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Original poster

Discovered (by accident) BIL is bankrupt. Do I tell SIL?

487 replies

PoppyWoods · 02/09/2021 20:08

Part of my job is to check the insolvency register. It's a public register, freely accessible to all.

I put in various names, mine, my parents, my sisters and brothers, not expecting to find anything. Anyway to my horror I discovered my BIL was declared bankrupt 3 months ago. It's definitely him as it lists full name, address and dob.

My SIL has never mentioned it. We're fairly close and she's disclosed very personal things to me in the past, so I'm wondering if she even knows. Is it even possible that he could go through the process and her be totally unaware?

My dilemma is, do I tell her or not? What if she doesn't know? What if she does know and she's so mortified she hasn't told anyone? What if she accuses me of snooping and interfering?

I honestly don't know what I do with this information (if anything). Appreciate your thoughts

OP posts:
aprilshowers2015 · 03/09/2021 07:30

I can't imagine her not knowing, it's far more likely that she/they're not wanting it to become common (family) knowledge. Them finding out that you know could create more problems for them as they try to work through it.
I wouldn't say anything OP, keep it totally to yourself and just be prepared to be as supportive as possible if/when you're told.

GnomeDePlume · 03/09/2021 08:20

@PoppyWoods I dont think it matters how you found out, you know.

If you have found out then it may be better that you speak with SiL before someone with less tact and discretion shouts it from the roof tops. They may have been hoping to keep it a secret but as you know, this information is in the public domain.

If this is news to SiL then she may be very panicked. Equally if she knows she may be very panicked.

All you can do is be her friend. She may be relieved when she finds out you know. Finally she may have someone she can talk to. These are dark times for her.

BroccoliFloret · 03/09/2021 08:28

@QueenBee52

wow.. this information is not Secret, anyone can view it...

Do people seriously not know this Confused

No they don't. People are very ignorant about what information is out there about them.

People are similarly horrified that with a few clicks, I could find your birth record, your parents' marriage, mother's maiden name, siblings...

HattieBlue · 03/09/2021 08:29

If they jointly own any asset the people assigned to claw back money from assets (trustees) will write to your SIL regarding the fact they now own his share of the asset (house). Although they are very busy so may not get this for 3-5months after bankruptcy notice. Therefore if she doesn't know she will shortly.

HJ40 · 03/09/2021 08:31

Please keep shouting the moral outrage and flinging HR concerns and GDPR about, the nonsense being peddled is making me smile no end.

And AS IF everyone on this thread has not a shred on inbuilt curiosity. But that's ok, you just keep polishing those halos.

None of you ever had a peep at a neighbour's house on right move?

I damn we'll have. And I look up company records and I use linked in. And I can live with myself. Far better to be honest than two faced.

luckylavender · 03/09/2021 08:45

@caughtinanet - you have maybe never worked in Financial Services. As I said Employment Contracts are key here. Sneer all you like.

BroccoliFloret · 03/09/2021 08:46

I use a lot of databases in research. All databases have their own quirks - some will let you use wildcards like , others won't, for example. So before searching for information you don't know, it's sometimes easier to search someone you do know. To see what sort of results you can expect, to confirm the accuracy of the database, to see what comes up if you just put in postcode or M Mac*d instead of Marjory MacDonald, or whatever.

I have searched myself so many times in these sorts of scenarios.

On the issue of whether the OP should tell her inlaws, probably not. But the searching in itself is such a non-issue.

Newmumatlast · 03/09/2021 08:47

@PoppyWoods

Part of my job is to check the insolvency register. It's a public register, freely accessible to all.

I put in various names, mine, my parents, my sisters and brothers, not expecting to find anything. Anyway to my horror I discovered my BIL was declared bankrupt 3 months ago. It's definitely him as it lists full name, address and dob.

My SIL has never mentioned it. We're fairly close and she's disclosed very personal things to me in the past, so I'm wondering if she even knows. Is it even possible that he could go through the process and her be totally unaware?

