DD refusing to wear sanitary products

[Cocopogo]

DD is 12, she’s on her third period and refuses to wear sanitary pads. She says they are uncomfortable. I help her put one on and ensure she has spares etc but then she goes to the bathroom and removes it. She’s possibly got sensory issues too. She has stained my car seat and the carpet due to this. Anyone else had this problem? How did you overcome it?

I remember getting lots of chats about this sort of stuff in school, has she missed a lot of that because of covid and lockdowns?

It might be easier for her to hear how to look after herself in a classroom environment rather than you at home. No disrespect but sometimes school can put it across better because there's no nagging and sometimes mums are just never right.

Hope you get help for her soon.

@Formaldeheidi

Well JINX the lot of you

😂👍

sex ed in school in yr 5 and yr 7, and bought her the Usborne “what’s happening to me” book as previously recommended on MN which she wanted to read with me back in Year 5 and then was left in her room on her bookcase for her to look at whenever she wants. She felt comfortable to come and tell me when she had started. She was happy to peruse the aisles in supermarket and choose different brands (after this issue with first period) and seemed to settle on the lillets but continued this. I’ve discussed the period pants with her and asked her if she’d prefer them and she says yes, I told her they are expensive so is she sure? As she’d have to give them a proper try and wear them for a while to see. She seems keen enough and she’ll be excited about the parcel and the wash bag, chocolate etc it comes with.

I think you just need to love her a little more.

You know you said that out loud right? RUDE.

If it's any support, my 12 year old started her period yesterday and was quite happy to call me into the bathroom so I could see, and asked my advice about sanitary wear, etc. I also wash my DD2's (14) hair sometimes - it's really thick and she struggles to get the shampoo all the way through and then rinsed out sufficiently. I don't think it indicates any overstepping of boundaries at all.

She seems keen enough and she’ll be excited about the parcel and the wash bag, chocolate etc it comes with.

Fingers crossed then

Given her sensory issues, have you thought about putting her on a mini pill resulting in no periods?

@Cocopogo

sex ed in school in yr 5 and yr 7, and bought her the Usborne “what’s happening to me” book as previously recommended on MN which she wanted to read with me back in Year 5 and then was left in her room on her bookcase for her to look at whenever she wants. She felt comfortable to come and tell me when she had started. She was happy to peruse the aisles in supermarket and choose different brands (after this issue with first period) and seemed to settle on the lillets but continued this. I’ve discussed the period pants with her and asked her if she’d prefer them and she says yes, I told her they are expensive so is she sure? As she’d have to give them a proper try and wear them for a while to see. She seems keen enough and she’ll be excited about the parcel and the wash bag, chocolate etc it comes with.

All period products are ‘expensive’. I’d try not to guilt her like that in the future

Is she NT op? The period pants are great, I use them and I imagine they may be perfect for her!

I'm surprised she isn't embarrassed about it leaking through and wonder if it may be worth trying to get her to speak to a GP or someone incase there is more to it.

@Steelesauce

Period pants, you can even get them from primark now.

Period pants

@ZZGirl

Given her sensory issues, have you thought about putting her on a mini pill resulting in no periods?

It's a pretty drastic thing to do, starting a prescription medication before alternatives that don't carry a small but real medical risk have been tried first. And there would also be the matter of informed consent to obtain.

She seems keen enough and she’ll be excited about the parcel and the wash bag, chocolate etc it comes with

I really hope that helps, it really sounds like trying different things to see what works for her. And I'm glad she is able to talk with you.

I remember hating pads when I was young. My DMum was loathed to let me try tampons, but i tried and they became my weapon of choice for many years.
I really hope you find something that works for her.

I remember hating pads when I was young. My DMum was loathed to let me try tampons, but i tried and they became my weapon of choice for many years. I really hope you find something that works for her.

My Mum was pretty much the same, I think she thought that tampons were fur married women only but then she’s always been prone to rather odd ideas.

I’m on the small side and towels always used to massive so tampons suited me much more.

