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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I tell bf about what he ate?

337 replies

troobleflooble · 03/09/2021 19:55

I'm in a new relationship and he is vegan. While I'm not, I understand and appreciate his viewpoint and want to be respectful of his choices so I've become quite thorough at checking labels on things to make sure they are suitable for him.

Was at his place recently and noticed he had something in his fridge I've never tasted before so I picked it up to have a look. Out of habit I checked the label and noticed that it isn't vegan, in fact it's not even vegetarian! I don't think he has realised as, while he isn't militant about it, I'm sure he wouldn't want to eat it if he knew. The jar was half empty so he has definitely been eating it.

I don't want to make him feel bad by pointing it out but if you were vegan would you want to know? Should I say anything?

OP posts:
WinTheNight · 04/09/2021 09:57

I once had a boyfriend who was an absolute militant vegan. Hates anyone who wasn't vegan, talked about veganism constantly, barely tolerated me because I was "only" vegetarian.

Why do you have someone as your boyfriend who had so much hate others and barely tolerated you? 😔

WinTheNight · 04/09/2021 10:01

Posted too soon..

He sounds like a nasty bastard who needs to accept others choices..

Harlequin1088 · 04/09/2021 10:13

@WinTheNight

I once had a boyfriend who was an absolute militant vegan. Hates anyone who wasn't vegan, talked about veganism constantly, barely tolerated me because I was "only" vegetarian.

Why do you have someone as your boyfriend who had so much hate others and barely tolerated you? 😔

He's an ex-boyfriend for a reason lol. I was young and stupid and sadly put up with a lot of shit that I wouldn't dream of tolerating now. Amazingly it wasn't the militant veganism that ended the relationship. It was the fact he was banging trans persons behind my back. That was the nail in the coffin really.
Harlequin1088 · 04/09/2021 10:15

@WinTheNight

Posted too soon..

He sounds like a nasty bastard who needs to accept others choices..

Totally agree. He never had anything good to say about anyone. He traumatised his own mother by taking her to an extreme vegan rally where they showed her graphic videos of animals being slaughtered quite brutally. He took great delight in the fact that she was physically sick.
Libertynan · 04/09/2021 10:51

Yes tell him

Ohfudgeme · 04/09/2021 11:12

Did you tell him?

TractorAndHeadphones · 04/09/2021 11:14

[quote JingsMahBucket]@TractorAndHeadphones
There's no such thing as 'culturally vegan'. Only vegetarian , in which dairy (milk and cheese) play a huge part.

Tell that to a lot of people in India then.[/quote]
They’re vegetarian. I should know, as that’s where Im from .
Another one who can’t read….

Lessstressedhemum · 04/09/2021 11:46

Emmelene, are you my ddil? We all know that I'm the world's worst vegan😁

Lessstressedhemum · 04/09/2021 11:47

Emelene, sorry. We also know I'm the worlds worst speller!

WinTheNight · 04/09/2021 12:07

Totally agree. He never had anything good to say about anyone. He traumatised his own mother by taking her to an extreme vegan rally where they showed her graphic videos of animals being slaughtered quite brutally. He took great delight in the fact that she was physically sick.

He doesn’t sound very nice at all. Glad he’s an ex.
Taking great delight in his mother’s stress is psychopathic.

However, in terms on animals being slaughtered, they are. My thoughts on that are if people can’t cope with that and find it do horrific, then maybe they shouldn’t be eating it.

TSSDNCOP · 04/09/2021 12:10

This thread is brilliant

Cheating vegans
Barbara and Jim from the fridge
Pork pie

Fourandtwentymilliondoors · 04/09/2021 12:14

I’m vegan and I would definitely appreciate you letting me know! I’ve made the odd slip up accidentally since I became vegan and don’t beat myself up about it, so if someone spotted I was eating something non vegan I would really appreciate my mistake being pointed out so I don’t make it again 😊

Passmeamenuatthetottenham · 04/09/2021 12:17

@DismantledKing

Was it a pork pie?
😂
Dinkydonk55 · 04/09/2021 12:18

I’d forget I saw it

TSSDNCOP · 04/09/2021 12:18

You're being far too reasonable @Fourandtwentymilliondoors

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 04/09/2021 12:43

@TheRabbitStoleMyHat

You'd tell him with relish?

