:42

@BritishSummertime well quite and I am going in a group of 6 too.

Some of comments on here are really bonkers!

OP posts:
Sadiecow · 05/09/2021 07:43

[quote Campingcarryon]@LavenderAskew of course I didn’t! I have been up front (after having to really think about it and with the mostly helpful comments on here) and told her I can’t come as I am going to glasto!

She might be pissed off as we are close mates but honestly, I do think in adult life there has to be some acceptance that everyone is busy and that covid has also messed up long held plans.[/quote]
If you're close mates, she'll know your want to go to glasto. She'll understand.

How did she seem to take it?

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 07:44

@Sadiecow she hasn’t replied but has read it so am thinking not well 😬

OP posts:
Dinkydonk55 · 05/09/2021 07:45

I’m definitely in the ‘go to Glasto’ camp.
Honestly assuming it’s not a wedding of only 12 people or something… she’s not going to have time to hang out with everyone much there, you probably just be there feeling resentful and like she wouldn’t have noticed if you hadnt come!
I think ‘I’m sorry I’ve already booked to be away’ would’ve been fine to say

Sadiecow · 05/09/2021 07:45

[quote Campingcarryon]@Sadiecow she hasn’t replied but has read it so am thinking not well 😬[/quote]
Don't jump to that conclusion, she may well be considering moving the date? Is that a possibility?

ittakes2 · 05/09/2021 07:46

It depends on how you feel about her friendship - telling her you might only get to Glastonbury once when she is hoping to only her married once is likely to make her rethink her friendship with you. But if you are good friends rather than best friends that might be ok.

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 07:47

@Sadiecow maybe, not sure to be honest! Will wait and see what happens! They had a particular venue in mind so assume it’s actually hard to book different times as people book a year or 2 in advance

OP posts:
LavenderAskew · 05/09/2021 07:48

[quote Campingcarryon]@LavenderAskew of course I didn’t! I have been up front (after having to really think about it and with the mostly helpful comments on here) and told her I can’t come as I am going to glasto!

She might be pissed off as we are close mates but honestly, I do think in adult life there has to be some acceptance that everyone is busy and that covid has also messed up long held plans.[/quote]
All good then!!

Said friend will need a bit of time after reading your message to get over her disappointed I would imagine before responding to you.

Mind you, her maturity is still at primary school level, like some people on this thread, she might respond "your not my friend anymore". But you'll be able to pick that up as she'll stamp her foot and have her arms crossed as she says it.

LavenderAskew · 05/09/2021 07:49

Oh, I missed the "if" after my "Mind you, "!

5329871e · 05/09/2021 07:49

YANBU. But I wouldn’t use the “once in a lifetime” reason. You’ll just have to tell her the truth - that Glastonbury is more fun Halo

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 07:50

@ittakes2 honestly, if that happens then I do feel a bit 🤷🏻‍♀️ As I have already said, people couldn’t come to my wedding as they were on holiday and I am still friends with them. We aren’t in the bloody school playground anymore- we are all adults with kids and busy lives and stuff happens.

OP posts:
LavenderAskew · 05/09/2021 07:52

Also * "you're not my friend"

Gah!!

Oh for an edit option to fix stupid errors!!

User875906 · 05/09/2021 07:56

Sometimes people can't go to weddings because they have holiday booked, Glastonbury is the same as a holiday, it is a prebooked time away. Enjoy it next year OP.

sHREDDIES19 · 05/09/2021 07:58

Wow if they are a true friend you absolutely have to go to their wedding. I would be hurt if a friend chose a festival over my wedding! This is all about priorities, if you go to Glasto this is effectively a nail in the coffin that is your friendship. Some things matter and this one does in my opinion.

Simonjt · 05/09/2021 08:00

@sHREDDIES19

Wow if they are a true friend you absolutely have to go to their wedding. I would be hurt if a friend chose a festival over my wedding! This is all about priorities, if you go to Glasto this is effectively a nail in the coffin that is your friendship. Some things matter and this one does in my opinion.
So you would cancel a 5 day holiday (and lose the entire cost of a holiday) to go to a friends wedding?
Fubitch · 05/09/2021 08:01

Surely the bride would check the true friend was available if she was that bothered about her attendance?

Original poster
Campingcarryon · 05/09/2021 08:02

@sHREDDIES19 seriously? How old are you? I prefer adult friendships where we all understand and accept that our lives are busy and respect that

OP posts:
CecilyP · 05/09/2021 08:03

Oh dear. If she really is a close friend then you've probably really hurt her- but I can see it's probably too late now.

I could understand if she was a friend you hadn't seen in a long time, colleague or something similar- but you've essentially just told your close friend that you value an annual festival over one of the biggest days of her life. I wouldn't be calling her a close friend anymore if I were you.

If she was a really close friend who felt it was essential to have OP there for her own happiness, surely she would have checked that OP was free that weekend before booking the wedding. If they’re that close, she would have heard about Glastonbury, how OP had booked, how excited she was, how it was cancelled, how it was rebooked. If she hadn’t, they’re not that close. If she had, and didn’t check the date, it’s not that important that OP be there! Really the only people who need to be there are the bride and groom.

foreverlobsters · 05/09/2021 08:03

@Simonjt OP has already said that she could recoup most of the costs.

Glastonbury may well be 'more fun' than a wedding in many people's eyes, but weddings have such an emotional attachment to them that it's clear why OP's friend is likely to be a little hurt. People saying that she'd have to have primary school levels of maturity to upset are perhaps lacking in a little empathy.

whymewhyme · 05/09/2021 08:06

100% glastonbury

Cosmois · 05/09/2021 08:06

Weddings are pretty boring to everyone who isn't the bride. Unless it was a very close family member I would pick Glasto 100%.

Ponoka7 · 05/09/2021 08:08

The festival might be a yearly event, but acts like Paul McCartney won't go on forever. My DD (23) worked the Tom Jones concert, she had the choice between that or creamfields, but every year it might be Tom's last. It's the delayed 40th Glastonbury, there's extra stuff planned. The 40th anniversary is a once in a lifetime event. Posters are very fond of telling people that their children don't matter to other people, weddings are the same, especially now most couples have practically lived together. Yay, you are now each other's next of kin under the mental health act and will inherit from each other, the man will have automatic PR, because that's all that's changed for a lot of couples. I love a wedding, I like sit down, dress up occasions, but sometimes people have other things to do.

dalrympy · 05/09/2021 08:09

Trouble is, you'll say this to her and then Glasto will get cancelled and you'll be in a bind! That's what would worry me.