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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To choose glastonbury over my friends wedding

789 replies

Campingcarryon · 04/09/2021 13:07

My good friend has just told me she is getting married the same weekend as glastonbury festival next year, for which I have tickets and have obviously by then waited 3 years to go, should it go ahead. I really want to go to the festival as getting tickets is incredibly hard and it’s the first time I have had tickets in 10 years. I love it there &
Post pandemic, I really want to just go and have some fun. I have a camper van so do it in a bit more luxury too.

I feel really bad but honestly I would rather go to the festival than the wedding but am I being really unreasonable? I can’t do both either as wedding is in a different part of the country. I don’t want to upset her either obviously 😬

OP posts:
Nixandwotsit · 04/09/2021 15:35

I don't see the problem, if someone has a previous commitment that's the end of it. I wouldn't expect anyone to miss out on something they were looking forward to, and had paid for, for any event of mine.

wizzywig · 04/09/2021 15:38

What would happen, if you tell her you're going Glastonbury, then for whatever reason, it's called off. Would you then want to go to the wedding? Would your friend tell you to piss off? Actually would you even care

Nixandwotsit · 04/09/2021 15:43

I can see now why so many people have ridiculous fallings out with their friends. It's perfectly possible to have a great wedding day without expecting friends to drop previous arrangements and lose money to be there. Maybe it all gets blown out of proportion now? I got married a long time ago but in "those days" I don't think it was a big deal if someone simply declined a wedding invitation saying that they couldn't make it because they would be away.

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 04/09/2021 15:45

@wizzywig

What would happen, if you tell her you're going Glastonbury, then for whatever reason, it's called off. Would you then want to go to the wedding? Would your friend tell you to piss off? Actually would you even care
'Ifs' are a bit futile. But I'll play. Having already politely declined the invitation I would tell the friend the festival had been called off, and then leave it entirely to her discretion as to whether or not she chose to reissue it. If she didn't, or said nothing to my communication about the cancellation, I would also say nothing.

If she told me to 'piss off', I'd take her under advisement.

BritishSummertime · 04/09/2021 15:46

Would you say the same if it was a holiday that was prebooked?

I asked this up thread and None of the 'wedding' posters have responded, I wonder why Grin

People are looking down on glasto as it's 'just a festival'

if you'd booked a cultural weekend visiting limited edition, never to be seen again art galleries & museums with non-refundable deposits i wonder if it was the same response...

NotJuryDutyAgain · 04/09/2021 15:48

People have to recognise that others may have things planned for the date they select for their wedding. She'll probably be disappointed if you prioritise another event over her wedding, but that's life, and if she's a good friend and knows how long you've been waiting for this, she'll probably get over the disappointment.

AlfonsoTheMango · 04/09/2021 15:48

Tell your friend the truth: attending Glastonbury is more important than attending her wedding. I'm sure she'll understand.

TheRabbitStoleMyHat · 04/09/2021 15:51

I can’t really understand those who think the OP should give up a pre booked, 5 day event that she’s waited 3 years for, costing over £200 per ticket.

So she should just lose the money and that’s ok?

Good friends wouldn’t pull the blackmail bullshit.

MaudBaileysGreenTurban · 04/09/2021 15:52

People are looking down on glasto as it's 'just a festival'

Well, obviously if it's a choice between going to a festival in your camper van to see a bunch of bands you love, and standing around in a hotel function room, drinking prosecco and admiring each other's lovely fascinators, why on earth would anyone choose the former?

Lj8893 · 04/09/2021 15:54

The snobbery on this thread is ridiculous.

Particularly the “bunch of tents and Coldplay” comment. How rude!

russiansnowball · 04/09/2021 15:57

Someone I thought was a (albeit work) friend of mine did this for our wedding day.

We weren't all that close (I'd only really invited her because she was part of a wider friendship group and it would've been harsh not to invite her) but what bothered me most about it was she accepted the invitation, subsequently got Glasto tickets and then was crowing about them loudly in the office to anyone that would listen. It was my bridesmaid who had to gently point out to her that she'd better tell me she was no longer planning on going to the wedding. The "friend" thought I'd just put two and two together to work it out (I hadn't, because I don't really care about it myself).

Needless to say, we aren't really mates anymore. Oh, and it was in June 2020 so neither obviously went ahead! She also doesn't have an invite to the arranged one :)

Difference here, though, is you already have the tickets - a prior engagement is waaaay more understandable and acceptable than shirking once you've got a 'better' offer.

toomuchlaundry · 04/09/2021 15:59

I was going to ask about the holiday scenario too. In effect this is a holiday if OP is going there for 5 days, would people honestly expect people to cancel holidays for their wedding, and if they didn't not to value their friendship anymore.

I know people can get caught up in their wedding plans, and I probably did too, but not to that extent. We had friends decline for various reasons, but I didn't stop speaking to them.

