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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving in to DP's mortgaged house... who should pay?

291 replies

hollsmoi · 02/09/2021 20:36

I'm shortly due to leave my rental property to move in with DP who already owns a property. The plan is to live together there for a while and if all goes well, we will rent out his place and purchase somewhere together which is more suitable. We are in central London so DP currently rents out one of his bedrooms to a lodger (he makes a lot of profit from this), who will be moving out when I move in.

DP has implied that he expects us to split all outgoings for the house 50/50. Having never moved in to a partner's home, I'm not sure this is right. Without question I will be contributing 50/50 to all of the household bills, council tax, food shop etc. but part of me feels uncomfortable about essentially paying half of his mortgage as 'rent'. AIBU?

Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property. Thoughts welcome as I'm new to this!

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 02/09/2021 23:50

Get your own place. Don't be his replacement lodger and pay half his mortgage. He's not your husband and you've no financial interest in his house. Sleeping with the landlord is all it'll come down to.

FrozenCremeEgg · 02/09/2021 23:56

He is to pay his mortgage as you have no rights to the house if you break up

You pay 50% of all bills
Tax, gas, electric, Food etc

BUT the changes to the spare room are for YOU, so you have to pay.
You say, if you broke up he would benefit BUT he is losing money by you moving in AND he wouldnt want the room as an office, he would convert back to a bedroom to get another lodger

GreyEyedWitch · 03/09/2021 00:13

Your DP isn't being unreasonable to expect rent. If the house/mortgage is much larger than you would need/pay if living alone then I think you have an argument for paying a lower sum. Otherwise, YABU.

Dutchesss · 03/09/2021 00:15

You'd be saving money on rent while moving in with him? YABU to expect not to pay your way. If your partner was renting then you would split 50/50, just because it's a mortgage doesn't mean you should live rent free. Half of bills and half of mortgage seems fair (especially as he is loosing money from evicting his lodger). If any repairs need doing then I would expect him to finance this alone.

thebeatingofthedrums · 03/09/2021 00:25

@hollsmoi

Thanks everyone for the responses so far! I'd be saving a bit of money (about £300 per month) even if I was paying half of the mortgage, as his payments are low and I he will lose money as he made a profit from the lodger
I was going to suggest you paid the same amount as the lodger, but it turns out what he's suggested you pay is less than that.
Pitterpatter000 · 03/09/2021 00:28

I think you're being a bit cheeky to be honest.. What do you expect to pay?

LemonSwan · 03/09/2021 00:48

I think you should tell him how your thoughts on this.

In his shoes I would run a mile

araiwa · 03/09/2021 01:01

He should not let you move in

It will cost him a fortune and you're a cheeky freeloader

fourminutestosavetheworld · 03/09/2021 05:31

If it makes you feel better, in terms of not 'paying off his mortgage', pay all of the food/bills and don't contribute towards the mortgage at all. As long as you're paying roughly equal amounts, it doesn't matter where it's attributed really.

ChorltonWheelie · 03/09/2021 06:11

YABVU

If this was reversed you would be called a cocklodger of the first order and your DP would be told that they should be planning to LTB the tight git ASAP

TakeMe2Insanity · 03/09/2021 06:40

New idea. He rents out his place. Yiu both move into a new rented place?

FlibbertyGiblets · 03/09/2021 07:22

I don't understand when people say pay half his mortgage. Do you mean pay the half to the lender? How does that work, would the lender accept payment from effectively a third party?
Sorry to be so thick.
We had a trad mortgage, a terribly vanilla life, it is paid off now, I am out of the loop wrt modern mortgages...

Dreamingofbeergardens · 03/09/2021 07:24

@TakeMe2Insanity I own my place and if I was her DP, I wouldn't want to move out of my lovely home to rent. It's also such a hassle to move (I hate moving personally)

IsabellesMissingSock · 03/09/2021 07:37

When my partner (now husband) moved into my mortgaged place we settled on a figure which meant he was saving £x per month in rent and I was saving an equivalent amount on mortgage payments. Split bills 50-50 pretty much. Worked for us. I don't know why you expect to live rent free OP.

jozipozi31 · 03/09/2021 07:41

I feel sorry for the guy. You are supposed to be moving in with him and looking to buy a joint house. So presumably you trust him and see him as long term. He's offered to lose money each month so you can be there. And to let you save £300 a month. And you're saying no, you don't want to pay even 1p? So he will lose the whole lot of what he was getting from the lodger, and you will profit not just £300 but presumably at least twice that as paying no rent at all? Or maybe saving way more? At least £600 in your pocket. And he is paying the whole monthly rent or mortgage or whatever we want to call it: the reality is, living in that property costs x a month. You're saying he should pay it all and you nothing.

