Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Discovered (by accident) BIL is bankrupt. Do I tell SIL?

487 replies

PoppyWoods · 02/09/2021 20:08

Part of my job is to check the insolvency register. It's a public register, freely accessible to all.

I put in various names, mine, my parents, my sisters and brothers, not expecting to find anything. Anyway to my horror I discovered my BIL was declared bankrupt 3 months ago. It's definitely him as it lists full name, address and dob.

My SIL has never mentioned it. We're fairly close and she's disclosed very personal things to me in the past, so I'm wondering if she even knows. Is it even possible that he could go through the process and her be totally unaware?

My dilemma is, do I tell her or not? What if she doesn't know? What if she does know and she's so mortified she hasn't told anyone? What if she accuses me of snooping and interfering?

I honestly don't know what I do with this information (if anything). Appreciate your thoughts

OP posts:
ClareBlue · 04/09/2021 23:19

@LizzieW1969

It’s not confidential, so I doubt the OP could be in trouble for doing these searches. But it was nosey and intrusive of her. It wouldn’t even occur to most of us to even think about doing such a search on family members. It isn’t as if she was doing it out of concern for her SIL, she had no reason to suspect that her BIL was about to go bankrupt.
Except he is a compulsive gambler who has history of running up secret debts that his wife didn't know about
ClareBlue · 04/09/2021 23:29

@forinborin

99% that she does know. It is something that would be really hard, practically impossible to conceal from a spouse (assuming they live together and don't keep 100% separate budgets).
It really isn't impossible, in fact very easy. As the post above yours explains from a professional and as PP have described the first they knew was bailiffs arriving. Long term she will get to know but he absolutely can be on that register without his wife knowing. Again, don't under estimate the lengths pathological gamblers will go to enable their addiction.
OhGiveUp · 04/09/2021 23:46

If you are declared bankrupt, then everyone over the age of 18 who resides in the address is served with the notice.
You were snooping OP, however you dress it up.
You can't interfere with someone else's relationship, especially between husband and wife. It is absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with you.
Stop snooping on people.

Madge55 · 05/09/2021 01:25

I thought it was your sister and bro in law. I know you said you were close but maybe you broaching what you know with her might cause her to be as irate as some of the folk on here and cause an irreparable family split, so for that reason I would be really careful. Its akin to telling your friend her boyfriend/husband is cheating and somehow you become the villain.

YourFinestPantaloons · 05/09/2021 01:55

@Miniroofbox

That’s a data protection breach. What’s your justification for searching family members? I bet your work policy doesn’t say look up your BIL.
It's a public register. I can do it. I just did with a random name. Not a breach of data at all
YourFinestPantaloons · 05/09/2021 01:57

Honestly OP some things are best left unsaid. It's obviously very distressing for them at the moment.

I am laughing though at the people suggesting OP fir something that means she'll be sacked. honestly do people not even read OPs these days!

Sadiecow · 05/09/2021 03:50

It's tough, it's a bit like discovering someone having had an affair.

It may be the partner knew and they are trying again? Then you bring it up and it just stirs up a hornets nest of issues.

I think I'd keep an eye and offer help if needed.

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 05/09/2021 09:17

If you are declared bankrupt, then everyone over the age of 18 who resides in the address is served with the notice

By whom? The Courts definitely don't do this abs it's not unusual for the bankrupt to hide post.

bellabasset · 05/09/2021 09:42

The bankruptcy will have been published in the Gazette or local press so it's not a secret. As OP refers to her SIL I'm assuming she is DH's sibling. I would leave it up to dh to decide if he should talk to his dsis to offer her some moral support at least. She might need some independent legal help regarding the house, bank accounts joint savings.

blubberyboo · 05/09/2021 14:47

You shouldn’t tell her that you were snooping as she will likely be mortified and cross with you.

Most likely she already knows as there will have been a summons and the joint assets will be investigated as part of the bankruptcy.

If you are really concerned that she might not know print it out and post it to her anonymously and make it look like it’s been sent from an official source.

HyggeTygge · 05/09/2021 15:34

print it out and post it to her anonymously and make it look like it’s been sent from an official source.

I'm sure op doesn't need this pointing out but: for the love of God, please don't forge imitation documents pretending to be from the government.

OhGiveUp · 05/09/2021 16:53

Inland Revenue served it.

worriedatthemoment · 05/09/2021 19:13

@Jemand like i have said a 100 times my post was to a pp who said no job would discipline for using internet at work , I simply said mine would , we have a no using company tech for personal stuff not even for 2 mins , very strict enforced policy

worriedatthemoment · 05/09/2021 19:16

@MurielSpriggs other people who may do business are entitled to know but snooping on family members is a bit ott
I would't go looking for this info about my friends and family would you?
Why do you need to know about a family member ?

DominicRaabsTravelAgent · 05/09/2021 21:21

When was the last time you saw bankruptcy notices in the local press @bellabasset?

user1471439310 · 06/09/2021 19:09

I feel you knew he was a gambler so went snooping to see what you could find. You were going to sleep on it and decide later, just stop and mind your business. If I was the SIL and you told me what you dis I wouldn't bother with you again.

nomoneytreehere · 06/09/2021 19:20

Lots of people are allowed to use work computers for personal things (hence why Facebook isn't always blocked). OP hasn't broken any data protection rules IMO.

HyggeTygge · 06/10/2021 18:57

What did you do in the end, @PoppyWoods ?

Original poster
PoppyWoods · 04/11/2021 13:10

@HyggeTygge

What did you do in the end, *@PoppyWoods* ?
I didn't do anything.

She has since told me that they are 'going through a rough patch'. I never coughed I knew anything and she didn't elaborate.

OP posts:
DeeCeeCherry · 04/11/2021 15:11

OP I hope you tell them and they ostracise you, then tell your employers that you're abusing your position via being a nosey snoop.

Your SIL likely knows but didn't tell you - can you guess why....

& DelphiGirl you can stop bleating too. We know it's a public register thanks. Like most people of decent character there's neither the time inclination or crave to spy on family and friends. That level of insidiousness is nothing to laud or admire.

Tell your family and friends you do this then and it's cool because "it's a public register," and see what they say.

maddy68 · 04/11/2021 15:16

What on earth does this have to do with you and why do you assume she doesn't know?

DrSbaitso · 04/11/2021 15:30

@DeeCeeCherry

OP I hope you tell them and they ostracise you, then tell your employers that you're abusing your position via being a nosey snoop.

Your SIL likely knows but didn't tell you - can you guess why....

& DelphiGirl you can stop bleating too. We know it's a public register thanks. Like most people of decent character there's neither the time inclination or crave to spy on family and friends. That level of insidiousness is nothing to laud or admire.

Tell your family and friends you do this then and it's cool because "it's a public register," and see what they say.

How is it an abuse of her position?
Pazuzu · 04/11/2021 15:49

There is absolutely no data protection breach here. It's a public register and it's also advertised in the London Gazette and local newspapers. The public announcement is to protect creditors.

Although it's unusual, unless all outgoings and assets are in the bankrupts sole name, it's highly unlikely that you could keep a bankruptcy secret. The entire system is designed to make it public so that creditors are not subject to further loss or risk of loss.

PilesEdgeworth · 04/11/2021 16:04

I've done similar in the past - I regularly have to search the court registry. In moments of boredom I've searched my own name and those of family members. Never any relevant results though, nor did I expect there to be. Just mindless procrastinating.

HyggeTygge · 04/11/2021 16:49

Thanks for the update op! Wonder if she does know, then....

Swipe left for the next trending thread