My dilemma is, do I tell her or not? What if she doesn't know? What if she does know and she's so mortified she hasn't told anyone? What if she accuses me of snooping and interfering?

I honestly don't know what I do with this information (if anything). Appreciate your thoughts

What you have done isnt lawful. So no
Newmumatlast · 03/09/2021 08:49

@HJ40

Please keep shouting the moral outrage and flinging HR concerns and GDPR about, the nonsense being peddled is making me smile no end.

And AS IF everyone on this thread has not a shred on inbuilt curiosity. But that's ok, you just keep polishing those halos.

None of you ever had a peep at a neighbour's house on right move?

I damn we'll have. And I look up company records and I use linked in. And I can live with myself. Far better to be honest than two faced.

There is a difference though between people pointing out something isnt appropriate and actually doing it. I think its accepted some people will snoop but they cant do anything with that information without admitting to the snooping so it is a dangerous game
luckylavender · 03/09/2021 08:50

@blueshoes - how am I scare mongering? If the OP has nothing to hide she'll be fine.

HeartsAndClubs · 03/09/2021 08:53

What you have done isnt lawful. So no ooh. Who knew that searching a public record is unlawful. Confused

My eXH used to have a saying. He used to say “the world is full of idiots, and I see nothing on a daily basis which would change my mind. Seems that is playing out so nicely on this thread….

HeartsAndClubs · 03/09/2021 09:00

I damn we'll have. And I look up company records and I use linked in. And I can live with myself. Far better to be honest than two faced. I don’t believe there is a single person on this thread who hasn’t.

And I would bet money that the majority of the morally outraged on here clicked on that bankruptcy link and typed someone’s name into it.

If information is in the public domain then it’s fair game. And that includes people’s facebook profiles with pictures of their children on them which they are too stupid to lock down but still use to live out their personal lives.

A family member of mine found out they had a half sibling they didn’t know about. Even though their fb profile was locked down their husband’s wasn’t. They both had linkedin profiles as well. Within the space of about 15 minutes I was able to find out where they live, the names of their children and their dates of birth, the fact there was another sibling who had passed away, and on what date and what of.

This is the world we live in.

If something happens in your life which is down in writing somewhere, then it’s no longer in the private domain. The sooner people realise this the better.

Urghhhhh · 03/09/2021 09:01

@PoppyWoods, i'm with you OP.
I would be concerned that she'll be blindsighted and I couldn't stand around and do nothing.

I would drop her the info anonymously. That way if she does know, no harm is done to your relationship. Don't second guess yourself based on all these misinformed and selfrightous comments.

SeptemberAlexandra · 03/09/2021 09:04

If I was the SIL I’d be pretty annoyed that someone was snooping on my family, irrespective of whether it was public information or not.

Urghhhhh · 03/09/2021 09:05

@SeptemberAlexandra

If I was the SIL I’d be pretty annoyed that someone was snooping on my family, irrespective of whether it was public information or not.
Would you still feel the same if you hadnt known about the bankruptcy? I seriously doubt it.
GnomeDePlume · 03/09/2021 09:06

Never seen a thread with so much pearl clutching and 'outrage'!

(plus lots of nonsense about GDPR, gross misconduct etc)

Lots of information sits in the public domain. Bankruptcy is there so that anyone potentially lending money or trading with someone can check.

One of my concerns in this scenario would be family members being asked to help out and finding that they are effectively throwing good money after bad.

DeadButDelicious · 03/09/2021 09:12

I would stay right out of this. You've gone snooping on family members, they may not take that too kindly. I know I wouldn't.

I know next to nothing about bankruptcy but I find it unlikely that she doesn't know or won't know soon enough. Do you really want to be the one that throws that grenade? She may not want her family to know. That's her choice. And if she doesn't know that's a whole other kettle of fish.

Quite the sticky wicket you've got yourself in here.

HeartsAndClubs · 03/09/2021 09:24

I know next to nothing about bankruptcy but I find it unlikely that she doesn't know or won't know soon enough. Do you really want to be the one that throws that grenade? She may not want her family to know. That's her choice. And if she doesn't know that's a whole other kettle of fish. but as PP said, what if she then asks that family to lend her money, and they do so while oblivious of the fact that the reason she needs that money is because her husband has made them bankrupt through his gambling debts?