Like a chutney maybe?

Henderson's relish is endorsed by the Vegetarian society as Vegan approved...
takehomepay · 04/09/2021 12:51

[quote JingsMahBucket]@TractorAndHeadphones
There's no such thing as 'culturally vegan'. Only vegetarian , in which dairy (milk and cheese) play a huge part.

Tell that to a lot of people in India then.[/quote]
Hindus aren’t typically vegan. Lots of Hindus eat meat too, except for beef.

londonrach · 04/09/2021 13:02

We had this once in my family...an old family friend couple were veggi and been all their life...this was the 80s....my dad found the Margarine contained animal fat...huge debate between mum and dad on whether to tell them. Think the decision was not too. It really depends on what it is and how the person will react. It's possible the ingredients has changed.

Lessstressedhemum · 04/09/2021 14:39

I have been vegetarian for over 40 years. I've been trying to be vegan for the last 4 years, not always successfully. I choose not to beat myself up for the very, very occasional slip up, usually when I'm seeing friends who put out non vegan cake because I would never dream of being rude or putting them out in any way. Its a couple of times a year. Oh and the one ice cream when I was on holiday. That was a choice. What isn't a choice is the non vegan medication that I need to take.

However, I would really want someone to tell me if I was eating something non vegan, especially if it wasn't even vegetarian. I would be horrified that I'd been eating something with meat or fish products in without realising.

The other thing that I always think is that if small, infrequent slips helps people stick to their "rules" the other 99% of the time then that is a whole lot better than not trying at all.

Original poster
troobleflooble · 04/09/2021 14:55

I am going to tell him, I'm seeing him later so I'll do it then.

Although I won't do it when relish (vegan or otherwise 😁) because I am not a mean bitch don't want to rub it in if it's a genuine mistake. He'll probably be mortified when he realises, so I'm just going to say it in a casual, conversation way 😊

Just want to add that I absolutely do not think it's up to me to police his diet, far from it! I just think he, and others in a similar situation, would want to know.

OP posts:
WinTheNight · 04/09/2021 14:55

The other thing that I always think is that if small, infrequent slips helps people stick to their "rules" the other 99% of the time then that is a whole lot better than not trying at all.

I do agree. But for me, I wouldn’t refer to myself as a vegan if I was choosing to sometimes eat meat or dairy, even if occasional. Any reduction in animal products is a good thing though in my opinion.

I have lots of friends who are vegan and we’ve all found that some people assume we must be constantly wanting to eat meat or dairy and find it hard to stick to our ‘diet’. None of us have ever felt that way. For us, knowing what it means for an animal, for me to eat cheese or whatever, I’d never want to eat it.

WinTheNight · 04/09/2021 14:58

troobleflooble

I’m glad you’ve chosen to tell him. I hope he’s not too upset if he didn’t realise. If he did and he’s been telling you he’s vegan then 🤷🏻‍♀️🤣

Soubriquet · 04/09/2021 15:02

Just place marking to see if you destroy his day by making him realise he ate seafood or if he goes “oh I know. I enjoy steak every now and then too” WinkGrin

liveforsummer · 04/09/2021 16:30

All the people laughing at the pork pie comment, do you buy your pork pies in a jar?

You can buy cake in a jar so it's not too absurd to imagine pork pies in one 🤷🏼‍♀️

Lessstressedhemum · 04/09/2021 16:37

Win, therein lies a huge difference. I don't know anyone else who is vegetarian never mind vegan and I never have. I live in an area where it is practically unheard of not to eat meat for every meal. I can't even go for an ice cream with my kids because I'm not catered for. Hence the one off on holiday.
I am viewed pretty much as a freak and folk are always "sympathising" with me. And the number of times I've been told that a good steak would sort out my health problems beggars belief! I cannot even imagine putting a piece of meat or cheese in my mouth🤢

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