Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

lettuce for fifth birthday

325 replies

Franklyfrost · 03/09/2021 20:29

I asked my partner to pay for and pick up some party food for ds 5th birthday and gave him a list on his phone. He calls me from the supermarket to ask what to buy and I end up reading out the list and adding it all to the online shop and buying it myself to save him from carrying it home. I do this nicely. After reminding him about the list on his phone. He doesn't thank me. We agree he should pick up cake ingredients to save me looking up the recipe.

I'm at home looking after four kids under 11 this week, and he asks me if I've done all my work. He's asked me this every day this week and I've told him every day that I can't do my (academic) work while looking after four children, plus doing house work and cooking. I got annoyed today and said that him asking me makes me feel like I'm failing and I've explained to him it's impossible.

So he's come home with four, brown at the bottom, reduced because the best before date is today, gem lettuces from Tescos. For the party on Sunday. He has to go put again now because he's forgotten to buy the cake ingredients. I can't mention to hime that it's a very weird thing to buy for a fifth birthday party as he would be very offended and I'd be a terrible nag. He's no health freak and they weren't on the list. AIBU to think he's losing the plot?

OP posts:
libertybonds · 03/09/2021 23:03

He sounds terrible

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/09/2021 23:03

@ifIwerenotanandroid

Has LTB gone out of fashion?
LTB LTB LTB In what way does he make your life easier???
Kuachui · 03/09/2021 23:11

..... Is he dumb? This all sounds too wierd like he has issues

EezyOozy · 03/09/2021 23:13

It's weaponised incompetence - don't put up with it.

mathanxiety · 03/09/2021 23:49

Strategic incompetence would be buying chilli crisps and saying you hadn't noticed the flames on the packet. This is... I don't know.

This is him saying Fuck Off to you.

You need to find a way to say the same to him.

I vote for @Mummyoflittledragon's suggestion of serving him the progressively mushier lettuce daily next week while you eat something nice.

It makes no sense. He’s not thick. I don’t think he’s bad either.
Do you ever see extremely competent DH at work trying to impress someone? He probably looks like someone you wouldn't recognise.

I wouldn't be so quick to say you don't think he's bad.
He clearly feels you have been home all week 'doing nothing' and now you are making him pick up your slack. That's what all those infuriating questions about your work were all about.

I would actually be very tempted to tell him on the morning of the party that he will be in charge for the day because you are heading out to try to get some of your work done.

Look, this may be meant to be funny but the part I'm picking up on (and which is making me feel stressed just reading it) is that you're looking after 4 young children, cooking, cleaning, trying to plan a party AND trying to do your own academic work. And he can't even pick up some fucking party food. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! You matter. Your health matters. Your sanity matters.
YYY to this.
None of what you posted is funny at all.

Wheresmybiscuit3 · 04/09/2021 00:53

Got a feeling this thread hasn’t gone the way you hoped OP but I agree with all of the other posts.

Very shitty behaviour of your OH

PomBearWithoutHerOFRS · 04/09/2021 02:09

I thought this would be like the time DD asked for a "pompleymouse" for Christmas when she was about 8.
They'd just started doing French at school and she loved the word. A grapefruit duly arrived in her stocking Grin - needless to say, she hated it !

Confusedmeanderings · 04/09/2021 02:33

I give my niece sprouts every Christmas. I can't even remember how it started, but it was a good 12 years ago and now its become a 'thing'. Perhaps lettuce could be your DH's thing?!

Darbysmama · 04/09/2021 04:16

There’s also no fun to be had spending time with someone who refuses to admit you’re usually right either. Lol

Beeinalily · 04/09/2021 05:11

@ManxRhyme perfect!

thelegohooverer · 04/09/2021 05:47

Never mind the lettuce. I want to hear about your academic work.

So he asks if you got it all done, and you say no, and he takes the four kids and looks after dinner, bathes them and puts them to bed so you can study. Or, maybe he’s too tired after work so he takes them on the weekend instead.

You feel like you’re failing but actually he’s the failure here.