Also, there are ramifications here. If you’ve been declared bankrupt then you can’t have family for instance pay for certain things in your life because that money is considered an income. You can’t be given gifts because those gifts are then considered assets and can be seized.

We had a friend who went bankrupt because his wife was seriously ill and there were major implications to that which I won’t go into, but it wasn’t anything they had any control of.

But when we offered to help them pay for their DD’s drama classes out of school we were told that he wasn’t allowed to accept any kind of payment from us.

When her mum bought her a digital piano the mum had to say that it was actually her’s and that it was being stored in their house.

The reality is that if they are declared bankrupt to the extent their property and assets are seized it’s not something they’re going to be able to keep from family anyway.

Sunshinealligator · 03/09/2021 09:39

@PoppyWoods

Part of my job is to check the insolvency register. It's a public register, freely accessible to all.

I put in various names, mine, my parents, my sisters and brothers, not expecting to find anything. Anyway to my horror I discovered my BIL was declared bankrupt 3 months ago. It's definitely him as it lists full name, address and dob.

My SIL has never mentioned it. We're fairly close and she's disclosed very personal things to me in the past, so I'm wondering if she even knows. Is it even possible that he could go through the process and her be totally unaware?

My dilemma is, do I tell her or not? What if she doesn't know? What if she does know and she's so mortified she hasn't told anyone? What if she accuses me of snooping and interfering?

I honestly don't know what I do with this information (if anything). Appreciate your thoughts

As someone who's husband was made bankrupt, I would discuss it with her, because if she doesn't know, this will all be earth shattering for her.

When my Husband was made bankrupt, he had "borrowed" from me in the form of taking out credit in my name, and maxed out 5 credit cards in my name. He also took me to a car showroom (I didn't even drive at the time) and explained to me that if I took out the credit for the car, I'd get a better rate on the loan, than he would. So I took out a £12k loan.
I found a letter about his bankruptcy hearing about 3 days before.

Then I realised I'd been duped by him, all of the bills were in arrears, I'd been giving him money to pay, but he was gambling it all away.

I didn't have money to pay off those loans on my own, the credit cards he promised to pay off after he purchased things like car insurance on them, work tools, petrol to get to work-that sort of thing.
I was then saddled with council tax debts, water debts, electric debts and then our late rent

It's turning into a bit of a tangent, but what I'm trying to get accross is if he's secretive enough that she doesn't know he was being made bankrupt, she may find herself with letters from debt collectors quite soon, which she will need to take entire responsibility of.

I'm so sorry that your sister is going through this.

Jemand · 03/09/2021 10:14

@bobbeebob

Would you get in trouble at work?

What about their GDPR policy?

Dont get yourself in trouble

How could looking at a public website breach GDPR?
Jemand · 03/09/2021 10:17

No Data Protection issues, public register

That’s irrelevant that it’s a public register. You should only be accessing an individual’s data as and when your job requires it. Not to snoop on people you know

Self-evidently, the fact that it's a pubic register is 100% relevant to the question of whether there are Data Protection issues. Why do you think otherwise, @BritWifeInUSA?

Jemand · 03/09/2021 10:21

[quote luckylavender]@caughtinanet - you have maybe never worked in Financial Services. As I said Employment Contracts are key here. Sneer all you like.[/quote]
No employment contract is going to prohibit employees from using public websites as a data protection/financial services duty issue. It might have rules around using the internet during office hours on the employer's equipment, but that's not the point you're making.

MyBadHabitsLeadToYou · 03/09/2021 10:24

I honestly love this thread Grin

Jemand · 03/09/2021 10:24

What you have done isnt lawful. So no

How exactly is it not lawful, @Newmumatlast?

Excelthetube · 03/09/2021 10:30

This is the thread that keeps giving.

I can’t believe after 15 pages people still think this is illegal.

It’s public
FML