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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To avoid TTC for a summer baby

176 replies

bestwisheskindregards · 04/09/2021 08:24

My partner and I are very ready to TTC but I've read and heard from friends that summer babies, particularly boys, struggle more in schools and generally have lower intelligence and success in later life.

I'm 30 and and my partner is 32 and it'll be our first pregnancy. I'm aware it could take a while so AIBU to avoid a summer baby?

I'm a summer baby and was in top set for some subjects and middle set for others. It was nice that the weather was always nice for my birthday but often no one could make my party as a kid as they we were on holiday.

I'm very torn!

OP posts:
Keke94LND · 04/09/2021 08:56

@bestwisheskindregards

My partner and I are very ready to TTC but I've read and heard from friends that summer babies, particularly boys, struggle more in schools and generally have lower intelligence and success in later life.

I'm 30 and and my partner is 32 and it'll be our first pregnancy. I'm aware it could take a while so AIBU to avoid a summer baby?

I'm a summer baby and was in top set for some subjects and middle set for others. It was nice that the weather was always nice for my birthday but often no one could make my party as a kid as they we were on holiday.

I'm very torn!

I was a summer baby (end of august) and I've done just fine... every other august baby I went to school with has done well, including one who went to Oxford uni to do law, we aren't from a posh area and went to state school too
Newmumatlast · 04/09/2021 08:56

@bestwisheskindregards

My partner and I are very ready to TTC but I've read and heard from friends that summer babies, particularly boys, struggle more in schools and generally have lower intelligence and success in later life.

I'm 30 and and my partner is 32 and it'll be our first pregnancy. I'm aware it could take a while so AIBU to avoid a summer baby?

I'm a summer baby and was in top set for some subjects and middle set for others. It was nice that the weather was always nice for my birthday but often no one could make my party as a kid as they we were on holiday.

I'm very torn!

I know plenty of bright, successful summer babies. Its great for toys and clothing gifts being spread out, birthday parties having better chance of good weather, and I wouldnt go worrying about stats when you as a parent can have input into development.

However, as someone who had their first child getting on for mid 30s after 5 years trying and resorting to IVF, nothing is a guarantee (unexplained infertility here so nothing they could find wrong to explain it). I would worry less about trying to time a child and more about just having that blessing whenever it comes.

FWIW in an ideal world I would've opted for a summer baby (I didnt want a bright child having to wait ages to go to school - that's the flip side). Mine was winter and I actually couldn't care less because she is perfect.

MaverickDanger · 04/09/2021 08:56

End of August baby here and I excelled at school, academically and socially. My sibling is a December birthday however and struggled. You just don’t know what sort of kid you have.

In my mum friend group, we have a :

September birthday that’s hated as she will always be back to school

October birthday that’s hated because it’s close to Halloween and the parent doesn’t always want a themed party

December birthday that’s hated because it’s too close to Christmas

January birthday that’s hated because everyone will be too poor to celebrate when he’s older

May birthdays that are hated because they will have exams on their birthdays when they are older.

So there’s no perfect time or month to have a baby and people are a bit weird and irrational. I will say that an August birthday was brilliant as a kid (and probably a parent) for organising parties.

Christmasfairy2020 · 04/09/2021 08:58

Buy an ovulation kit and you should get caught 1st time. We used clear blue. Also I'd love a June birthday we are all winter here and it's irritating

AliceW89 · 04/09/2021 08:58

Summer born boys don’t have lower intelligence. Intelligence is an inherent thing that is independent of when you are born. They may appear to struggle more in the earlier years, as 5 year old girls are generally exponentially more developed socially and emotionally then boys who have just turned 4. As a PP has eluded to though, parental interest in education and access to resources is far more important then when you are born.

Anecdotal but my brother and my DH are both August babies. Both PhD level education. My MIL said my DH struggled at school a lot initially, but within a year or so there was no noticeable difference.

OverTheWater · 04/09/2021 08:59

Took me 10 months ttc no 1 at 34 having just come off the pill.

