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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Moving in to DP's mortgaged house... who should pay?

291 replies

hollsmoi · 02/09/2021 20:36

I'm shortly due to leave my rental property to move in with DP who already owns a property. The plan is to live together there for a while and if all goes well, we will rent out his place and purchase somewhere together which is more suitable. We are in central London so DP currently rents out one of his bedrooms to a lodger (he makes a lot of profit from this), who will be moving out when I move in.

DP has implied that he expects us to split all outgoings for the house 50/50. Having never moved in to a partner's home, I'm not sure this is right. Without question I will be contributing 50/50 to all of the household bills, council tax, food shop etc. but part of me feels uncomfortable about essentially paying half of his mortgage as 'rent'. AIBU?

Also, when I move in we are needing to covert the spare bedroom to an office space and storage area for me e.g. desks, built in wardrobes and drawers for my things. DP has mentioned when "we" buy these things which again implies 50/50. WIBU to expecting DP to fund this since it's his property and in the event that things didn't work out, he would benefit from them i.e. they'd remain in his property. Thoughts welcome as I'm new to this!

OP posts:
Balonzette · 03/09/2021 12:16

Of course you need to pay at LEAST half for YOUR office equipment!

As for rent, if paying half his mortgage is the same or cheaper for the cost of renting a room, then I think you need to pay it.

You don't sound like you trust him much?

toomuchlaundry · 03/09/2021 12:20

Are you on similar salaries? At the moment it looks like your DP is bringing more financially to the relationship than you are, as he owns a property in central London, which I assume will be worth quite a bit of money, especially as it doesn't sound like a small one bedroom flat.

Twizbe · 03/09/2021 12:24

Not read the full thread but I moved into my now husbands inherited house before we were married.

I paid half the bills but wouldn't pay have the mortgage if there was one.

I also only bought movable furniture. We renovated the house before we got married too. I didn't put any money into the build, but I did buy the fridge and our bed. Plus a few other bits of furniture.

Once married, I was fine to contribute to the next renovation as the house is now part mine.

MistySkiesAfterRain · 03/09/2021 12:26

Say they split after 5 years, and the property is now worth less than it was before (say was worth 100, now is worth 80 just example numbers), if she was not paying 'rent' should she then give DP half the value that has been lost (100-80 = 20 / 2 = 10)?

That is a fair point I suppose.

But the question also is if they split after 5 years and she had paid rent and the property is worth more then does she get a portion of the equity increase? As presumably in five years op could have done any number of things if she was single i.e. moved somewhere cheaper, saved for a deposit etc.

Thats why paying the interest is good, as then you are saying from the outset that op would NOT be entitled to any of the equity as she was just paying the interest.

Interest can be quite a lot p/m.

Original poster
hollsmoi · 03/09/2021 12:38

Thanks again everyone for all of the replies. As I mentioned, moving in to a partner's owned property is not something I've done before and a lot of these responses have really helped me put things in to context, I'm definitely not trying to freeload or put DP in a negative position. We are going to sit down and discuss everything tonight but I will be suggesting I fund all of the furniture for my office/storage room and will ensure those items are removable rather than anything fitted, which I'd feel more comfortable with. I can see that some sort of rental contribution would also be fair given the circumstances, so we will chat about that too.

OP posts:
Kithic · 03/09/2021 12:41

@MistySkiesAfterRain

Say they split after 5 years, and the property is now worth less than it was before (say was worth 100, now is worth 80 just example numbers), if she was not paying 'rent' should she then give DP half the value that has been lost (100-80 = 20 / 2 = 10)?

That is a fair point I suppose.

But the question also is if they split after 5 years and she had paid rent and the property is worth more then does she get a portion of the equity increase? As presumably in five years op could have done any number of things if she was single i.e. moved somewhere cheaper, saved for a deposit etc.

Thats why paying the interest is good, as then you are saying from the outset that op would NOT be entitled to any of the equity as she was just paying the interest.

Interest can be quite a lot p/m.

thats kind of where i was going (i explained badly)
Kisskiss · 03/09/2021 12:45

If ‘half the mortgage ‘ is less than what he was charging his lodger/the going rate for a room in that area on a flat share basis, then you are actually getting a good deal.. it’s not about paying half his mortgage, it’s just paying cost of living someplace!

Waspie · 03/09/2021 12:57

He's a bit mad if he lets you pay half his mortgage as it could mean you would have an argument to claim on it should you split up.

When my DP moved into my house years ago he was my lodger and I charged him the local room rate and half of food. Utilities were included in room rate. We kept the arrangement like this until we bought a house together.

womaninatightspot · 03/09/2021 13:06

i think its going to cost him quite a lot having no lodger and you'll be saving as not paying rent so there should be some middle ground surely?

The storage stuff could the room still be used by a lodger with the new storage if you moved out or would it need removed to accomodate a bed? Freestanding furniture the compromise?

SleepingStandingUp · 03/09/2021 13:12

I'm currently paying all of a man's mortgage and when i move out (been here 10 years so far) I'll have no rights to the property because we're not married. Abd because he's my landlord.

I don't think moving in with a partner is that different in that sense although you could ask to sign the same agreement his lodger did if you want protection from him kicking you out on the streets.

So I'd say half the price of utilities, and then negotiate on the rent. What did you pay in your last place? What did his lodger pay? He shouldn't be making a profit from you but equally you shouldn't be the only one better off.

Spaceman1 · 03/09/2021 13:18

I would suggest he pays the same amount a lodger would, he is getting more than just the share of the utilities, he is getting accommodation too, so should pay for that.

TractorAndHeadphones · 03/09/2021 13:20

@AlbertBridge

I assume he'll be the one paying the extra 3% stamp duty on the house you buy together, as it'll be his second property?

