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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:
Simonjt · 04/09/2021 19:46

I’d skip my own wedding day to go to glastonbury

Lostmarbles2021 · 04/09/2021 19:53

We lost a few friends to a festival because we booked it after tix were already bought. We didn’t mind at all. We’re sad they couldn’t be there but totally understood. One friend regrets nit selling their festie ticket though and wish they had come to the wedding.

I love festivals though and am nit so keen on weddings so I’d go to festival.

Classica · 04/09/2021 19:56

YANBU and you've done the right thing by telling her well in advance. Your Glasto excitement is palpable so it's clearly very important to you and tickets aren't exactly easy to come by!

She'll probably feel a bit sad/peeved (which is understandable) but she'll get over it. Make a big fuss over her prior to the wedding day and buy her a beautiful gift (or bung her cash in place of a gift).

tigger1001 · 04/09/2021 20:13

Aprilx
I am astonished than anyone would put a festival before a good friends wedding. It would really tell me what a low priority I am to a friend that did that.
I’d be questioning the entire friendship if someone pulled that guilt trip on me.

It works both ways, both friends have events that are very important to them, they don’t have to understand it but they should respect it."

I totally agree. Why would a friend put a guilt trip on someone just because they cannot attend their wedding? It's so self absorbed.

I had a friend attempt a guilt trip on me because I couldn't get childcare. Needless to say they are no longer a friend.

Weddings are important to the bride and groom but they have to realise that not everyone in their life will be putting plans on hold until they decide on their wedding day. People will be planning holidays etc and sometimes the plans will clash. That's just life.

hannahbanana2007 · 04/09/2021 20:29

OP I live in fear of this scenario- like you Glastonbury is my happy place and when I've been lucky enough to manage to get tickets wild horses couldn't keep me away! As others say, it's the same as if it were a pre booked holiday; go to glasto and enjoy!

TurquoiseDragon · 04/09/2021 20:39

[quote DoubleShotEspresso]@FibroidFanny I agree. Acyears noyuce post Covid I'd have thought was "sufficient for save the date purposes"...
I really get that we have all missed the fun things that bring us joy- but seriously it's friends and family I've missed most. I'd take any of my friends since the pyramid stage for one day 💁‍♀️[/quote]
But the OP had tickets since before the wedding date was announced.

If this was a holiday that was already booked and paid for (and bear in mind that many of next year's holidays have been rolled over from last year and this year) would you still expect people to cancel just to attend your wedding?

I certainly wouldn't.

Feetupteashot · 04/09/2021 20:44

I'd rather go to Glastonbury but would be royally f@cked off if a good friend didn't come to my wedding because of a festival.

erasemybrain · 04/09/2021 20:49

Ahh glad you've told her! If she is a good friend she won't mind! Maybe a bit sad you're not there but super happy you will enjoying yourself so much. There will always be people who can't make it. It just one of those things! Essential relatives get checked with before the venue is booked.

If she throws a hissy fit you've still made a good decision and you will know exactly this friendship works.

Win win really! Have an amazing time!!!

seriouslyenoughalready · 04/09/2021 20:51

Definitely go to Glastonbury. You have had tickets for years before your friend announced her wedding. So unfortunately
You have other plans and can’t attend

TopBlogger · 04/09/2021 20:59

I would be hurt if I'm honest, BUT as you've got the tickets already I'd suck it up

U2HasTheEdge · 04/09/2021 21:00

@Feetupteashot

I'd rather go to Glastonbury but would be royally f@cked off if a good friend didn't come to my wedding because of a festival.
Then that would make you quite selfish. OP has already made plans and got the tickets. Her friend should have checked if OP was free if it was that important to her.

Weddings are boring for the most part and really only that important to the couple getting married and maybe their parents. The world doesn't stop because you are getting married.

cakewench · 04/09/2021 21:11

Glastonbury. I love Glastonbury, myself, and maybe I'd choose differently if it were my absolute BFF, but I also feel as if (no, I know for a fact) my BFF would make sure I was free on whatever date she was planning.

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 04/09/2021 21:11

There are a few bridezillas on this thread, expecting that all pre organised plans should be cancelled. Glastonbury tickets cost 250 odd quid!