We did have a brief hiatus so as not to have a due date of 29 August but June, July would not have worried me. As pp says there are many more socio-economic factors that contribute to outcomes.

An October baby will cost you £££s more in early years childcare too!

Theres some research suggesting a link between IQ and maternal vitamin d levels which obviously are lower in the winter, potentially affecting spring and summer born babies, which is partly why a vitamin d supplement is recommended in pregnancy.

www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2020/11/201102142242.htm

heyimadeit · 04/09/2021 09:00

Just have a baby and stop worrying about this sort of thing.

Viciousrooster · 04/09/2021 09:00

The evidence is pretty clear that children born Sept-Nov are statistically over-represented at top universities compared to children born June-August.

I would absolutely avoid, if possible, having a child born in August if they were entering the English/Welsh/NI education system

Hardbackwriter · 04/09/2021 09:04

Of course summer babies aren't 'less intelligent' - that doesn't make you sound too bright! They are disadvantaged in a school system like the UK's, though, and that's a perfectly fine reason to avoid those months for conception, especially if you have no reason to think you'll struggle. I started trying for an October 2016 baby and got a July 2018 one, at which point I couldn't have cared less about his birthday. As he's getting a bit older though it is clear that he is at a bit of a disadvantage because of it (there is an obvious difference between him and the September/October borns in nursery) and so in an ideal world I wouldn't have chosen it.

AnnaSW1 · 04/09/2021 09:04

Your friends are wrong. By the age of 7 it all evens out

Notgotanyidea · 04/09/2021 09:07

A good friend was pleased that her baby was due late September and so would be the older part of the school year. The baby ended up being born early- at the end of August. The baby is now 17 and doing great. Somethings just can’t be guaranteed.

DollyPartBaked · 04/09/2021 09:07

I would hold off trying off for now - if you don't want a summer born baby (although I appreciate it is somewhat out of control for loads of reasons and also summer baby wouldn't bother me anyway for reasons above).

You have no idea how long it is going to take - you might be one of those people who conceive immediately (then it's a shock!) or if you take longer waiting a couple of months isn't going to make a big difference in the scheme of things.

Also if you start trying in December (for a September baby) you can carry on drinking and eating soft cheeses. Being pregnant during the Christmas season but possibly too early along to say anything would be awful.

Hardbackwriter · 04/09/2021 09:08

Oh and I am a July baby, too - one with an Oxbridge degree and a PhD. Which means I know the difference between anecdote and statistical trends Wink and you're right that statistically summer born children are at a disadvantage and the gap narrows over time but never fully closes.

Lorw · 04/09/2021 09:12

More than anything I’d avoid it simply so I wasn’t heavily pregnant in sweltering heat 😂

You can delay TTC for any reason 😁

TheNinny · 04/09/2021 09:12

My sisters DD is the youngest in her class (July) but top of everything. She’s in the states so not sure if that changed things school wise. But she scores really highly on the standardised tests and has had straight A’s in school so far Me and my sister were summer babies in the UK school system and were top sets for everything. I’d never heard of the summer baby disadvantage until mumsnet. Most of my friends in my classes were summer babies now I think about it…

InTheNightWeWillWish · 04/09/2021 09:16

@Christmasfairy2020

Buy an ovulation kit and you should get caught 1st time. We used clear blue. Also I'd love a June birthday we are all winter here and it's irritating
Around 20-30% of couple will get pregnant their first time of trying. That’s a lot of people that won’t get pregnant on the first month of trying, even using an ovulation kit Hmm

You can delay TTC for whatever reason you want but the longer it takes to TTC, the less you’ll care about when they arrive. I’m expecting a winter but unfortunately timed baby. Couldn’t care less as long as they get here safely. And I’m part of the most couples who got pregnant within a year statistic.