Plus he should pay thousands for a room to have built in cupboards and desks no doubt specified by you.

I'm really sorry but if you were my son's gf, I'd be feeling really anxious about this for him.

You should pay half the monthly costs with good grace. You should buy your own desks and freestanding cupboards/wardrobes/drawers or pay half cost of built in. He can re-credit you this later if he sells the property.

Partnership isn't you saving a stack and getting a free office and dressing room and no rent to pay. While he pays for it all.

Grimacingfrog · 03/09/2021 07:43

If he was gaining by you moving in I'd say it's fairer to reduce what he wants you to pay. However, it sounds like you are gaining while he is losing, so it's only fair that you pay what he's losing out on, as you still gain overall. Anything else is cheeky.

FlumpsAreShit · 03/09/2021 07:44

50/50 is fair. Don't think of it as the mortgage, think of it as rent to contribute some of what he's losing from his housemate. And I'd be expecting you to cover the office stuff yourself!

LindaEllen · 03/09/2021 07:54

There's no one size fits all for this. I'm in a similar situation, living in DP's house. I pay 50% of bills and get half the food shops. Because my job is WFH (always has been) and DP works full time and then some, I also take care of the vast majority of things in the house. He's happy with the arrangement. Bear in mind his son also lives with us, who is 18, so my paying 50% of the bills plus food I think is fine - as he doesn't contribute, so I could be really arsey and say DP needs to cover his 'share'. But I never have.

I do also throw some money in when we're decorating etc. I've lived here for ages and have absolutely seen the benefit of the money I've spent!

I think if you don't agree on money, things will be difficult. Luckily me and DP are happy with our arrangement.

LindaEllen · 03/09/2021 07:56

@Gwenhwyfar

"You would pay a landlord's mortgage though."

I've rented all my life and never paid my landlord's mortgage. They have always owned outright.

And?

Lots of landlords have mortgages and it's also common to remortgage rentals.

Just because you have an anecdote doesn't mean that's the case across the board.

I'm unsure why your landlords would all share this information with you anyway - leading me to think you're talking bollocks.

freedompeaches · 03/09/2021 07:57

Yabvu to even consider that he should pay towards your office and storage space, wow! He's literally losing money by having you join him

Boulshired · 03/09/2021 07:58

If his mortgage is low I am surprised you will only be saving £300 from renting to sharing in central london. The lodger is paying the going rate of the share and your boyfriend is going to lose money even with you going 50/50. Regardless oh how much the mortgage is, he is still changing less than a lodger. Built in wardrobes would probably add less value to the property than they cost and the desk adds nothing.

trevorandsimon · 03/09/2021 08:00

@Gwenhwyfar

"You would pay a landlord's mortgage though."

I've rented all my life and never paid my landlord's mortgage. They have always owned outright.

How would you know that?
Sufferingburnout · 03/09/2021 08:04

How about you pay 50% of the interest only part of the mortgage? If he only had an interest only mortgage and you paid half then you wouldn’t have any equity stake in the house. I presume it’s repayment so you could pay 50% of the interest part and contribute that way since this would be more in keeping with paying a rent?

Newmumatlast · 03/09/2021 08:04

@hollsmoi

Thanks everyone for the responses so far! I'd be saving a bit of money (about £300 per month) even if I was paying half of the mortgage, as his payments are low and I he will lose money as he made a profit from the lodger
On that basis I think it is fair.

I personally wouldnt want to pay towards someone's asset that I have no share in however at the same time, if you didnt live there you'd be renting doing the same thing! He is losing a lodger who paid towards the mortgage in effect and hasn't acquired any of the asset. And so I think paying an amount to live there (if you see it like that instead) and then a share of bills is fair. I would suggest paying a fair amount compared to what you earn - if you earn 50/50 fine but if he earns more or you do then maybe an adjustment provided noone is worse off because of the arrangement than they were before.

I think if he were trying it on he wouldnt be suggesting giving up his spare room for you to have as an office and then also paying half to kit it out. That is something you need and arguably should pay for so for me that suggests he is trying to approach this in a reasonable way

Newmumatlast · 03/09/2021 08:06

@Boulshired

If his mortgage is low I am surprised you will only be saving £300 from renting to sharing in central london. The lodger is paying the going rate of the share and your boyfriend is going to lose money even with you going 50/50. Regardless oh how much the mortgage is, he is still changing less than a lodger. Built in wardrobes would probably add less value to the property than they cost and the desk adds nothing.
This is also true. He would likely get more from a lodger. Even where I am in the south outside london you're looking at about 450 pm for a box room in a house share.
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