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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To avoid TTC for a summer baby

176 replies

bestwisheskindregards · 04/09/2021 08:24

My partner and I are very ready to TTC but I've read and heard from friends that summer babies, particularly boys, struggle more in schools and generally have lower intelligence and success in later life.

I'm 30 and and my partner is 32 and it'll be our first pregnancy. I'm aware it could take a while so AIBU to avoid a summer baby?

I'm a summer baby and was in top set for some subjects and middle set for others. It was nice that the weather was always nice for my birthday but often no one could make my party as a kid as they we were on holiday.

I'm very torn!

OP posts:
PeanuttyButter · 04/09/2021 10:22

I wanted to avoid summer baby if possible. Started TTC at the right time... Took that long that summer baby was approaching again. It will happen when it happens

MolkosTeenageAngst · 04/09/2021 10:33

With a summer baby you have the choice to defer so you can decide whether they are ready to start school based on your child as an individual rather than as a statistic. Your child may be ready for school by the time they turn 4 but with an autumn baby you have no option but to wait almost another year, with a summer baby you can decide based on what would better suit your child.

ramarama · 04/09/2021 10:40

We don't always have that much control over big decisions like that. Just start trying and see when it happens.

Of all the things that shape children, that one's in the bottom 2%(speaking as the parent of a Summer-born boy who is doing well at school)

Queryquestion · 04/09/2021 10:45

You're not wrong. Most teachers do the same, partly for this reason. It depends how much it matters to you.

I have a very able summer born but it was real struggle at the beginning because she was a baby compared to her peers.

DottyHarmer · 04/09/2021 10:47

Two August babies here - both were quite premature so should have been September.

Both Oxbridge so I guess not much disadvantage!

HarrisMcCoo · 04/09/2021 10:54

@YouMeandtheSpew

Loads of people (who are fortunate enough not to have fertility concerns) do this - some people actively try for September/October babies for this reason. You can stop TTC for a few months for any reason you want.

Be aware of what happened to my parents though. They deliberately conceived me to be born in September so I’d have the advantage of being the oldest in the school year. But I decided to make an appearance more than 2.5 months prematurely. Which meant I had the dual disadvantages of being both a summer baby and having been born prematurely. (I’ve done ok though and I love my July birthday).

Best laid plans and all that - there’s so much we can’t control around conception, pregnancy and birth.

One of my children has this double disadvantage too. Due October, born in August prematurely. Something no one can predict. I didn't plan conception, just left it to nature though. Schooling was not something I considered at this point!
Hardbackwriter · 04/09/2021 10:56

@Whinge

But that's probably the case in Scotland because it's easy and standard to defer - which it still isn't in many areas of England.

It's getting more common, and in the OPs case 4/5 years from now I suspect it will be standard, like it is in Scotland.

I wouldn't want to bet on it - I thought it would be more common by the time mine went to school, and he's going next September and it's still difficult to do here. Plus we have the added complication that we're a grammar area and at the moment if we deferred DS that would essentially count him out of the 11+ because he'd have to take it in year 5 and go straight into year 7. Again that might have been resolved by the time he's that age but it feels like a bit of a gamble to take the decision for him at the age of 3, which is what we'll have to do.
ProfSprout · 04/09/2021 11:00

It is true that overall, summer born children are disadvantaged at school. Of course they are - when they start school they have approximately 20% less life experience than their oldest peers!

At an individual level this can be less obvious - I have my own high-flying summer born. Likewise, being oldest in the year is no guarantee of success. It is also good that deferral is becoming more of an option and more accepted in England, like it already is in many other countries.

However, conception, pregnancy & birth are not something we can have all that much control over, ultimately. I intended to avoid a summer born - 2 years, 2 mc & fertility treatment later I just wanted a baby.

2bazookas · 04/09/2021 11:39

Its nonsense. We purposely planned our children for summer (three birthdays span one fortnight in July. So they started. Primary school at 5yrs 1 month. (August start to school year in Scotland). State schools to top universities to professional careers, now in their 40;s happy and successful.