LurgyMagnet · 04/09/2021 05:55

If you chop the brown bits off the bottom and take off the outer leaves, those lettuces will probably be ok in the fridge for a few more days (even longer if you use the special green bags that are supposed to keep veg fresh). So I'd be seconding the suggestion of serving him vast quantities of lettuce with every meal until it's all used up, and if he complains tell him you assumed buying them was an expression of a subconscious craving for them.

Mummyoflittledragon · 04/09/2021 06:01

I don’t see why you think this behaviour is kind of ok on some level. Unless you say he’s got x, y and z spectacularly redeeming qualities and is just a bit dim on certain fronts, this is not something to tolerate. I also struggle to understand why you would put yourself down by way of excusing his behaviour and agree this looks a lot like strategic incompetence. How can you justify this so flippantly?

@mathanxiety Idk if I would have the nerve to do this. But it really is a statement that the time for suffering fools gladly is over without having to say a word. I get the impression op gets rather lost with words and if know personally that not everyone is good at arguing their verbally.

Goingdriving · 04/09/2021 06:44

He doesn’t have to be a bad person to be unwittingly strategically incompetent. I am really really all bad at a lot of stuff. Properly domestically challenged. And exceptionally scary and forgetful (driving off with phones on top of car etc).And yet I became far more competent when I became a single mother out of absolute necessity. He doesn’t feel it is necessary to be competent as he knows you’ll pick up the pieces.

PluggingAway · 04/09/2021 06:52

He's either stupid or sneaky. Neither is a great quality in a partner.

timeisnotaline · 04/09/2021 06:58

He’s not thick. He’s just far too amazing and important to do boring shit like shopping. You need to stop caring that he gets huffy and sensitive and tell him like it is. ‘I’m looking at this birthday and thinking what have you done? Bought some lettuce. That’s pretty shit don’t you think? You need to do better or you’ll be lucky to get 4 lettuces for your birthday. One from each child.’ And ignore the huff - just say stop it I know you can do better than that and I’d like to see some of it.

I mean, he sounds totally crap. Worse than useless. If my dh brings home the wrong things I point it out and send him straight back, and now he’s pretty good at shopping.

whateveryouwantmetosay · 04/09/2021 07:08

Lettuce all learn never to send out OH to the supermarket for party food 😜

FFSFFSFFS · 04/09/2021 07:10

Oh this is one of those depressing threads where male disrespect and laziness is meant to be lighthearted and amusing?

So sad. He didn’t buy a lettuce because men are incapable of purchasing food. He did it because he thinks he is more important than you or your children and he has no respect for you.

Eralos · 04/09/2021 07:17

Hilarious

Badabingbadabum · 04/09/2021 07:26

I'll step onto my feminist soapbox here and say that we need to stop laughing off this kind of behaviour; finding it endearing and patting the head of our silly men who can't work out how to go to the supermarket.

Would your dh be so useless at work? If a male colleague asked him to pick up lunch as he was really busy would he get lettuce or a sandwich, bag of crisps and a coke? Dh once said how he just couldn't work out how to use our washing machine or how to separate all our different clothes. I asked him if reading a clothes label was any harder than what he did at work. How he can manage 60 employees but no separate lights and darks. He got it.

InMySpareTime · 04/09/2021 07:31

How has nobody suggested
Leaf The Bastard?

RubySlippers123 · 04/09/2021 07:32

What's your academic work OP?

RubySlippers123 · 04/09/2021 07:32

@InMySpareTime

How has nobody suggested Leaf The Bastard?
🙌
DiscoGlitterBall · 04/09/2021 07:34

So it’s either strategic incompetence(most likely and this is a sickening case of it) or he needs to go to the GP for some kind of referral to a neurologist to check that he is actually well.

As well as leaving him to deal with the lettuce for the birthday, I’d book a gp appointment for him because you are so concerned.

The fact he has asked daily if you’ve got your work done is, in this context, enough to book into a spa for a weekend and leave him with the kids and no shopping. And you can’t even mention it to him because he is a sensitive soul 🙄

UnsuitableHat · 04/09/2021 07:36

As PPs have said. Strategic incompetence. It sounds incredibly frustrating. I've had it with people I managed at work and it's so tempting just to do it yourself next time - which is what they want.

(@InMySpareTime lol)