As others have said if the OP was so important to the couple, they would have checked with her about the date, although that might not have worked if both Glasto and the wedding have had to be rearranged due to COVID.

Talking about COVID, are there now a number of posters refusing to speak to friends who had to bump them off the wedding guest list when numbers at weddings were restricted.

PercyPiginaWig · 04/09/2021 16:33

If I were the bride I'd tell you to have a great time and plan a meet up afterwards.
I will add that I personally would not be keen to go to Glastonbury, so it's not because I'd like to go there, but know how hard it is to get tickets.
You have tickets already, there will always be people who already have plans unless you book your wedding years in advance, and even then life happens.

My parents have missed family weddings in summer because of holidays. They just sent a gift and met later to look at the photos or whatever.

Honestly I didn't care who turned up at the wedding as long as DH did.

Plumtree391 · 04/09/2021 16:54

@Lj8893

The snobbery on this thread is ridiculous.

Particularly the “bunch of tents and Coldplay” comment. How rude!

Ignore them, they haven't a clue.
Booknooks · 04/09/2021 17:00

I'd just tell her now, I'd be annoyed if a friend didn't tell me until last minute, but if they said off the bat it'd be fine. In honesty though my feelings were as long as my now DH turned up it would be all good haha

clary · 04/09/2021 17:05

@KatherineJaneway

Wow. You actually expect people to come to your wedding just because they are invited?

If you are that close a friend and I'd given you ample notice then yes. I'd expect a close friend to be there over a bunch of tents and Coldplay singing in the distance.

To you it's just a festival. To some a wedding I just a contact signing.

Exactly my point. If you think listening to a band in a field in a festival is more important than my wedding, then we are not as close as I had thought. Priorities.

Really? so you would expect someone to cancel whatever they had booked, even if it has been long awaited and cost several hundred pounds, and also even if cancelling might involve letting others down (it is the OP's camper van after all), to come and watch you get married?

I vividly recall walking up the aisle and being amazed and delighted that all these people had come to watch my wedding! Bless them! I had no expectations that they would or should come. Honestly, I could tell you literally nothing, or almost nothing, about my interactions with friends on that day. I am delighted that they were there, but id they hadn't been able to be (and some were not) - not a problem. My wedding, not theirs.

I agree, some people are being snobby about a festival. It's not my cup of tea either but I fully understand that it's a bit more than "tents and COldplay" - how rude.

As @Titsywoo said, weddings are dull and overpriced. I enjoyed my own, but other people's? Not so much.

HeronLanyon · 04/09/2021 17:11

Anyone else feeling some stress - as if I now need to actually book that holiday in June next year (and have evidence of it) just in case I get call up papers for a wedding slap bang in the middle of when I want to be away for the first time since 2019.

Weddings can be an utter delight and of course we want to be there for close friends, but they really do not trump everything else going on in our lives.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 04/09/2021 17:36

Go to the festival. About 1 month before the wedding invite your friend to a weekend getaway, she can either tell you all about the wedding craziness or you guys can pretend it doesn’t exist if that’s what she wants. I bet cash money at some point she says the words “I wish I was going with you to Glastonbury instead of getting married”

SpiderinaWingMirror · 04/09/2021 17:40

Next year is frankly going to be full of those kinds of clashes. Go to Glastonbury, bin the wedding.

icedcoffees · 04/09/2021 17:45

It's the best part of a year away-she might be thinking that that's enough notice & a lot of people won't have booked anything yet.

People have always booked things like holidays that far in advance, though. So it's not ridiculous to think someone would double check their friends' plans before booking something as important to them as a wedding.

U2HasTheEdge · 04/09/2021 17:47

Glastonbury without a doubt.

Much more fun. If you go to the wedding I think you would only spend the day thinking about how much fun you could be having if you went to Glasto instead.

If I was getting married and I knew my friend had tickets I would tell her to go and have fun and arrange another time to celebrate.

GrolliffetheDragon · 04/09/2021 18:05

@Aprilx

I am astonished than anyone would put a festival before a good friends wedding. It would really tell me what a low priority I am to a friend that did that.
Alternatively, I would be disappointed they couldn't make it but as a good friend who has been to Glastonbury would absolutely not want them to miss out if they'd managed to get tickets!
Beautiful3 · 04/09/2021 18:25

Just tell her the truth, that you've already bought tickets to Glastonbury, that weekend. No-one would cancel for a wedding.

ConsulTremas · 04/09/2021 18:28

Two of my good friends couldn’t make my wedding because they had pre-booked overseas holidays at the time. It wasn’t an issue - why would I expect them to cancel just because that was the date I’d chosen?

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 04/09/2021 18:29

A million times I would choose Glastonbury over a wedding, go and enjoy