@DominicRaabsTravelAgent I wonder if that's the way they were marketed initially or something.

I remember when I started my periods my mum gave me these massive towels that are like maternity one now. Then she told my gran as I went to hers for lunch as I was in primary and my gran responded with "I don't have a belt anymore"

Tampons weren't an option at that time as we'd only been told about pads in school etc when I was in 3rd year I got tampons at a school talk thing, think I was 14.

My mum never used tampons but she knew I did to a point she asked me how to use them.

So things were clearly different in the 90s

wonder if that's the way they were marketed initially or something?

I've had a bit of a read and it looks like early ads did feature married women. There then seemed to be an assumption that unmarried girls couldn't use them as it would break the hymen. Still not clear if the early advertising was unclear and made it seem like they were for married women only or it was assumed by a patriarchal, puritanical society.

My teen prefers period pants to pads, they are so easy and reliable. She hasn’t wanted to try tampons and only uses pads now if all her pants are in the wash. Younger dd has just started so I am about to buy some for her too.
I use them as well, they are great !

@DominicRaabsTravelAgent

wonder if that's the way they were marketed initially or something?

I've had a bit of a read and it looks like early ads did feature married women. There then seemed to be an assumption that unmarried girls couldn't use them as it would break the hymen. Still not clear if the early advertising was unclear and made it seem like they were for married women only or it was assumed by a patriarchal, puritanical society.

An interesting read there. I do remember the tampax 'pink' ones can't remember what they call them. Being marketed at "girls who may prefer a slimmer applicator". And lillets advert showing a school girl putting her hand up, with an applicator tampon in her fist, followed by a lillet - and how discreet it is. So there was definitely a late 80s push to market at girls.

Sorry to go off topic on your thread Op.

I know one girl with sensory issues who makes her own with super absorbent shammy cloths. She does a bow shape with a wide front and back and narrow part for the gusset. She first used washed and dried wet wipes and cut up pieces from an old fleece blanket, stuffed in her pants.

There were some knitted sanitary pants and pads she'd bought somewhere that were hideously expensive. She picked up knitting and crocheting patterns and was going to make her own. I'm not sure how that went.

I think letting her make the decisions has helped her accept the changes and given her back some of the control.

@DominicRaabsTravelAgent

I remember hating pads when I was young. My DMum was loathed to let me try tampons, but i tried and they became my weapon of choice for many years. I really hope you find something that works for her.

My Mum was pretty much the same, I think she thought that tampons were fur married women only but then she’s always been prone to rather odd ideas.

I’m on the small side and towels always used to massive so tampons suited me much more.

I hated the massive towels and bought some tampons when I was about 15/16 and got a right rollocking off my mother. She told me they were only for married women and women that had had babies.

I thought I was the only one

I have ADD and have Always had sensory issues. From my second TOTM onwards I wore tampax. Always have. It also feels more hygienic. Hope you manage to sort something. It may be worth using a social story to reiterate that not using anything Is not hygienic or acceptable. I work with Sen pupils and it's very common.
A lot will use pappy's which are period nappies.

autismspectrumnews.org/providing-menstrual-care-instruction-to-adolescents-with-autism-spectrum-disorders/

Make sure you follow the washing instructions and then they will be great for her. I use the Cheeky Wipes pants on normal days and Modibodi for heavy/overnight. So just be aware as she gets older her flow might get heavier and she might need a heavier duty pair. On my normal days I wear 3 x 8 hours so she may want to change them at school. Worth a 'wet' bag and spare pair. I have the cheeky wipes bag small for my handbag and large for my bathroom.

These are the heavier flow ones
www.modibodi.co.uk/collections/periods/products/classic-full-brief-heavy-overnight?variant=33016657313846

Op sorry to read so many unhelpful and insensitive comments here. There are many posters here who seem to pride themselves in being rude.

I'm glad you have made an order for cloth pads and pants. They are a lot more comfortable than disposable pads. Cheeky wipes are also a good brand. Hope they work for you.