I think this whole situation sounds pretty bleak though, tbh. Moving in to his place on a trial basis. Wondering if you'll have to chip in for your own desk. Where's the joy, love and excitement?!

Joy, love and excitement doesn’t pay the bills! But a fair financial footing creates all of the above. Instead of resentment. HTH
AmelieLovesAutumn · 03/09/2021 13:32

I read a lot of the other posts, but not all of them

My take is that he is losing his income from his lodger & you should make up that loss from the rent you are not having to pay.

It's hard to know how much you should pay as we don't know how much his lodger pays or how much your rent is?!

It's not about 'paying his mortgage' it's about you paying for the roof over your head & making sure it's fair to you both. Neither of you should lose out financially.

As for the furniture/room YOU should pay for it, buy freestanding and it's yours to take with you when you leave. Fitted is expensive & unnecessary at this stage.

AmelieLovesAutumn · 03/09/2021 13:41

@Lockdownbear
@CarrotTops

& some others...

But WHY should he lose all the money from his lodger, so she can live rent free. It doesn't matter whether he spends the money on his mortgage or sweets... it's reasonable that she pays rent for the roof over her head!!

Why should she save a lot of money doing this while he loses a lot of money doing this???

Lockdownbear · 03/09/2021 13:48

He's not loosing money, he's investing in his house that she has no claim over. He will always have the money that he pays into the capital of the mortgage.

The interest is a cost that I view differently.

HardStaringBearFromDarkestPeru · 03/09/2021 13:50

Whatever you decide, get it drawn up in a legally binding contract. Unromantic but at least you both know where you stand.

I had a DP move in with me into a mortgage-free family owned property. He paid 50% council tax & utilities (£250 in total). All property costs were paid for my family. If things had moved on, we would have bought somewhere 50/50.
As it was, by the end of the relationship, he had saved a tidy sum which enabled him to buy a place of his own.

Kithic · 03/09/2021 13:53

@Lockdownbear

He's not loosing money, he's investing in his house that she has no claim over. He will always have the money that he pays into the capital of the mortgage.

The interest is a cost that I view differently.

he has a lodger who will be moving out when OP moves in, We are in central London so DP currently rents out one of his bedrooms to a lodger (he makes a lot of profit from this), who will be moving out when I move in. if thats not losing money, then i dont know what is
FoxesAtDawn · 03/09/2021 14:12

OP’s situation is nothing like renting from a LL. She will have no tenancy agreement, no protections and nothing to stop her being thrown out with immediate effect so I don’t think it’s a reasonable comparison.

It’s tricky because I do think a contribution is fair but 50/50 for none of the normal protections from renting doesn’t sound fair. Plus think about it this way - OP continues to pay rent whilst damaging her saving capacity. When they buy together partner has only been paying half the mortgage but gets to put the 100% of equity into his share and OP can only contribute what’s she’s been able to save so they’ll never end up being on equal footing.

I don’t think there’s one right answer to this, but I do think there needs to be some consideration for safeguarding OP’s future.

Movingsoon21 · 03/09/2021 14:16

You were paying rent to live in your previous flat so why wouldn’t you pay rent to DP? How come you get to live for free and his home outgoings double as he’s lost his lodger? That makes no sense and would make you a cheeky freeloader!

Why not just pay him whatever you paid for rent at your last place. You won’t be any worse off and although he will be as his lodger was paying a lot, hopefully it will be worth it for him to have you live there!

Maskless · 03/09/2021 14:16

Why don't you simply pay exactly what the lodger used to pay? Your DP was happy with that. And if you went into any other house share that is what you would pay.

Plus of course half the food, which would not have been part of the lodger's rent.

What's wrong with that?

ManifestDestinee · 03/09/2021 14:44

OP’s situation is nothing like renting from a LL. She will have no tenancy agreement, no protections and nothing to stop her being thrown out with immediate effect so I don’t think it’s a reasonable comparison

It's the exact same as being a lodger. And lodgers pay money to lodge. They don't lodge for free and take another bedroom as an office and expert free office equipment as well.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 03/09/2021 14:52

@Mayorquimby2

Seems he's trading one type of lodger for another
I agree. A lodger or a tenant has rights, protected by law. A landlord also is not in relationship and having sex with his tenant/lodger. He could just chuck the OP out with no notice and she'd have to find someone else.

OP I'd not build anything in to the property. And save so if it all goes tits up you can rent again.

LittleMysSister · 03/09/2021 14:55

@ManifestDestinee

OP’s situation is nothing like renting from a LL. She will have no tenancy agreement, no protections and nothing to stop her being thrown out with immediate effect so I don’t think it’s a reasonable comparison

It's the exact same as being a lodger. And lodgers pay money to lodge. They don't lodge for free and take another bedroom as an office and expert free office equipment as well.

Also the eventual plan is to buy somewhere together so in the long-term OP will benefit as they will presumably be able to afford a better property by using the deposit raised by this house.
FoxesAtDawn · 03/09/2021 14:57

It's the exact same as being a lodger. And lodgers pay money to lodge. They don't lodge for free and take another bedroom as an office and expert free office equipment as well.

Nor do lodgers pay exactly 50/50 of all household related costs and mortgage. The pay a set amount which includes rent + bills.

Horehound · 03/09/2021 14:59

I think it should be looked at separately than comparing to a lodger renting.
I initially posted saying she should pay half but after a discussion with my husband he was shocked when I read out the op.
He made me see that it is a bit weird to be expecting your gf/bf to pay half towards what is their asset
It's a relationship not a business deal. So if the guy sees it as a negative that he is losing a lodger but can't see the fun/moving forward with a relationship then that's not a great sign imo.