LakeShoreD · 04/09/2021 09:19

If you have a summer baby you’ll save almost a year of childcare costs if they start school with their year group. If you really think they’re not ready you can usually defer. Summer weather is great for birthday parties. It’s not all negative. There’s also so much that goes into children’s academic and sporting success; month of birth is such a tiny part of that. If you’re actively trying to have a baby I think it would be madness to skip an entire month (or more) of trying.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/09/2021 09:22

You can do what you what but you get what you get tbh! DC was due october & arrived late August, life happens. Actually she's a smart little cookie.

The time of year doesnt affect your level of intelligence.

What it does mean is that they start school as the youngest of a cohort, so may appear to be behind their school peers in terms of it taking a bit longer for reading/writing etc to click. For a minority of children this may be demotivating. But it's not the universal outcome - plenty of summer born children do well at school from day 1. Teachers understand that a 12m month cohort will have a range of development level and are well prepared to teach for that.

Covidwoes · 04/09/2021 09:22

My eldest DD (now 3) is summer born (when she starts school next year she'll have been 4 for just over a month). I'm a primary teacher and always thought 'oh she'll be so young!', but actually, I think she'll be ready. She's about to start pre-school and she's so so excited and more than ready for it. I do think she may struggle with the tiredness from school to begin with, but like everything she'll get there. It really depends on the child to be honest. I've come across older children who have struggled and summer borns who haven't, and by the time they get to juniors I can't tell who is summer born and who isn't. DD is quite little for her age in terms of size so will probably be wearing an age 3 uniform (bless her), but she can hold her own and I think she'll love the set up of reception.
Also, it's hard to predict what will
happen in a pregnancy. Our first pregnancy was due in March 2018, but I had a MMC. Obviously the choice is yours, but TTC and pregnancy can be very unpredictable.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/09/2021 09:26

Buy an ovulation kit and you should get caught 1st time.

Lol at this. Yeah except that's not exactly guaranteed, and then some people who do conceive will miscarry, or give birth prematurely etc

SkankingMopoke · 04/09/2021 09:29

@AnnaSW1

Your friends are wrong. By the age of 7 it all evens out
DCs taking the 11+ have their scores adjusted for age to account for the difference, so this is not true. August born are marked up around 10% IIRC. I'm sure I read somewhere that there is a (smaller) statistical difference in performance at GCSE between autumn and summer DCs too.

I think, in my limited experience of DC1 and her friends, by 7 quite a lot of the difference has been evened out if the summer DC is bright and NT, but not all. I have 2 summer-born DCs, one of whom is 7. She started school behind her older classmates in a lot of ways, and has mostly made it up academically (albeit with a lot of support from me and DH). She is still behind socially and in her fine motor skills, although there is evidence of mild SEN.

OP I was worried about having summer-borns. I am an autumn-born who did well at school, and my teacher DM had often spoken of the potential disadvantages of being younger in year. Everything I have read has concluded that although it does have an impact, the greatest indicator of academic success is the parent's socio-economic group and attitude to learning and knowledge.

NoIDontWatchLoveIsland · 04/09/2021 09:29

Ps agree that the impact when starting school is more apparent with boys because developmentally they tend to be behind girls, especially in social & communication, at age 4/5.

Take a September born boy & an august born girl and often the girl will be more "school ready" - managing their own clothes, shoes & personal hygiene better, more able to sit and focus on an activity, more competent and willing to use a pencil in a controlled way. It's not intelligence, its simply timing of development.

MarmaladeToastAndAMarmaladeCat · 04/09/2021 09:30

I really wouldn’t try to plan it because you just don’t know how long it’s going to take. DC1 took 5 months to conceive, DC2 took 1 month and am now pregnant with DC3 who took 8 months to conceive. You might get lucky and conceive first month but most people don’t. For what it’s worth I have a July birthday and I don’t feel it has held me back in any way at all. You can always defer a summer born for a year if you feel they aren’t ready for school.

bagelsandoranges · 04/09/2021 09:32

As pp have already said... Time of the year doesn't affect intelligence Confused... that's inherent.

CarrieBlue · 04/09/2021 09:32

We did. The research on summer borns is clear and I wanted to give my children the best possible chances if I could.