I wonder if those who’d said they’d think less of the friend if the chose the festival, would offer to reimburse the cost of the ticket in order for the friend to attend and give up their event? Thought not.

User875906 · 04/09/2021 21:23

I can't believe that someone has suggested watching the highlights on TV 😂😂😂

lifehappened · 04/09/2021 21:34

If it's a good friend personally I would go to that as Glastonbury will happen again. But everyone's different. I don't think she's that good a mate if you would prefer a festival tho

whatsthecraic91 · 04/09/2021 21:36

100% id choose Glastonbury

Aprilx · 04/09/2021 21:46

@tigger1001

Aprilx I am astonished than anyone would put a festival before a good friends wedding. It would really tell me what a low priority I am to a friend that did that. I’d be questioning the entire friendship if someone pulled that guilt trip on me.

It works both ways, both friends have events that are very important to them, they don’t have to understand it but they should respect it."

I totally agree. Why would a friend put a guilt trip on someone just because they cannot attend their wedding? It's so self absorbed.

I had a friend attempt a guilt trip on me because I couldn't get childcare. Needless to say they are no longer a friend.

Weddings are important to the bride and groom but they have to realise that not everyone in their life will be putting plans on hold until they decide on their wedding day. People will be planning holidays etc and sometimes the plans will clash. That's just life.

I think you have misread something, because I didn’t say anything about pulling a guilt trip.

I said I would take it to mean I was a lower priority than a festival … well because they chose the festival. I did not say I would get on the phone and say this to them, my comment relates to the sad conclusion that I would draw for myself.

I forget this is mumsnet sometimes, where everybody hates going to weddings, in fact where it is bordering on an insult to invite somebody to your wedding and assume they have nothing better to do.

Classica · 04/09/2021 21:49

I really enjoy a good wedding. But if I'd be trying to snag Glasto tickets for a decade and had finally managed it, and had then had them postponed, I'd more than likely turn down a wedding invitation to attend.

EmoIsntDead · 04/09/2021 21:53

[quote Campingcarryon]@WIS76 I’ll have to tell her about glasto as she’s is really close friend![/quote]
Not that close, obviously.

TractorAndHeadphones · 04/09/2021 22:03

@Feetupteashot

I'd rather go to Glastonbury but would be royally f@cked off if a good friend didn't come to my wedding because of a festival.
If you really want the right to be pissed off then you should have checked the date with them before booking… 😎
TractorAndHeadphones · 04/09/2021 22:04

*booking the wedding I mean!

user1493494961 · 04/09/2021 22:07

Go to Glastonbury.

tigger1001 · 04/09/2021 22:13

"didn’t say anything about pulling a guilt trip.

I said I would take it to mean I was a lower priority than a festival … well because they chose the festival. I did not say I would get on the phone and say this to them, my comment relates to the sad conclusion that I would draw for myself.

I forget this is mumsnet sometimes, where everybody hates going to weddings, in fact where it is bordering on an insult to invite somebody to your wedding and assume they have nothing better to do."

But why would you draw that conclusion? They already had the tickets before the wedding invitation was received.

It's not about hating weddings, it's about not being able to be in two places at once and on this occasion plans were already in place for that date. People shouldn't have to cancel pre existing plans to attend a wedding.

Surely the bride and groom realise that some just can't make the date? Doesn't mean they are not good friends. Just that they can't make that date.

It's been asked multiple times on here already but I've not seen an answer - if it was a holiday abroad that meant the op couldn't go to the wedding would people still be upset that they didn't attend?

CP26 · 04/09/2021 22:34

Wow clearly I’m in the minority! Personally I’d want to be there for a close friend on such a significant day in her life. I know you probably won’t spend much one on one time with her on the day but it’s a sign of support for you to be there. I do everything in my power to go to weddings and I think it’s an honour to be invited. Though clearly it helps that I’m Irish, our weddings are great craic Grin

Stopteasingme · 04/09/2021 22:35

Definitely go to Glastonbury, hope she's ok about it. Surely if you're good friends she will already know how excited you are to be going anyhow?

Wedding people on here clearly have no idea how hard it is to get tickets to Glastonbury, I'm lucky enough to have been a few times in the 90's going over the fence but those days are truly over! It's an incredibly hard lottery to win and OP may never get lucky again.