Advantages of a summer birth; Lovely weather for a newborn to sleep outside in their pram in the fresh air. Which they all did for hours, relaxing for baby and mother. Extra benefit when you have a newborn AND toddlers.
Summer Newborn is in robust optimum health to withstand their first winter's encounter with cold bugs and chest infections.

Great weather for drying the washing outside.   Drying it indoors increases humidity and moulds (bad for infants)

All  birthday parties happen during the (Scottish) school holidays and can be held outdoors, as messy and noisy  as you like. Dog/birds will  tidy up the food debris.

Popular B party themes were;
Fishing
Rowing little boats in the park
River adventure ( explorers head upriver IN the shallow water)
Beach and swimming.
Tents and campfire cooking.
Football party.

  Even NOW, middle aged,. they still enjoy outdoor , rural trips and fun to celebrate birthdays.
Piglet89 · 04/09/2021 11:41

@HumunaHey I know, you read some stupid stuff on here but that’s utterly ridiculous.

HTH1 · 04/09/2021 11:52

You’re a summer baby, do you have lower intelligence and reduced success? If not, why would your child?

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 04/09/2021 12:09

If you do have a summer born, check out the air conditioning situation in the hospital you want to go to.

liquoricecravings · 04/09/2021 12:22

We deliberately waited to ttc at the end of December as I didn't want an August baby. I tracked my ovulation and knew that the dates were late enough that I wouldn't have an August baby unless they were premature and I didn't feel the pressure from myself to conceive on the first try. To our happy surprise I fell pregnant on the first try and our dc arrived early September. We plan to try for our future children to be born in the Autumn/Winter too but will wait till January to ttc next time to give a bit of a buffer in case they're early or we conceive very quickly again. I appreciate that many women don't fall pregnant as quickly and I certainly didn't expect to have a positive test so quickly but I suppose some have to get pregnant first time of trying. If we'd struggled to conceive I wouldn't have cared what month the baby arrived. I like knowing we've given our dc an advantage of being older in the early years.

peppapigfangirl · 04/09/2021 12:44

Yes, you are being unreasonable. You really can't control these things. You might get pregnant in the first month, you might take a year to get pregnant, you might get pregnant and then miscarry.

These sorts of worries are the sort of things you worry about before you actually start trying (I know I did too). Then it took several months to get pregnant, I had a miscarriage then several months again. By that point you couldn't give a toss when the baby is born as long as it arrives.

mistermagpie · 04/09/2021 12:51

I'm surprised by the people who think summer born is great for birthdays. My DS has a July birthday (Scotland so not an issue for school) and his summer birthday is rubbish! Everyone you would invite to a party seems to be on holiday or away, and there isn't the same 'build up' with classmates and things who might be coming to the party because you haven't seen them for a few weeks.

RampantIvy · 04/09/2021 13:01

summer babies, particularly boys, struggle more in schools and generally have lower intelligence and success in later life.

I can understand that an August born child in reception year will struggle more than a September born child, and I can see why deferring a year would be a good idea.

I don't buy that someone born in July or August is less intelligent than someone born in September or October though.

IWasBornInAThunderstorm · 04/09/2021 13:13

I think that people making a fuss about it and trying to avoid it perhaps helps perpetuate a myth. There will be a few children who need to be held back but if there are loads then perhaps the school system needs to change.

sicklycolleague · 04/09/2021 13:30

I’m summer born (December but Kiwi) and had a mix of:
-being 20 months younger than the oldest in my form in secondary school because we had so many international students who were born in 1992, not 1993 (and 10 months older than the youngest)
-being the youngest in a blended class at primary school
-being more than 5 months younger than the next youngest when I was in Australia for a few years because they start school later and mum successfully argued I’d be bored if I was made to do it all again
-the youngest calendar month for the sports year and being very small so I was never particularly coordinated or gifted and was also tiny. Used to run around the pitch looking at my watch 😁

