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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To avoid TTC for a summer baby

176 replies

bestwisheskindregards · 04/09/2021 08:24

My partner and I are very ready to TTC but I've read and heard from friends that summer babies, particularly boys, struggle more in schools and generally have lower intelligence and success in later life.

I'm 30 and and my partner is 32 and it'll be our first pregnancy. I'm aware it could take a while so AIBU to avoid a summer baby?

I'm a summer baby and was in top set for some subjects and middle set for others. It was nice that the weather was always nice for my birthday but often no one could make my party as a kid as they we were on holiday.

I'm very torn!

OP posts:
Ughmaybenot · 04/09/2021 09:33

It’s difficult really, you can’t really plan it like that, and you could always defer if late summer born, but you’re not exactly ‘against the clock’ so to speak, so if it’s something you feel strongly about, then it’s up to you.
We started ttc January time, knowing it probably wouldn’t happen straight away so hoping for a late year baby, due to DHs working pattern and being around so much more in the winter. As it happened that was last January, and we’re now due November this year, so while the timings are ‘right’ it took a hell of a lot longer than we thought!
Best of luck, whatever you decide x

SGChome20 · 04/09/2021 09:34

@Thedoctordances

If you start TTC for say, a March-born baby it could take you six months to conceive. By which time you’ll potentially end up with an August/September baby anyway.

Thought it wouldn’t take me long TTC, would have preferred a summer baby but it’s been a year this month, not a sniff of a pregnancy so far.

Agree with this. And if you do struggle and there’s certain months you want to avoid conceiving by the time you’re a good few months in that becomes an even more difficult decision. The chances of it happening first time are unlikely, although not impossible obviously. It took us 18months and I almost ended up with a Christmas Day baby but not quite. Couldn’t have cared less though I was just so happy to have her here!
RampantIvy · 04/09/2021 09:35

DD was born in July. TBH it was only really a problem in year 13 when she couldn't go out round town because you had to be 18 to get into bars past 10pm. She had to decline a few party invitations for that reason.

Moon12345 · 04/09/2021 09:35

I’ve just had a baby boy, my summer baby. If he grows up happy, and lives a contented life, that’ll be all the “success” I could hope for for him. I find it so odd to pile on pressure before you’ve even conceived the child for them to be intelligent, or what you perceive as successful etc.

SpicyJalfrezi · 04/09/2021 09:36

I knew there would be a lot of anecdotes about summer babies being fine and they mostly are. I’d personally try to avoid July and August, though.

MistyMorns · 04/09/2021 09:37

@Equimum

We deliberately attempted this and ended up with a late August baby. It has become much easier to delay Reception entry, so we did just that, and he is one of the oldest on his year.

TTC can be such an unpredictable journey that, from experience, I would suggest just seeing what happens and dealing with the implications of birthdays later.

Good luck

How does deferring work? Are they always one year behind their actual school year?

Or do they just defer Reception and go straight into Year 1?

mistermagpie · 04/09/2021 09:37

I'm a summer born and did fine (masters degree blah blah blah) and I am too superstitious to 'plan' a baby to avoid a certain event or time of year.

BUT - my youngest son will be the oldest in his year (he's 4, Scotland so will go to school next year) and already I see quite a clear difference between him and his peers who are 6 or so months younger. He's nothing special, it's just that he's had a bit more time to develop motor skills and socially etc. He will be nearly 5.5 when he starts school, that's a big difference to a child who is 4.5.

My daughter is the opposite and will be young for her year, I'm less worried about her as girls tend to do better but still. I do get where you're coming from.

If you have the luxury of time (as in, if TTC might take a few years you can handle it) then yeah, wait. But accept that Mother Nature controls these things, not you, so infertility or prematurity can throw a spanner in the works either way.

Farmer98755 · 04/09/2021 09:38

We started TTC for a November baby and i did consider waiting so i didnt have a Christmas baby. So glad i didnt as i am still not pregnant 6 months later. Also i was a baby due in September and was born 6 weeks early. I was still in top sets! You never know how your journey will be so i wouldn't wait

Whinge · 04/09/2021 09:39

How does deferring work? Are they always one year behind their actual school year?
Or do they just defer Reception and go straight into Year 1?

They start the year after, and stay with that cohort. It's becoming quite common. This year we have 5 children who have started after being deferred for a year.

DispareSquid · 04/09/2021 09:40

Two deliberate summer babies here, thinking of benefits health wise, birthday parties etc. Got to looking at schools and now I deeply envy the parents of autumn kids as the whole system is slanted in their favour. I managed to delay my eldest, but our borough is unfavourable and the threat of her being pushed up a year (to make school admin easier presumably? Some super important reason like that) looms over us. No idea what to do about my youngest as both options seem bad.
Then again I'm summer born, and school caused me a lot of damage via bullying so that slants my view rather.

Umbongoumbongo999 · 04/09/2021 09:40

2 of my 3 are July babies (now grown). They have done ok at school and are reasonably academic. However ds in particular was NOT emotionally mature enough for the school transition.he struggled to settle for the first two years, academically and socially. Would he have benefited by an extra year at home/in nursery. Absolutely.

Pros, obviously the summer birthdays . Parties are nicer and it's easy to space big gifts across the year (bike for birthday, games console for Christmas) in a way that is seasonal. However my dd in particular was stung that she was never at school on her actual birthday and thus missed out on the 'birthday pencil' 😁

As a PP said, the stats dont lie and there is plenty of evidence that kids with summer birthdays are disadvantaged by the education system and also in terms of gross and fine motor skills, their physical ability and the likelihood that they will do well in sports.

However if you think time is of the essence, and that conceiving may not be straightforward, I would probably just get on with it. It could take months to get pregnant.

RampantIvy · 04/09/2021 09:40

@SpicyJalfrezi

I knew there would be a lot of anecdotes about summer babies being fine and they mostly are. I’d personally try to avoid July and August, though.
I know. Anecdotes like this aren't very helpful. My year 13 anecdote is more of a practical consideration IMO.
JayDot500 · 04/09/2021 09:42

I am finding this thread quite sad actually. Didn't realise it was that deep. What happens to Autumn babies who don't do well/aren't intelligent?

KatherineOfGaunt · 04/09/2021 09:42

generally have lower intelligence

I'm assuming you didn't mean to be so rude? When you're born has nothing to do with your intelligence, you know. Angry

The local midwife-led units round here often close to new births in September because it's such a busy month and there are so many women wanting to use them. They get so full they have to turn people away, so they don't get the choice and have to go to the main hospital. That would put me off alone trying for a September baby.

By comparison, at Christmas when my DC was born, there was hardly anyone at the hospital and the car park was free parking!

Like others, we tried for 3 years before falling pregnant with our now toddler, including a miscarriage. By that point, I was so desperate for a child I didn't care they were born on Christmas Eve.

It's nice if you can choose when you conceive, but the reality for many is very different.

JeVoudrais · 04/09/2021 09:44

In your shoes yeah I'd delay a couple months. DD is July but only 1 so can't tell you much yet. Infertility issues and whatnot here though so any time of year a baby was welcome!

People will get a bit defensive of their summer borns I expect. Deferring can be a nightmare and I won't do it for DD, I am happy she'll probably get through OK. My SIL is a teacher and said being a girl it really won't be a problem and that it is boys who find it harder b it even they do usually catch up.

I do actually think summer is a wonderful time to have a baby though. We went through winter when she was still glued to me and constantly feeding and came into spring and summer when she was weaned and we could go out and about and do things. I've just gone back to work and now the weather is turning to crap again (I do love autumn and winter but others seem to hide inside forever when the sun goes).

I know someone with a spring baby and think timeline wise for enjoying mat leave that's much worse. But obviously mat leave is a one off event.

ImFree2doasiwant · 04/09/2021 09:45

Not everyone can plan these things. You gave no idea what the child will be like. It took me 2.5yrs to conceive my summer born boy. He was only just 4 when he started primary school. He is very bright, and ahead of his expected levels in everything. But then so is his winter born sibling. Nothing I've done at all.

mygenericusername · 04/09/2021 09:46

One of the youngest in my year.

BSc, MSc, PHD, Working towards MBA. Professional qualifications coming out of you know where. I did just fine.

It’s very much nurture Vs nature for development in the early years.

Samanabanana · 04/09/2021 09:49

You never know how long TTC can take- some things can't be planned! I have a 5yo who is iff to Y1 in September. In his reception year he achieved "exceeding" in all areas. He is inquisitive, interested, engaged, socially and academically intelligent and also one of the youngest in his year groups. Both my DH and I also late summer babies and academic. So not sure it really matters when baby is born!

HumunaHey · 04/09/2021 09:49

@JayDot500

I am finding this thread quite sad actually. Didn't realise it was that deep. What happens to Autumn babies who don't do well/aren't intelligent?
Me too.
TheWayTheLightFalls · 04/09/2021 09:50

The number of incredibly well-qualified summer borns on this thread who can’t get a handle on the difference between anecdote and statistical data is quite something.

Ozgirl75 · 04/09/2021 09:52

Ha, I have an August and a December baby!
Luckily we’re in Australia so I have one with their birthday at the end of winter, and he’s about 1/2 way through the school year, and my early December boy loves his birthday as it’s in summer, and although he’s towards the end of the year, he’s not the very youngest. Anecdotally for him, he’s one of only three boys in his year who have been in A teams for football, cricket and represented the school at cross country, tennis and athletics.
You get the kid you get, there’s a lot more to how well kids do than when they’re born.

AliceW89 · 04/09/2021 09:53

also in terms of gross and fine motor skills, their physical ability and the likelihood that they will do well in sports

Not just being sassy here, I’m genuinely interested. Do you have a link to this - that summer born babies are hindered long term in their motor development and sporting potential? I know the school system does not favour them, but this is new to me. Cheers.

shouldistop · 04/09/2021 09:53

Move to Scotland or defer Smile

OldTinHat · 04/09/2021 09:54

DS2 is an August baby. He's currently at med school. I'm also an August baby and never had any problems.

Dinosaursanddaisies · 04/09/2021 09:56

My younger sisters birthday is 31st August, youngest in the year. She went to school already reading a little, her teacher said she'd be off to Oxford and she was right!
I am an autumn birthday, one of the eldest and was always average lol.
Depends on the child. Wouldn't let it put you off.