My friends at secondary were mostly May-September births and the only annoyance was that they got to go out drinking during the Rugby World Cup (we turned 18 in 2011) and my parents wouldn’t let me cos I still had several months to go. Also couldn’t drink at graduation

I’m fine, earn well, academically successful etc. My siblings are March, May & August and my mum says you don’t really notice tbh. Someone always has to be the youngest and I think my early social struggles have made me a bit more empathetic. Focussing on one thing in isolation is a bit mad really. I know you want to give your child the best chance but chances are they’ll be fine if you care this much and make sure you read to them, are really invested in their education etc, like my parents (especially my mum) were with me

THNG5 · 04/09/2021 13:31

I wouldn't put off trying to conceive for this reason. I've got 4 children. 3 of them are summer-born. I deferred my oldest and he's just started Reception. It was the best thing for him. My dd is only 2 but I already know I won't be deferring her. Different temperaments, different emotionally/socially than my oldest. I've not yet decided about the last one as he's only 1.
My point is that each child is unique and their birth date is irrelevant.
And trying to conceive can be a stressful business so putting extra pressure for a certain time of year seems crazy!

NeverDropYourMoonCup · 04/09/2021 13:31

I reckon that if somebody were to cross reference the high achieving September/October babies that then fetch up in top universities, a very significant proportion would be children born to teachers, as it's the best time to maximise maternity leave entitlement.

Just by the fact of being born to a teacher, they are immediately in a position of statistically being more likely to attain higher standards due to the educational level of their parents, the financial advantage, the degree of engagement in learning, familiarity with educational language, learning and communication, etc, etc. And when you have parents in a position to plan a baby's birth date to that degree, you're getting people who are more 'sorted' rather than chaotic.

And yes, there is also the element of confidence from being the bigger, stronger, further ahead children in class which doesn't end at 11 - after all, even at 6th form, they'll be the ones able to drive earlier, get part time jobs for over 18s with higher wages sooner, go on holiday alone sooner, etc. They're used to being ahead, so they're often inherently more self assured because it's what they've always known.

But most of all, I'll bet they do better because they're more likely to be from a comfortable, settled, secure family background.

I'd aim for an autumn baby when first trying and then reassess whether this is still a priority if it doesn't happen quickly - I conceived twice almost the moment I'd thought about it, but then had infertility that was never solved. By the time I'd realised that it wasn't going to happen again, it didn't matter about advantages, it was hoping for a miracle that never came. After all, it's only another 3 months.

KatherineOfGaunt · 04/09/2021 13:31

@IWasBornInAThunderstorm

I think that people making a fuss about it and trying to avoid it perhaps helps perpetuate a myth. There will be a few children who need to be held back but if there are loads then perhaps the school system needs to change.
I agree. People worry before seeing what their children are actually like nearer the time.

And something is seriously wrong if people think that summer-born children are less intelligent than children born in other months, purely because of their birth month.

Comedycook · 04/09/2021 13:33

Summer babies are much cheaper in terms of childcare...get em packed off to school nice and early!

Maray1967 · 04/09/2021 13:37

April /may is a great time to have a baby - long days are coming. DS1 born end of may has done fine.
Personally I would avoid an autumn birth if possible, looking at a long winter stretching ahead but I don’t do well getting up on dark mornings.

TheWayTheLightFalls · 04/09/2021 13:38

I don't buy that someone born in July or August is less intelligent than someone born in September or October though.

Of course not, and I suspect the OP used intelligence to mean something else - around measured academic performance/success etc.

I still don't think it's controversial to say that a child who starts school up to a year younger than some peers, with concomitantly less opportunity for speech, less opportunity for fine and gross motor development etc (all being equal, which it isn't...), will have to work harder to end up at the same point.

Mommabear20 · 04/09/2021 13:42

My dad was 1 off 6 kids, the only summer baby (early august) and is the only one of them to have gotten into a grammar school and now has they best job of them all. It depends on the child not their birthday

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